


It Was Always You

by dracomalfoythelomll



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Harry Potter - Freeform, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:06:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 60,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29336508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dracomalfoythelomll/pseuds/dracomalfoythelomll
Summary: 𝐀𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐨, 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝.𝑾𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖?Draco is like fire, he use's the flames to keep himself protected from everyone around him, so closed off, and since it's fire no one would go near him unless they were brave enough.Evelyn's like ice, so cold and stilled, but when she's with him, she melts. Draco's flames die down when they're together, it's like a cure to a disease they never knew existed.𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭?𝐀 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐧, 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐝𝐲𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐜.
Relationships: Bonnie Wright/Theodore Nott, Draco Malfoy/Evelyn Young, George Weasley/Evelyn Young, Hermione Granger/Amelia Brooks, Luna Lovegood/Blaise Zabini
Kudos: 2





	1. ONE

" **HAVE** you packed all your belongings properly into your trunk?" My mother asked as she gazed at me fully, looking back at all my luggage.

"Yes, I have, I packed last night and double checked everything in the morning," I spoke, clutching onto my traveling bag that was hanging from my shoulder. "Are you going to come drop me off?"

"What kind of a stupid question is that?" She asked as a disgusted look wavered her face. "You know I have to look after your siblings  _ first _ , I'm pretty sure you can deal with your things yourself," She turned back around in her working attire without saying goodbye as I picked up my trunk closing the door.

I took a deep breath as I closed the door, reminding myself, there's no need to be sensitive over this and that I can surely go to the station myself without my mother. It was the sixth year of Hogwarts and I'm pretty sure of the fact that I was able to handle things like this myself. Though some part of me felt upset, I couldn't help it, but it was there. 

Growing up, my mother had always looked after everyone else first before she came to me. I was an independent child at a very young age, so I surely didn't need a hand to walk me through things, I was capable of doing many things myself. I had taught myself many things that my parents should've. But they were too busy paying attention to others, acting like teenagers and forgetting the fact that they have a responsibility of not one but four children. 

We had our own chauffeur that would drive us around places because everyone was always too busy doing something to drive their own kids somewhere they wanted to. The entire ride I didn't mutter a word as I sat in the corner of the seat, twirling with the hem of my skirt as I looked out the window, pretending I was in a different,  _ better _ reality than the one I originally was in. I sat there as a lump stayed in my throat as I so badly wanted to cry and scream and break every single thing in sight, but held back as I sat there calmly pretending everything was okay and that a million thoughts weren't racing around my head fighting for control on which one predicts my day and how I act on it. 

At many places, Hogwarts was my safe place, an escape from the horrendous parts of my life. Being a part of this place allowed me to be whoever I wanted to be and no one would know because no one knows what happens behind closed doors once all the cameras go off. It's like the perfect couple on paper, are they really in love or just pretending to be for the publicity? Or is the perfect family of four really the perfect family because they would rather stay six feet apart from each than breathe the same as one another. 

I walked onto the train as I minded my own business, walking through the corridors as I looked for an empty cabin. I walked into one as I silently slid the door open and closed it, sitting on the cushion seated seats as I pulled my knees up to myself, admiring the view of Hogwarts as I watched the scenery pass through me quickly in a blur. I tried to capture every moment in my head when the door suddenly burst open. 

"Young, there you are! I've been looking for you all over the train from the last fifteen minutes. This train is bloody long when you search through each cabin, people by people," Wright protested as she slid the door close aggressively and sat down pushing her hair away from her face. "What's wrong with your face?"

"Everything is fine with my face, but what got you in a knot?" I asked, glaring at her weirdly at her every moment was hostile, making me want to throw a punch across her face to calm her down. "Are you going to speak or do I have to slap you to get it out of you?"

"That dumb pathetic little whore Nott. I just found him making out with another girl down the hall when he was just snogging me a few weeks ago at the Alley," She spoke out after a quiet few minutes. 

"Bonnie," I paused. "Calm the fuck down. Stop taking your anger out on the poor seats, plus you knew Nott was a player when you got involved with him so why are you trying to make a fuss now?" 

"I just thought I'd be the one to change him," She threw her back calmly back against the seat as she stared up, her chest rose aggressively up and down. 

"That's what they all say, yet you guys end up with broken hearts. Why do you think you could change Nott? He's been like that since the third year. C'mon Bonnie, you knew that. We've lived in the same common room for five years now," I explained as her breathing calmed down a little from before. 

Wright has always had a thing for Not since the first time she saw him in our first year when we were being sorted into our houses. That's when I first met Bonnie. She was charming, nice, kind, and very talkative the second we exchanged our names. At first, I was awkward and insecure, but I grew up to throw all those thoughts away as I learned my worth. I was confident, attractive and smart, always top of my class but sometimes behind Hermione and Malfoy. 

"Evelyn, what should I do?" She asked me as I broke out of my thoughts to look back at her again. 

"You really want to hear my opinion?" I asked for her reassurance because I did not hold back when I spoke my place, I was always straight up and straight to the point, ruthless and clever. "You do what he did to you. You play the same game he's playing with you, continue to play the chess game. Make out with his best friend and watch him grow with rage. Simple." 

"You are aware that his best friend is no other but Draco Malfoy right?" She stared at me with confusion, waiting for my response. I gave myself a couple of seconds to think before I spoke again. 

"That albino raccoon isn't the only friend he has. There's Blaise Zabini, Adrian Pucey, Graham Montague, Cassius Warrington, and the list practically goes on," I shrugged my shoulders leaning back into my seat as I tilted my head slightly to look at her. 

"You just listed half of the quidditch team, Evelyn." She furrowed as she rolled her eyes looking out the window and her fingers tapped against the creak of the seat slightly as it caught my attention. 

"And? There's nothing wrong with hooking up with the entire quidditch team. They're all good-looking folks and since you like Nott so much, why not go for it? You got nothing to lose honestly." 

She traced one side of her face with her hand as she tried to think of an answer that suited her situation according to her. If I were her, I would've definitely gone around the entire quidditch team without hesitating. Though, right now I wasn't the right person to go through boys like a game of cards, passing out one by one in and out due to only one reason or person you could say. 

_ My mother.  _

She was actually Satan disguised as a form of a manipulative backstabbing bitch I looked up to when I was a kid. I so desperately wanted to be her, follow in her steps, and be successful the way she was on how I viewed her when I was younger but growing up I realized that she was nothing but a manipulative bitch. It took me a long time to get a hang of it, but it didn't matter because it is what it is and there's nothing I could do but mope about it. But why should I? I could literally die tomorrow and all I would see is the regrets of not living my life the way I wanted to.

"Well Nott is Nott and nothing I could do would change the fact that he just snogged a girl against the wall an hour ago," She finally realized as I chuckled leaning forward towards her. 

"You finally got it  _ huh _ ?" I shook my head. "Bonnie, guys aren't worth crying over like this. You deserve better than to cry over some quidditch player who can't even keep his dick in his pants." 

"Enough about Not. Tell me about you. Why was your mood so weird earlier," She asked as I shot a confused look at her away. "When I walked into this cabin earlier you had that face, so I'm asking what happened that made you act that way," Bonnie was aware of my tragic family problems, but I hated talking about it, I hated when people gave you the pity look, and rubbed your shoulder pretending that by doing this all would be well in the world. 

"I'm fine, Bonnie. Just tired." 

"Whatever you say," she shrugged off as she laid across the long cabin chair. "You need to stop being so uptight all the time. Let yourself lose a little. Life is too short to be so pissed off and sad all the time. Get drunk, get that tattoo, skip that class, and kiss that guy to be honest," She spoke, throwing her hand over her face. 

"Says the one who was just crying over a  _ quidditch player _ a few minutes ago," I arched a brow as I stared at her in utter confusion. "Though, I'm hoping this year will be better. I don't want my last two years at Hogwarts to be all depressing," I paused. 

"What happened between you and that Weasley guy?" She asked as soon as I finished my sentence. 

"George you mean, yeah that didn't work. It was more of a fling you could say," I spoke out. "Plus why would I care about him? He doesn't even go here anymore," I laughed, narrowing my eyes away. 

"Young, He told you ' _ I love you' _ just a few months ago, and you didn't say it back. That's not just a fling," She spoke defensively. 

I sat back as I rolled my head trying to crack a nonexistent joint. My head went back to the memory of fifth year as we got done with the DA meetings and were heading towards the Great Hall for dinner. 

_ "Hey, Young," A voice called out to me as I turned around, pulling my hair back behind my ear to look up at the tall ginger who stormed over me without even trying.  _

_ "What's up George," I politely smiled looking at him. "Everything alright?" I asked as his hand came towards my cheek resting on it. _

_ "Just missing you darling," he spoke gently stroking his thumb across my cheek. "I haven't seen much of you lately. You're always in a rush to go somewhere. Always running away somewhere." _

_ "I'm just super busy George. Fifth year courses have basically taken over me completely. I don't even remember the last time I got a proper eight hours of sleep," I nervously chuckled as I moved his hand away from my face, nicely.  _

_ "Well I was hoping maybe tomorrow if you wanted to spend time together. I know I don't like constellations, but I love when you talk about it, so maybe we can get together for lunch I was hoping," He asked politely as my lips quivered slightly at the corner.  _

_ "Uh—Yeah—Sure why don't we do that," I nodded my head slightly to turn around slowly as he turned my back around, pulling me back towards him as he placed a small kiss against my lips. "I love you," He mumbled as he turned away when I shot him a friendly smile, not saying it back. _

_ I wasn't going to say it when I didn't mean it. I didn't even believe in the analogy of love. It's stupid and a waste of time. Everyone you love always leaves you or has a secret request from you, and once they get it, they ghost you completely. Love is a temporary notation in your head that disappears after a while, it's ruthless and stupid and possibly the worst thing to ever exist.  _

"Evelyn?" I felt completely lost in another thought as my mind brought up every moment with him in my head, and how I went back to each and one of them thinking about how I never knew how fake each and one of them meant. How could one express such strong emotions of them towards you and then date someone a month later and pretend they weren't just in love with another just not so long ago. "Evelyn!"

"Sorry," I broke out of my thoughts, shaking my head. "I guess I'm really exhausted. I'm probably going to skip dinner and go straight to bed. I don't think I can take any minute longer to stay awake for this very  _ boring _ day," I shuffled away as the back of my head rested against the board of the cabin, looking out the window as by each track we came closer and closer to Hogwarts. 

Settling back into Hogwarts wasn't as bad. It was the usual routine of the last five years I've been following. Leaving your trunks for Filch to take over and walk in on Peeve's dropping water balloons on every chance he got as Minerva yelled at him for being a pain in the ass. Then it was simply walking into the Great Hall, sitting by your friends, with your house as you devoured dinner. Instead of going to the Great Hall, I twirled around towards the Slytherin common room, just wanting to cuddle myself into bed as I slept for the rest of the remaining weekend. 

The Slytherin common room was cold. It had stone walls and ceilings. The room had a direct look of the huge Great Lake as it gave the room a reflection of a green tinge look. There were sage green and jet black lamps on each and every corner along with black chairs that gave the dungeons an eerie, bold look. I stood along the shelves as I traced the spine of each and every book in sight, trying to find my way into a book I haven't read till now, or haven't re-read. 

I grabbed onto a random book from the other side of the shelf as I threw my head back on the couch. Likewise, I raised my hands out as I stared at the book, taking in the softness and beauty of it before I read through the pages along the lines that would forever be embedded in my head. Kicking my legs back and forth slowly and playfully, I read through the lines allowing myself to understand the beginning of the story before I read it completely. 

I was flipping back and forth the first pages of the book out of boredom trying to understand the point of all of this information being there when I heard a sudden thud against the door, making me turn my head as I searched the room but there was nothing. I narrowed my brows slightly as I heard the thud again coming from the boys' dormitory making my body straighten up from the couch to look up. Furthermore, I sat back on the couch with the book in my hand as I watched Malfoy pinning a random blonde girl against the stone-cold wall as he kissed her hungrily, roaming his hands through her body as I watched wanting to gag at the sight. 

I rolled my eyes, looking back at the book and continued doing my research on the first couple of pages as the silence of the common room made their snogging sounds even louder making my ears itch at the sound of it. I looked back up as I took a deep breath looking their way, wanting to throw up right as my eyes met his and he devilishly smirked. 

"I didn't realize the common room was a sex dungeon all of a sudden," I felt my whole body shiver from disgust. "If you guys don't mind, why don't you go eat each other out in private and not in the middle of a damn fucking hallway while I'm trying to read in  _ peace _ ." 

Malfoy nor the girl said anything back. From the looks of it, the girl seemed like a Ravenclaw with her blue tie loose from around her neck as she pulled onto Malfoy's, pulling him in. I pushed all my thoughts away as I focused back on the book and began reading it when I heard their footsteps come closer towards me. I looked slightly up still with my head down. He dragged her down towards the fireplace as he laid her against the couch, making out with her. 

_ Right in front of me.  _

_ I was going to throw up.  _

I blinked a couple of times at the horror in front of me as I sat there with a book in my hand. I rubbed the bridge of my nose calming myself before I spoke again. I got up from my seat as I hit Malfoy with the book at the back of his head, making him flinch at the touch of it from his snogging. I backed up as he looked at me in disgust. "What the fuck is your problem, Young?" He sneered as I disturbed his make out session with a random Ravenclaw who was now adjusting her tie. 

"My problem is your fucking presence. You can snog whoever you want but do it in private, the sight of you two made me internally gag. So if you don't have any self-respect for yourself with the little whore you are, I'm sure the least you can do is show the poor girl some fucking decency," I snapped back as the Ravenclaw girl scratched the back of her head and slowly moved out of the couch, walking away, muttering something to herself. 

"Fucking great. You ruined my fucking night Young," He panted. 

"You were the one eating her out in the middle of the fucking common room instead of your room. I just saved that poor girl's respect that you were about to tear apart in the next five minutes," I sarcastically smiled turning towards the book of shelves, placing the book back in between the stack as it fit perfectly. I heard some shuffling behind me as he took a step towards me. 

"You're going to pay for the stunt you just pulled with me," He aggressively spoke, removing his tie off his neck, pushing his hair back. 

"What are you going to do?" I asked, taking a step forward. "Are you going to call me a fucking  _ slut _ , or  _ whore _ or  _ ouu— _ my favorite a little  _ bitch, _ " I took a slight step forward. "You won't do shit Malfoy. You're just a pussy little bitch so kindly fuck off," I turned back around. 

"I'm pretty sure you would love to hear about the fact how you never said it back to George, and how he cheated on you with Angelina," He spoke at a dangerously low level. "Would you love it if I told everyone the real story?" He paused. "Or would you love if I just said that  _ you _ cheated on him  _ first _ ."

I turned back around as I faced him wanting to take his head and shove it towards the fireplace till his face melted. "You don't know what you're talking about," I spoke curling my hand into a fist feeling my nails dug into my palm till it felt numb. 

"I don't?" He stepped forward. "Or do I?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, leave comments :)


	2. ONE

" **YOU** don't know what you're talking about Malfoy, so I suggest you shut the fuck up before I make you," I felt anger rush through my body completely like a dose of medicine trying to relieve the pain. He took a step further. "Oh yeah? How do you plan on doing that Young?" He tilted his head walking closer. "We both know what actually happened."

"Actually you don't know what happened so don't act like you do. I don't know where you heard our conversation from, but I can  _ assure you _ , that you know nothing so if you're done being a jackass, I'm going to bed," I turned around quickly as I walked up the stairs of the girls' dormitory. I opened the door of my room as I pressed my back against it, slowly sliding down as I felt the back of my shirt rise, touching against the cold door. 

I buried my face into my hands as I counted in my head by the table of two. 

_ Two... _

_ Four... _

_ Six... _

It was the only thing that was able to direct my mind in a state of calmness before I revolted and did something out of anger that I would regret later. I wasn't even trying to cry, yet my cheeks were damped with tears, as I pressed my palms against my eyes gently rubbing it. I kept sniffling as I cried, I could feel my forehead's temperature rising up by the second. This is the part I hated about me being upset, my body would automatically start heating up and go into a state of sickness. 

_ Eight... _

_ Ten... _

_ Twelve... _

Since a young age my body has taken a huge toll of stress. I was my own parent growing up, I often taught myself my own homework during elementary when I needed help, but my mother was too busy helping my siblings. You'd probably be thinking to yourself, but what about your dad? Yeah, my dad was non-existent in my life ever since he cheated on my mother and got another wife, who was the definition of every ruthless scary step-mother you can find in an urban dictionary. 

I think the hardest part about all of it was when my mom befriended my step-mother and  _ pretended _ to be her best friend for ten years, putting a huge strain on her children, especially me. I felt my feelings played with because seeing her being so friendly made me think that she was the  _ good _ one, so I trusted her with a secret. I told her about my depression, I explained to her how I wasn't happy. I opened up for the first time in life, but she blocked me out and spilled it all on my mother as revenge for a fight between them to taunt her.

I have hated her ever since. I have never trusted anyone after that with my feelings ever since that incident. I was scared what'd people do if they would know how weak I was on the inside, how hurt I was, how much pain I was in. I was scared that they'd use my pain for their own advantage and then step on me after. My dad was the definition of a person who did not deserve to have kids, he was almost never there for his kids. 

_ No. _

_ Scratch that.  _

_ He was never there for me. _

My dad was always there for my siblings, always looking after them, taking care of them, getting them whatever they liked but when it came to me, I was shut out almost every time. I felt like a toy, that you came to when you were bored and then left when you were done using it for your excitement. That's how I felt like almost everyday living in that house, growing up.

Then I met George, he was funny, charming, and was there for me wherever I needed him, but he never understood me. He never understood the concept of having a broken family where your mom pretends to be friends with your stepmother, where your stepmother bashes and uses you, where your dad manipulates and shuts you out, where your mom pretends you don't exist and don't have a thing called feelings. He never understood any of that. 

All he said was 'Talk to them maybe it'll help.' How do I tell him that was useless? How do I tell him that my family was so broken apart from me that we can't speak two words to each other without it turning into an argument? How do I explain to him that I never said it back to him because I was scared of being pushed out again, I was scared of him being my weakness, I was terrified of being in love. I didn't believe in it. 

How do I tell him what happened that day? How do I tell anyone without wanting to throw myself off of a bridge about that night? I don't know how to. I can't even say it out loud myself because I feel  _ dirty? Embarrassed? Scared?  _

Hearing Malfoy talk about that night made my blood boil because he knew nothing of what happened that night. He knew nothing. He only knows what he heard. That's all he knew. No one knew, not even my best friend, not even my own mother. I was scared and terrified deep down. I wanted to die at the thought of it. I can't even say it out loud so how am I supposed to tell him?

I got off the floor with the help of the door knob as I steadied myself. Taking a deep breath in as I tried to relax my nerves. I closed my eyes as I pretended nothing happened ten minutes ago. I pretended that I just didn't have the thoughts of wanting to rid myself of this world. I pretended none of that happened and moved onto the bathroom, stepping into a warm shower.

\--

I buttoned up my blouse as I tied my tie around my neck, smoothing my skirt out before I grabbed my books from the bed. I've heard somewhere that sometimes being too positive is toxic. Telling yourself everything is okay when it isn't could be bad for your health but at this point everything about me was so fucked that I didn't even care. All I could do is pretend and move on. 

I walked down to the Great Hall as I sat down at my house table just pouring myself a glass or water as my throat felt parched. I always forgot about drinking water daily, even though it's important to drink it every day, I didn't try to keep a note in my head everyday like the others. I looked down as I skimmed through my notes from last year before I went into Defense the Dark Arts class with Snape. 

The class is a core subject at Hogwarts. The position of Defense Against the Dark Arts at the school was once rumored to be jinxed, as no teacher could hold the post for more than a year without suffering an unpleasant fate. I mean looking back all the teachers scared me how no one really brought up the question if all of this was really okay, everyone just moved past it like it was normal. 

After a couple of minutes of just going through my notes, I got up walking towards class myself since it was a Monday morning and the first day back which meant most people still weren't used to the routine. I took a seat at the middle corner of class, setting my bag aside onto the floor as I threw my book onto the table, slouching into the chair as Snape walked in. 

"You have had five teachers in this subject so far, I believe. Naturally, these teachers will all have had their own methods and priorities. Given this confusion I am surprised so many of you scraped an O.W.L. on this subject. I shall be even more surprised if all of you manage to keep up with N.E.W.T. work, which will be much more advanced," Snape talked as he set up his desk for the lesson. 

"A jinx is a type of magic, whose effects are irritating but amusing. In order to successfully cast a jinx, the caster must keep eye contact on the target," He spoke as his entire body was drowning in his black cloak. "You will now divide...into pairs. One partner will attempt to jinx the other without speaking. The other will attempt to repel the jinx in equal silence." 

I looked around as I searched for Bonnie who was late for class, possibly still in bed like the half empty class. I rolled my eyes as I straightened my back trying to get Snape's attention since he was busy looking over a paper. "Mr. Malfoy, you've finally decided to show up. You won't get detention this time, but I won't let it pass next time, have a seat," He spoke, turning his eye towards me as I was slightly distracted by Malfoy's presence. "Yes, Ms. Young?" I shook my head slightly as I looked back up towards him.

"My partner isn't here today so can I just work on something else?" I asked not wanting to talk to anyone else in class because of their screeching voices. 

"No you will not. Mr. Malfoy will be your partner for the remaining period of the class," He turned back around as I parted my lips to speak but held back turning my gaze to Malfoy who strode to the chair with a sneer across his face. I faced the front trying to minimize any contact with him as I possibly could, the last thing I wanted was him around me. 

"We're talking about jinxes  _ today— _ "

"Young you don't need to give me a step by step detail on what we're doing," He spoke rolling his shoulders back into the chair. 

"Let me get this straight for you, I have no liking into you being here so either work with me or fuck off with another Ravenclaw," I flipped back and forth between the Defense the Dark Arts book turning to the jinx chapters. 

" _ Oppugno, _ " He muttered a spell that caught my attention. Suddenly a flying vase came towards me, ready to attack me as I raised my wand casting ' _ Cuprito _ ,' making it blast into pieces onto the floor. "What the fuck is your problem?" I furiously spoke pushing him back. 

" _ Locomotor Wibbly, _ " He cast again ignoring my question as I cast a counterspell, stopping the spell. 

"So you're just going to throw spells before even letting me know?" I stood back from my chair as he raised his wand towards me.

"There's going to be no warnings during war Young. They aren't going to tell you before throwing a spell your way," He flicked his wand to cast another spell as I flicked it away hitting the wall as a slight crack appeared. 

"We aren't in war right now Malfoy. We're in class if you can't tell," I took a step back as my eyes glazed around the other students doing simple spells with each other. 

"War isn't going to tell you when it happens," He snapped back quickly casting another spell that wasn't a jinx my way. I ducked to the side as it shot through the side of my shoulder, making a few drops of blood drip down to the floor.

"That wasn't a jinxing spell Malfoy," I waved my wand, throwing a spell he easily defended taking a step further towards me as I shot another one that he deflected quickly making it hit the frame. "It was a jinxing spell  _ you _ weren't aware of Young." He stepped closer as I muttered, ' _ Levicorpus _ ,' I raised my wand attempting to levitate him off the floor that he deflected with a counter curse spell. 

He took a step further as my back hit against the wall, and he placed his wand directly under my chin poking my throat as he eyed me. "You suck." 

He leaned in forward as for the first time I noticed the blue and green specks of colors in his grey eyes. "You caught me  _ off guard, _ " I pressed my hands against his chest pushing him back, but he held his ground. He angled his head to meet mine directly as he studied my face.

_ He's too close. He's too close. He's too close. _

"You  _ won't _ have time to be off guard during battle," He spoke turning away as I raised a brow on what war he was talking about. I shook my head as I walked back to my chair, throwing my books back into my bad as I heard Snape dismissing his class. I threw the bag over my shoulder as I turned to leave the class. 

I walked into the common room rushing towards the girl dormitory as I walked into Bonnie's room without even knocking, I found her sound asleep. I jumped onto her bed trying to wake her up as she shot up scaring me backwards and falling to the floor. "For fuck's sake Bonnie what the hell," I placed my hand on the top of my head as I felt the pain shoot through my spine. 

"You're the one that woke me up from my sleep so suddenly don't complain now," She rubbed her eyes as she swung her legs off the bed pulling her hair back.

"I tried to wake you up," I paused as I sat on the carpeted floor. "You missed the classes for the day." She arched a brow looking up at the clock as she gasped getting out of bed and knocking the glass of water off her side table. 

"Fuck. I overslept, Snape is going to drown me in numeral detentions," She hurried to the bathroom, slamming the door. 

"Calm the fuck down. You can't do anything about it now," I got myself on her bed as I saw a bunch of papers stuffed into her book, most of them consisted of the upcoming ball that happened annually at Hogwarts. 

"Did you hear about the open invite this Saturday for older students, so teachers could help them get recommendation letters for Ministry jobs," Bonnie talked as she adjusted the Slytherin tie around her neck. My head shot up as I stared at her in confusion. 

" _ Open invite _ ?" I asked. 

"Mhm. Many students are going to be coming in to see the teachers. I'm excited for Fred, he owes me my cards since last year," She talked as my mind wandered at the fuck that George was going to be there as well, with Angelina. 

" _ Shit _ ."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After what’s happening on Wattpad, I decided to move to Ao3, let’s see how this goes :)


	3. THREE

**EVERY** night my thoughts weigh heavily on my soul but every morning I get up to fight another day, every night I survived. It was the same repeating cycle for the last couple of years, I lost count after the first few months. It was like a never ending nightmare, a never ending cycle of horror, it was like living the same dream over and over again with no escape, it was worse than hell. 

But sometimes I tell myself everything happens for a reason. You can't just skip the chapters and go all the way at the end of the chapter for the happy ending. That's not how life works. You have to read every line, meet every character. You won't enjoy all of it. Some chapters will make you cry for weeks. There'll be moments where you won't feel like reading those chapters because of the pain it brings you, then there'll be those chapters where you won't want the pages to end because of the joy it brings you. 

But you have to keep going right? But not every story has a happy ending and sometimes I wish I knew why the bad things in my life happened to me. Why do bad things happen to good people? I never get the logic behind that phrase that the most purest souls go through the worst in life. There's no sense behind that logic. Bad people deserve bad things, and good people deserve good things. But are people really fully bad or fully good? 

I watched the water drip from my face as I splashed water onto it, staring at the mirror. I didn't know what emotion I wanted to present to others today. I debated in my head for a long time as time felt stilled around me but not really, the clock kept ticking and as much as I wanted that ticking to slow down, it isn't going to wait for me, it's going to keep going no matter what.

I got dressed in my school robes as I threw on my Slytherin robes, adjusting my tie on the large room mirror. I slipped on some flat black shoes and with a flick on my wand, my hair was done. My favourite part of being a wizard was probably it being easier to do my hair and not having to sit down as I watched the curling iron heat up for five minutes as I curled each strand one by one until I was completely done.

I grabbed my books for today's classes from my personal book collection as I twisted the door knob of my room and headed out, putting on a face I did not mean at all but fake it till you make it I guess. Though sometimes I wish someone could realize the fake and ask you if you're okay. I'd be nice to hear that. To receive a genuine hug and not one out of pity and awkwardness. 

I headed towards Transfiguration classes as Bonnie tagged along with me with her high joy spirits that warmed my heart. Her happiness brought me happiness and I was glad that at least one of us was enjoying this dreadful world. "I'm excited for Transfiguration today, even though I could suck at it sometimes, it's one of the most enjoyable classes with McGonagall," She spoke happily as I smiled at her suddenly forgetting all the bad things in life.

"I'm super excited too, I heard we were learning new spells this year as well since Umbridge didn't let us last year. I'm glad she's gone, she was one pain in the ass," I groaned as I slightly shook my head. "That's why I'm glad we had DA meetings. It was better than nothing, thanks to the trio," She spoke as I huffed knowing that they don't even like as much because of our house except for Hermione who was possibly the only sweet one. Harry was that immortal orphan with his humorous orange tumor friend, I'm sorry I meant Ron. 

"You know Bonnie, they only let us join it because of my hatred against Malfoy since first year because I defeated him in that duel that he had with Harry originally," I reminded her as we walked slowly all of a sudden. 

"I know, I know, trust me but I don't care what they think, I'm just glad we were a part of it due to your hatred towards Malfoy," I looked up as I saw the platinum blonde emerge from the opposite side towards the class. 

"Speak of the devil," I spoke as I smiled at her. 

We entered class as we took our seats in the middle to the right of the class as always. I placed my books onto the table as I comfortably settled down on my chair, my eyes wandering the room as we waited. "Alright students, take out your sixth year intermediate transfiguration books," McGonagall walked into the room as she clapped her hands telling us to get started quickly. "Turn your pages to four hundred and fifty five and you'll notice that today we will be learning about a new spell." 

"See I told you," Bonnie whispered to me as I gave her a ' _ fine you win _ ' look and turned back to looking at my notes as I scanned every line twice within five minutes. "Even though it's the first day for your transfiguration classes we will be starting off strong to give you a head start on how the rest of the year will look like. I suggest you don't slack if you want good grades at the end of the semester," The professor talked as the class went from being silent to small whispers all around as she ended her sentence. 

"Who would care to read the following page for us to get us started?" The professor asked and before anyone could react, Hermione had her hand raised sharply and quickly above her shoulder. 

Gryffindors were always favored no matter what the case was which made me hate their house more than I should've. I hated favoritism, always have and always will. In my case I think it's understandable when you grow up in a house of four, your brother, being the first born son is always favored even though all he does is sleep and eat. Then there are my two younger sisters who act like complete idiots and find every way to taunt me when I do decide to visit. 

Then there was me, the second, first daughter of the house. Also the most hated one out of all of them. I had very strong opinions and had highly strong female views because I did not think low of myself just because I wasn't some male rat. According to my family, females couldn't be big role models, they belonged at home with kids, and males on the other hand were supposed to be superior to them. They were also purebloods so they thought they were superior to the rest of the community which I despised. I believed in female and male equality and the fact that it does not matter if you're a pureblood, halfblood, or a muggleborn wizard, if you're given the capability to make it happen it's because you were worthy of it and that's all that matters.

They hated muggleborns as well, because of their superiority complex. I liked muggles, they were simple, decent, they found happiness in the smallest little things, lighting a chinese lantern would be the most magical experience for them and those experiences from readings made me feel alive. 

Well there was favoritism in the family and then there was being the most hated one because you didn't stand with their views. I hated everything about it. I hated them but I still loved them because as people loved to say "But they're your family."

Family isn't always blood though. 

"The Bird Conjuring Charm is a spell that conjures a flock of birds. The birds are shot from the caster's wand tip, accompanied by a loud blast that sounds like a gun being fired and smoke," Hermione read from the book as my eyes were drawn to her. I usually liked to look at the person as they read it during class, it was stupid but intriguing. "The incantation for the charm is  _ Avis, _ " The professor nodded as she turned her head to the rest of the class before speaking. "Who would like to step up and perform this spell for us? Keep in mind not everyone can produce this easily," As she asked my hand shot up in the air like the rest of the people. 

"Ms. Young," McGonagall called on me as I politely smiled, putting my hand down and picked up my wand, raising it in the air as I slowly moved it, doing the movement as shown in the book provided to us. It took me a second as I heard a faint scoff from down the room from Malfoy. I could feel the pettiness rise in me as I swished my wand again, and a flock of white birds came out, circling me then suddenly shooting towards Malfoy in a quick speed, ready to attack him, and they did. They picked around on his robes and hair as he ducked but the professor quickly vanished them. 

"I'm sure it wasn't Ms. Young's intention but this was a direct representation of what happens if you get attacked by a spell like that," The professor repeated as she eyed me a little but I looked away as Bonnie nudged me with her elbow. I looked back as Malfoy stared at me, narrowing his eyes as he was preparing himself to fight back. "Professor, is it true that the spell can also protect you from the killing curse?" Hermione asked as heads turned towards her. There was nothing known in the history of magic that could protect or stop the killing curse from hitting you. 

"It is known to be a rumor," The professor paused, taking a slow step forward. "This charm may be capable of blocking the Killing Curse; if the curse hit the birds before the caster, it is possible that this would negate the curse. Since conjured creatures differ from real animals, this is not conclusive," She talked as Hermione scribbled some notes down on her book and I did the same, McGonagall had a habit of giving surprise tests and questions that were random discussion questions out of the blue. 

"I'm excited to see Fred after class," Bonnie whispered to me as Hermione continued reading the following pages about the charm from the book. My eyes shot up towards her in confusion as my mind went completely blank for a minute. "Remember I told you that they were coming for the recommendation letters today. They're probably already here, walking around waiting for this class to be over," She whispered to me as I began scratching my nails against each other, trying to rip it off but not really. 

"Right," I answered. "It probably left my mind, you know classes and everything," I lied as she agreed, nodding her head and shuffling her papers away as the professor spoke her last few words. My mind wandered away to the fact that I had no backup answers on how I would act or respond to them when I see them. I had nothing to keep me going, I felt like I wanted to drown down in that seat completely. 

We were dismissed from class as I excused myself from Bonnie, saying that I needed to get a book from my dorm, as I rushed through the halls looking back to see she wasn't following me as I bumped into someone. 

"Shit," I paused, picking up my books from the book. I looked up as I saw a tall red head hovering me awkwardly, smiling down at me as I got up slowly from the stone floor.   


" _ George _ ."


	4. FOUR

" **EVELYN,** " He paused as he took a minute to fully take my sudden appearance in. "How have you been?" He asked as I blinked rather aggressively trying to speak but I couldn't. "I- _ um--I'm--I-- _ I've been good just  _ busy _ ." 

"As always," He faintly smiled as I felt some sort of guilt rise inside of me, pushing everyone away as always. I pushed him away and it wasn't fair to him. It wasn't right, what I did to him. "What are you doing here?" I asked even though I knew the answer to that. "Just came to visit McGonagall for the recommendation letters for the Ministry. I came here with Fred but he was in a rush to  _ find—" _

"Bonnie. He was looking for Bonnie I believe. Something about  _ cards _ ?" I interrupted him as he pressed his lips into a slight thin line, agreeing to what I said. "I expected to see you here with Angelina." 

"She didn't come with me. She stayed back with my mother since she already received her letters. It's just me and Fred here. Father let us borrow his car finally since you know the last time we used it, we almost crashed it," He smiled as I chuckled. 

"Fifth year," I looked up to directly meet his eyes. "You stole his car and took us all to that muggle ice cream store so I could eat some sour cherry ice cream." 

"And then I crashed it into one of those useless American poles while coming back," He added on and in that moment it was like I forgot everything bad that had happened and it was just us laughing about an old memory that felt so fresh. 

"Well isn't this cozy?" A voice came from the back. I turned my head to see Malfoy effortlessly leaning against the wall of the hallway as he stared our way. "If isn't tweedledee and tweedledum," He spoke, walking forward towards us as he shifted his hands into his pockets, standing straight with confidence. 

"Malfoy kindly fuck off. I'm pretty sure you have better things to do than be here," I rolled my eyes. 

"I'd rather stay here because I'm fascinated by this," He sarcastically smiled looking at the both of us. 

"Why don't you go bully some first year or style your villain hair and leave us alone because I'm not fascinated by you here," I expressed my hatred for his presence as he continued to take a step forward. 

"Hmm," He looked up at me. "I'm pretty sure we have a unfinished conversation about you  _ chea—" _

"Malfoy I won't hesitate to hex you right now if you don't leave within the next second." 

"Evelyn what's going on? What's he talking about?" George asked as I couldn't look towards him.

_ He can't know. No one can know. I can't even say it myself. Please for Merlin's sake, no. _

"Just some of his stupid crap George, let's just leave," I turned as I grabbed onto his muscular arm, attempting to take him away from here. 

"Young, we aren't done," Malfoy's voice loudly spoke behind us. "Weasley don't you want to hear why this innocent girl of yours didn't say it back to you?" He spoke again which made George stop in his tracks. 

"What are you trying to say there Malfoy?" He asked. "Young over here," He looked towards me. " _ Cheated on you. _ That's why she didn't tell you, didn't want to break that peasant heart of yours." 

"That's enough Malfoy," George protested towards him, almost punching him as I held him back. "George! He's not worth it," I spoke as I struggled to hold him back. "Just go find Fred and Bonnie." 

"You stay away from her. Got it?" He spoke to Malfoy one last time as he turned away, gripping me slightly by the shoulder. "You go, I'll be right behind you," I spoke as he nodded and walked away. 

I felt the anger run through my veins as I turned around to face him. There was no funny sarcastic smile plastered over my face, it was pure bliss rage. I felt every emotion on my body that I have kept hidden inside of me, come forward again in the form of anger as I faced him. I gritted my teeth as he smiled looking at me, as if he's achieved an award, as if he likes inflicting pain on others. 

"You don't know shit Malfoy so it's best if you keep your mouth shut," I spoke rather calmly. 

_ The calm before the thunderstorm.  _

"Actually I do know everything. I can tell by the irritation on your face that it bothers you because it's true," He took a step forward as we were an arm length away from each other. I scoffed as I looked up at him, all I wanted to do was punch him, maybe it'll be more effective now, it's been three years since he has received one anyway. 

"You like to think you're this bad boy that knows everyone's secrets but in reality you know nothing," I took a half step forward. 

"Do you really want to know what happened that night?" I ask as he narrowed his brows curiously. " _ Huh _ ? Do you really want to know what the fuck happened that night?" My voice echoed through the empty corridor of Hogwarts. "How the fuck would you feel if you found out you were wrong? How would you feel if you found out I didn't fucking cheat that night? How the fuck would you feel to find out that I was—that I was—I was fucking assaulted that night," I spoke as for some reason it felt like a relief to finally say it out loud. It felt good but terrible to hear it at the same time. 

His eyes suddenly widened as those words came out of my mouth, some sort of fear, embarrassment. For the first time I felt real emotions surface his face as I stood there with tears smudged on my face from speaking those words. 

"I didn't cheat," I gulped. "I have kept it within me until now so thank you Malfoy," I shrugged my shoulders. "I hope you're fucking happy now. I hope your dream came true to destroy your fucking enemy. You should go celebrate," I gestured as I threw my hands up in the air. I turned around as I walked away from him, I needed to get away from here as fast as possible. 

I wiped the smudged tears away from my face as I turned down the other hallway to look for Bonnie. She stood there with Fred as she held a set of bunched up cards in her hand, counting them. "Evelyn!" She called out with a huge smile across her face as I smiled back, hurringing towards her. "Fred finally gave me these cards, time to complete my  _ collec—"  _ She paused. "Evelyn, have you been crying? Why is your face all red?" 

"What? No I haven't been. I accidentally poked myself in the eye trying to remove a piece of hair off my face as I slightly teared up, my eye get irritated so I'm guessing that's why my face is red,"I lied as I pressed my palms lightly against my face, trying to lighten down the redness. 

"Evelyn, look at me," She brought my face up to her, as I stood there silent. "You need eye drops but I know the spell, hold on," She took out her wand as she aligned it against my forehead, the coldness ran down my nerves, calming everything out, and I felt more relaxed. 

"Thanks for that. I should really memorize that one," I chuckled slightly as she nodded her head. "I see you finally got your cards," I looked down at the collection in her hands. 

"I finally did. Fred is just down there if you want to say hi," I walked towards that way as I looked for him, he stood there calmly with the letter in his hands as he talked to a random Hogwarts student. 

"Fred!" I called out as he smiled looking my way. He excused himself from the student as he pulled me into a hug. "I missed you so much," I spoke as I rubbed his back. 

"I missed you too Eve," his hug brought warmth to me, from the situation before, I felt secure and okay. I think all I needed was a hug from my old buddy and I finally got it. 

"I wish you were able to visit more often," I sighed pulling away. 

"I wish I could be too darling," The corner of his mouth frowned as he took a deep breath. "Did you meet George?" He asked as I nodded, my eyes wandered to the room to look for a glimpse of him again but I saw someone else instead. 

His eyes directly on me as he watched my eye move, not looking away once. His platinum blonde hair ruffled as the green robes brought out his eyes and complexion completely. My eyes met his as he froze suddenly, all I saw was a disgusting human who had to stoop so down to this level, yeah we hated each other but I never thought it would come to this. I looked away as I saw George speaking to McGonagall. I walked towards him, waiting on the side as he finished his conversation. 

"I can't imagine you working at the Ministry honestly," I spoke up. He laughed as he walked towards me. "How come?" He tilted his head looking at me as he played with the corners of his letter. "Well you're George, does that really need an explanation?" I laughed as he shook his head. "I'm doing this for my mother, just temporarily. Then we'll be back in business." 

"So what should I call you now? Mr. Weasley?" I joked as he came and stood to my side against the table. "Evelyn, what Malfoy said back there, was it true?" He asked as I parted my lips to say something but bit down on it instead, trying to come with a gullible answer. "No, it wasn't. You know Malfoy since day one, he isn't going to change and besides why should we trust what he says." 

"I know  _ but—" _

"But what? Are you going to take Malfoy's word over mine?" I questioned turning to face him directly. "Let me remind you George it was you who slept with Angelina when we took a break from each other. I didn't sleep with anyone," Not willingly. "But I'm not holding a grudge at you for it. Angelina is an amazing, sweet person and I'm glad you're with someone like her," She's amazing and sweet but also mentally stable unlike you. 

"I know. I'm sorry," He looked down at his feet. "I'm sorry you're right. All of that is old and we're onto new paths. Right?" He looked back up at me for confirmation. 

"Right," It's just you to be honest, I'm still stuck on the last chapter but I'll be rooting for you.


	5. FIVE

" **I'M** tired of this class," Bonnie spoke as she flipped through her potions book unenthusiastically, yawning as she slouched in her chair. "Do you think Slughorn would notice if I just got up and left?" She asked me as I turned my head to face her, adjusting my body from the standing chair. "I think he's too busy paying attention to Harry to even look our way so take your chances." 

She slightly squinted her eyes looking towards the professor before she made a move to get up. I observed her for a while as the minute felt longer than the microwave minute. "I think I'm going to take my chances, I don't think we're doing anything special today," She talked as I agreed with her, shrugging my shoulders lightly as she put all her parchment papers and books away into her bag, quietly. 

"If he asks about me, tell him I'm dead. See you at dinner," She spoke as she quietly turned around looking back one last time before she left. 

I chuckled to myself as I shook my head, looking down as I held my quill to scribble on the corner of the parchment, drawing circles and squiggly lines out of boredom. "Alright students, I apologize for the late start of class," Slughorn spoke as my eyes frew up onto him, cursing under my breath because Bonnie had just left class. "We will be making a  _ Skele-Gro _ potion today so gather up with your partners to give in a grade for today's class participation," He turned around facing his desk as students began getting up from their desks to grab the ingredients to make the potion. 

_ Ingredients: _

_ Chinese chomping cabbage (¼) Puffer-fish (⅓)  _

_ Scarab beetles (½) _

I placed the book on the corner of the table as I reread the ingredients one last time before getting off of my chair and walking up front to grab my ingredients.  _ Chinese chomping cabbage, puffer-fish, scarab beetles _ . I repeated to myself as I walked up to the shelves of different beakers, different shaped glass bottles, sphere, diamond shaped bottles and everyone took what they needed. I grabbed onto the last puffer-fish bottle as someone else's hand grabbed onto as well. I jerked my head to the side as Malfoy stood beside me, his gaze burning onto mine as I pushed the bottle towards me but he tugged it towards him, making me trip towards him.

"I touched it first, so technically it's mine," I spoke, tightening my grip on the bottle. 

"Last time I checked, I didn't listen to what you have to say so it's mine and I'm taking it," He said, pushing my hand off the bottle but I placed my second hand on top of the bottle, trying to leverage it towards me. 

"Your lips keep moving I don't know why," I intentionally smiled as I tried to yank the bottle from him.

"This is mine so fuck off Young."

"It's mine," I protested as I leaned towards him. "Let go, Malfoy." 

"You first," He spoke as a smirk grew across his face, pulling the bottle towards his chest as I grew closer to him. I pushed him away as he almost pushed off a big diamond shaped bottle of liquid wolfsbane. 

"What on earth are you children doing?" Slughorn talked as he walked towards us. "He took my bottle of puffer fish," I tugged the bottle towards me. 

"You don't own the bottle, Young and either way I took it first," He leaned closer.

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did," I stepped closer. 

"Enough!" Slughorn pronounced as he watched us fight over a bottle of puffer fish. "Malfoy who's your partner?" He asked as Malfoy looked back at his table. 

"Nott isn't here today," He finally spoke. "What about you Young?" I parted my lips to makeup a partner but everyone seemed to have one and Bonnie had left class so it was just me. 

"Bonnie isn't here  _ today, _ " I lied as I looked away back at Malfoy who held onto the bottle just as strongly as I did. "Since neither of your partners are here, which you should've told me in the beginning of this task, you will be working together," He turned around as he continued mumbling something to himself. 

I let go of the bottle as I muttered  _ asshole _ to myself, walking away from him. "Want to say that louder for me, Young?" He shouted as I raised my hand and gave him the middle finger, sarcastically smiling. He rolled his eyes as he walked towards my table, settling the rest of the ingredients. I read the book again for the instructions for the potion as I turned my head to Malfoy throwing in the scarab beetles without cutting them into pieces. "You're supposed to cut them, then throw it into the cauldron," I shoved him to the side as I stared at the pot shaking my head. 

He moved forward, towards me pushing me out of the way "I know what I'm doing Young so stop interfering," He talked back as he continued to mix the ingredients into the cauldron. "You're doing it wrong and I'm really trying to get a good grade for this class so shove off if you can't do it right," I gripped his arm, giving him the invitation to move aside. "Hands off, Young. I know what I'm doing you don't need to  _ lecture—" _

_ The cauldron exploded.  _

_ Fuck.  _

I waved my hand in front of my face, clearing up the black air in front of me as I coughed. I squinted my eyes looking forward as Malfoy was wiping the black smoke spots from his face when I got up. "What in Merlin's sake were you guys doing?" Slughorn rushed to our table as I straightened out my school robes. "As stated in the book, you're supposed to brew the potion not blow it up," He expressed as he cleared the black smoke from his face that still lingered in the air. 

"I was doing it right but Young wouldn't back off," Malfoy protested as my jaw dropped out of confusion. "You were throwing in the ingredients, I was telling you how to do it the proper way, don't blame this on me," I fought back as I scoffed. 

"This is your fault," He talked back. 

"My fault?" My eyes widened from disbelief. "This is your  _ fault—" _

"Enough," Slughorn interfered with our bickering. "You'll both receive detention tonight," He walked away from the table as I shoved the potion books inside of my bag, shoving him as I walked out of class. 

—

I walked down from the girls dormitory towards the fireplace as Bonnie went through a couple of magazines that all included ball gown dresses. I walked my way onto the couch as I propped myself onto it, comfortably sinking into it after a long hour of scrubbing of black ash off my skin. "Did you know all of these dresses only look good on these models. I've never seen any pull it off like these them," She talked as she skimmed through the other pile of magazines one my one. "Bonnie, half of these pictures are photoshopped and I think everyone looks good in their own way in these dresses, why compare?" 

She hummed. "True," She muttered. "Do you know what you're going for?" She asked as I raised a brow looking her way. 

"Why should I be picking out a ball gown dress?" I asked, straightening myself as I looked at the clock. "Well you know the annual Christmas Ball that we have yearly. This time I heard it may be a competition," She talked as I gave it a thought. I have always loved dancing. I have taken part in many competitions before, and won them but ever since my mom expressed her hatred for it, I backed off from it and focused on my medical studies. 

"We should take part in it. It'll be fun and something refreshing," She spoke as my silence made the flipping of her pages immensely loud. "I'll think about it Bonnie, who would you go with?" I asked as she froze in her tracks, looking up as she gave me a slight guilty look. "Oh god," I paused, leaning back. "Don't tell me you're going with Nott?" I asked as she flashed me a guilt smile, raising her shoulders. "Is that who you left class for today?" 

"What?" She questioned. "I have no clue what you're talking about," She looked back down at the magazine of beautiful women in different types of ball gown dresses. I leaned forward as I snatched the magazine out of her hands making her look up at me. "Spill. Now," I smiled. She took a deep breath as she smiled at me. "Fine, him and I are back together but it's on the low. We're taking it slow." She bit the corner of her lip slightly as she looked at me for some sort of—c _ onfirmation? _

"So you and Nott," I hummed taking in the information. "That's very interesting but I support it. Do whatever your heart desires but if he breaks your heart, it's on sight with him. I will not hesitate to stupefy the living shit of him," I laughed as she shook her head. 

"I heard my name," A deep voice emerged from the back as Theodore walked in towards us. "Speak of the devil," I spoke as he sat beside Bonnie. "Oh please I know you guys are in love with me, no need to be so obvious about it."

I laughed as Bonnie cuddled with him. "Aren't you supposed to be at detention?" Nott asked as I looked back at the clock. Then it suddenly hit me.  _ Potions. Malfoy. Cauldron. Explosion. Detention. _

" _ Shit. Shit. Shit,"  _ I hurried up as I collected myself rushing out of the common room, throwing the robes on me as I slid my arms into it quickly heading towards Slughorn's class. The corridors were empty as I quite literally ran to his class quickly trying not to get another detention. Slughorn stood in front of his table as he was startled at my sudden presence. 

"Ms. Young, you've finally decided to show up," He said as I wanted to bury myself six feet under, at his words. "You'll be cleaning all these ingredient bottles and refilling them from the cabinets. Understood?" He asked.

"Yes," I nodded my head. "Isn't Malfoy supposed to be here as well?" I questioned as he shrugged his shoulders slightly. "You'll get to work without him and if he doesn't show up within the next ten minutes, he'll receive another detention," Slughorn spoke as he clutched onto his items and walked out of class. I annoyingly made my way to the table as I began cleaning the bottles one by one placing them on the cleaner side of the table.

I looked up at the clock as fifteen minutes had passed by and Malfoy still hadn't showed up, leaving me to do all the work. I cleaned the last remaining twenty bottles as I moved them to the cleaner side, leaning back onto a chair as I stretched out my hands, taking a break. Thirty minutes had passed and he still hadn't showed up. I took a deep breath as I had a whole conversation about his lateness in my head back and forth. 

I grabbed a wet wipe as I wiped down the dirty side of the table, throwing it away as I washed my hands in the sink then dried my hands with a paper towel afterwards. I looked up at the cabinet as I reached for it, opening it but the bottles were far back making me drop my head. I grabbed a chair placing it below the cabinet, as I looked for the ingredients that I needed puffer-fish one.  _ Of fucking course _ . I looked back at the rest of the ingredients as I sorted them out. 

One of the ingredients, fluxweed, was all the way at the back of the cabinet, I leaned forward as the chair wobbled a little, making me grip onto the corner of the cabinet for support. I took a minute to steady myself as I shook my head, straightening myself to grab the ingredient. I pulled back as I attempted to get off the chair but the unbalanced chair wobbled again making me slip off the chair. I closed my eyes expecting myself to hit the floor and possibly die which I didn't— _ mind _ .

Instead of dying which would've been more convenient, I felt supported by a pair of arms around me, steadying me from not hitting the floor. I had my eyes shut tightly as I opened them slowly to look where I was. I opened my eyes to see his grey eyes staring at me, studying my entire face as I watched my arms that were on his shoulders for balance. He observed me for a couple more minutes as I broke the silence. "I don't know if I should thank you or be creeped out. Though I'm really falling towards the second part," I talked as he lowered me onto my feet. 

I turned around looking at the floor to see if anything broke but thankfully everything was fine but my unstable self. "Your welcome," He spoke as I awkwardly turned around facing him. 

"Thanks— _ I guess. _ " I spoke turning back around to the cleaned potion bottles. 

"Why the fuck were you on a unsteady chair anyways? Do you have a death wish?" He questioned leaning against the table. I shot him an irritated look as he tilted his head. I didn't answer.

He didn't deserve to get answers after— _ after that day.  _

"Did you lose your ability to speak as well when you fell off that chair?" He asked as I ignored his question doing what I was originally doing. He grew irritated by the second as he spoke again. "Answer me Young before I make you," I huffed as I turned back to the lower ingredient cabinet to pull out the rest of the items. 

"I'm all good," I spoke looking at the labels of the potion glasses. "Look at me when I talk to you," He strutted as I rolled my eyes, ignoring his comments. 

He gripped my arm making me face his direction, pushing me against the cabinet. "Look. At. Me," He talked as my eyes stared right at his soul. His grip startled me as it brought memories back of that night, making me shake as he touched me. "Take your hands off of me Malfoy," I glared at him. "Now." 

He loosened his grip around my arm as he stepped back from me, anger wavered his face. "I don't want to talk to you. Take a fucking hint and stay the fuck away Malfoy. I'm almost done here so you can leave," I walked over to the table as I began filling up the bottles on one my one as I began organizing them onto the shelf. I felt his presence behind me as he stood there watching me silently. I hated him. I hated him so much but I turned around to face him. 

"If you're going to stand there the least you could do is help me out since you're partially— _ wait— _ mainly the reason we're here," I spoke turning back around, placing each bottle by height and ingredient on the shelf one by one as I filled them up. "We wouldn't be here if you would've just let me do what we were supposed to do Young," He talked back as I ignored his comment and was not in the mood to argue anymore. I know it bothered him that I didn't say anything back which was good, he could stay bothered and I could care less. 

I watched his hands as he grabbed the clean bottles and filled them up with the labeled ingredients I taped on. I hated his presence and usually we wouldn't last more than five minutes breathing the same air as each other but in this moment, it was silent but peaceful because his bickering ferret voice wasn't talking.


	6. SIX

" **SO** have you decided what type of dance you're going to do?" I asked as we sat at the Great Hall table for breakfast. I added waffles to my plate and as I poured honey onto them I watched Bonnie as she contemplated the thousand magazines in front of us. "Theo what do you think we should do?" Bonnie asked Theo who was still in his pajamas, sipping a cup of tea, half passed out. 

" _ Huh? What _ ? What happened?" He spoke confused as I laughed putting a piece of waffle in my mouth. 

"You need to go sleep in a  _ bed, _ " I spoke, shaking my head as Bonnie, who faced Theo, stroked his hand to wake him up, corny but okay. I watched as they mumbled sweet things to each other just eating my waffles as I watched Crabbe gobble down two boiled eggs within a matter of seconds. 

"You dumb witted fuck, you ate all the eggs asshole," A random Slytherin girl I didn't know poked him with a fork. 

"I don't know what you're talking about, I only had one," Crabbe spoke, drinking his banana smoothie. 

"You lying Gargoyle, I will smother you in your sleep," The girl spoke as I let out a laugh. She turned her gaze towards me as she eyed me. "Can I help you? You think him eating all my eggs is funny?" She spoke in a pissed tone as I smiled. 

"That's Crabbe, that's sort of his thing to eat all the eggs," I paused, picking up my bowl that had an egg and presenting it towards her. "You can have mine, I don't like eggs." 

She hesitantly moved forward taking the bowl from my hand as she placed it in front of her. "Thanks." She spoke studying the egg as I turned back to my breakfast. "I apologize for being rude, that wasn't my intention. I'm Amelia Brooks." I smiled as I moved over from Theo and Bonnie doing their corny couple things. 

"I'm Evelyn Young," I presented my hand as she shook it gently, placing it back on her lap. 

"Pretty name, why have I never seen you around? You seem  _ cool, _ " She asked.

"I have no idea. I thought I knew everyone in the house, guess you learn new things everyday," She smiled slightly as she shook her head. 

"Well it is certainly nice to meet you, this is going to sound very weird but I think we're going to be great friends. I have these psychic powers, it's small but very entertaining," She confessed as I was absorbed into her conversation more and more as she talked. 

"That actually sounds very cool, I'll know who to come for future predictions then," We laughed as I cut into my waffles feeling someone sit beside me.

I turned my head as Malfoy sat between me and Bonnie, her still being oblivious with Theo. He leaned in grabbing a piece of waffle as he threw it in his mouth. "I didn't know I was sharing breakfast," I breathed as I moved away from him. He moved more towards me on purpose to annoy me. "What do you want?" I asked. He tilted his head to look at me. 

"Nothing, I'm just eating waffles, like you," I blinked. 

"Get. Your. Own. Waffles." I gave him a fake smile as he leaned in taking another piece of waffle from my place. 

"I am eating my own waffles," He spoke as he took another one from my place, annoying me to the fullest. 

"If I could use the  _ Avada _ curse on you right now, I would. But I'm being nice so get out of my face.

," He didn't say anything except lean forward as his face was inches away from mine. He studied my face for a minute as I gulped with his body proximity to mine. 

"I could feel intense tension from here. Are you guys like dating?" Amelia spoke, putting a blueberry in her mouth. 

His eyes flickered down to my lips for a  _ split _ second as loads of questions ran through my head. "We aren't dating, this is just a pervert prick sitting in front of my face being an annoying bitch," I spoke pressing my palms against his chest, pushing him away. 

" _ Ouch Young _ , I thought you could do better than that," He spoke out as he threw a blueberry in his mouth giving me a smirk. 

"So are you guys friends with benefits or something?" Amelia asked as my gaze burned onto his face. 

"I would  _ never _ sleep with a walking STD case," I turned towards Amelia, pushing my seat away from him. 

"I'm pretty sure the STD case name belongs to Nott, my fellow guy here, knocked out on the table," He gestured his hand towards him. Theo had his forehead against the table as he snored lightly with Bonnie playing with his hands as she flipped through her magazine pages. Amelia sat back amused looking at us as she sipped on her tea. 

"May I remind you that on the first day you were hooking up with a Ravenclaw?" I questioned looking at him. 

"Woah, now this is some real tea," Amelia spoke, entertained. 

"Isn't it funny how you remember everything I do? Sounds like an obsession to me, Young." I rolled my eyes as I got up from my seat, collecting my books. 

"I don't have time for this. I have to go to Charms class," I spoke getting up from the table. 

"Wait, I have Charms too, let's go together." Amelia spoke getting up quickly. 

I waited for her to return as I looked down at Malfoy, leaning down towards his face. "I am not obsessed with you. Just because you have a dick doesn't mean you have to act like one." I leaned back as I walked out of the class with Amelia. I walked quietly as I argued with myself in my head, I could feel Amelia just staring at me. 

"So are you going to keep talking to yourself or let it out?" She spoke as I took a deep breath. 

"He drives me so fucking mad, with his stupid snarky comments, he acts like a fourteen year old kid who thinks everyone is in love with him."

"Well that's Draco Malfoy, I haven't interacted with him ever, thank god, but what's new?" She spoke. 

"Well him and I have disliked each other since the first year so it's like a rivalry between us since forever— _ ugh _ ."

"That reminds me of a book I was reading, it's called ' _ The Hating Game'  _ by Sally Throne and it's about these two people who work in an office and they absolutely hate each other's presence but they slowly begin to realize they're more alike than different and fall in love," She explained the story part by part as I took interest in it. 

"That sounds like a great  _ fictional _ love story that every girl dreams of while reading these books, we all know that doesn't happen in real life Amelia." 

"You'd be surprised, life can be full of surprises." She talked as we walked into Charms class, settling into our seats. Professor Flitwick walked into class as I opened up my book placing it on the side as he talked about how to do a draught charm. I laid my face against the desk as I closed my eyes passing out in class. 

One side of my face rested against the desk as I crossed my arms in front of face, not allowing any of the light to come to my face. At first everything was fine, it was like a normal nap time during any class of the week. I felt more relaxed and at peace, as I slept during class but aware of my surroundings and Flitwick's footsteps. I was fine at first, everything was until my mind went back to that night of fifth year. 

Flashing lights were everywhere, every corner was filled with people drunk, high, passed out, and there were rooms where people were hooking up casually. People were dancing against each other as I remember having a drink in my hand, passing through people when I felt a hand around my wrist. I don't remember his face, I don't remember who he was, I don't know anything but the pain and guilt I felt that night. I wanted to die. I wanted to stand on the edge of the Astronomy tower and throw myself off of it but I couldn't.

My hands were trembling, I was shaking terribly. My hands were all sweaty from the heat as I could feel the ache in my body increase. I felt pain on my hips, legs, abdomen. I felt pain everywhere, it kept circling around over and over again, speaking like a virus throughout my body. I jerked my head up as I looked around with a few heads turning towards me at my sudden movement.

I couldn't breathe. I needed to breathe. I kept hyperventilating. I felt like I was being suffocated. 

My hands were trembling as everything around me was blurry all of a sudden, I saw darkness and disco lights, people, I saw a man grab me by the wrist and pull me into a room. I don't know who. I pushed my chair out as my head snapped back into reality and suddenly everyone was staring at me. Amelia looked at me terrified as she rubbed my back, I didn't know what was happening. 

I felt my body tune out Amelia's voice and Flitwick's concerned voices calling me out. My eyes wandered the room all around, it kept shifting around the classroom and that night of the party. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to breathe. 

My eyes caught a familiar face as my eyes stayed stuck on him like glue. I couldn't move. I felt trapped. I felt locked in place. I felt myself move as Amelia got me to my feet out of my chair, everyone was staring at me weirdly as I felt myself— _ drowning but there was no water.  _

The familiar blonde got out of his seat as he walked over to me, hesitating to touch me as if I was delicate like a piece of thin glace that would break at his touch. Amelia pushed my hair back as I flinched at the contact of her fingers on my face. She pulled back. The blonde placed his hand around my back to keep me up as he took me out of class. I felt the fresh breeze hit against my body as it filled up my nerves completely. 

"I can't breathe—I—I feel suffocated," I stuttered as the only solace grip to my hand was his. "I feel trapped. I'm trapped," I talked as words blurted out of my mouth. I felt my legs move against the ground but I felt my soul stilled and frozen in place as if the world was moving and I was falling backwards. My eyes wandered up to him as he looked forward, taking me towards the hospital wing.

"No—no—no—no. I don't—I don't want to," I cried out as I felt my body stop at those words. "Please I don't want to. I don't—please," I struggled against his grip but it loosened as he pulled me into the other direction near a pillar ground. "Please—I don't want to," I felt my vision change back to the dark room with flashing lights as his nasty hands wandered my wand. I felt  _ dirty _ . 

He sat me on the cement block as my back was against the pillar stone wall. He sat right in front of me as he curled his hands into a fist, hesitating to hold my hands as they trembled from fear. I knew what was going on but at the same time my mind was completely somewhere else. "Young, look at me," I heard his voice call out my name as my eyes wandered everywhere around the surroundings trying to find peace within my subconscious. " _ Young _ ." He called out my name again. 

My eyes wandered down to his light grey eyes as they stared into mine. I stared at him, completely oblivious of what was happening for a split second as I felt my mind attack me once again. "Please, don't hurt me—please—just leave me alone—I—I have a boyfriend—d," I cried out as his hands left mine, the warmth that surrounded me left as he struggled to physically touch me without me feeling  _ raped _ . 

"Young, look at me," He called out my name as my blurry vision looked at him trying to clear my mind that Malfoy isn't him. "Focus on my voice," He called out my name again as the tears rolled down from my face, clearing my vision as I looked at his piercing eyes. I could feel my breathing increase rapidly as my mind shifted back and forth between what was real and what was fake. 

"Listen to my voice  _ only _ , Young," I looked at him as I nodded. "Repeat what I said."

"Listen to your voice,  _ only _ ." I finally spoke as I looked at him studying his features, how his grey eyes had a hint of blue and green, how his eyelashes were perfectly separated and curled up against each other, how he was trying to— _ help me? _

My shaky breathing didn't change as muttered  _ fuck _ underneath his breath and grabbed my hands as I looked down not knowing what was happening. "Listen to what I'm saying only. It's just you and me here," He talked as I started completely oblivious not understanding. "Talk to me. What's your favorite thing to eat?" He talked more as I parted my lips to speak but the weight of my lashes made me blink aggressively as I wanted to close my eyes and fall asleep. 

"C—Cherry ic—ice cream a—and chocolate covered-straw-strawberries," I struggled hardcore trying to get myself together, focusing on his voice as he clutched onto my hands, slighly stroking it as it calmed me. "Do you know where you are right now?" He asked as I blinked. "With  _ you _ ."

I felt the weight of eyelids give up as I felt my eyes close, leaning against him as he supported me. I gently pressed my forehead against his to feel physically supported by touch. I opened my eyes for a second as the proximity of his eyes to mind felt surreal and I blinked closing them again and knocking out. "Just breathe," He repeated. "Breathe." He repeated over and over again until my ears tuned everything around me and into a  _ comfortable _ deep sleep.


	7. SEVEN

**IT** is absolutely terrifying to let someone in and let them see the darkest corners of your soul, the reason why you cry and why they make you so happy. It is absolutely terrifying because you're scared that they might run away with your secrets and never give them back to you.

I was absolutely terrified to let him out of all people to see the vulnerable side to me. That a piece of me was dying each and every moment as that memory replayed in my head, I had no sort of closure to allow myself to move on. That night is the reason I'm holding myself from everything.

I'm scared. I may act like everything around me is completely fine and I am okay, but inside I feel like I'm crumbling into small littles pieces and it terrifies me to know that I may not be able to come out of that trap inside of me. That it will become the crumpled up piece of paper thrown away in the trash can.

"Ever since I missed the very first class for Defense Against the Dark Arts, Snape has not let me catch a break," Bonnie's voice made me break out of my thoughts as I focused on what she was saying. "He literally bombarded me with five fucking essays and two detentions for not being at the very first class. He is the definition of insane." We sat in class as we worked on our given assignment to rewrite few of the spells that we learned over our weekend homework. We're supposed to write on a piece of paper and turn it in as class work participation as a guarantee that we did our reading. 

"Bonnie, we've had Snape as our teacher for quite a few years now, I don't think his behavior should come as a surprise anymore," I spoke as I held the delicate quill in my hand, scribbling down the spells so I can get it over with as soon as possible. "To make you feel better he went easy on you, well on our house. He usually takes fifty points away, ten essays and five detentions from other houses for missing the first day," She widened her eyes as she looked into mine. 

"Twice the fucking work? Okay he has officially passed insanity," She groaned out as she secretly worked on her essays in class as I did her work for her, trying to make it look as different as I possibly can. I let out a chuckle on her words as my eyes looked up to meet the familiar grey ones. 

Time felt stilled. It always does when I'm around him. 

It wasn't just a normal mistaken eye contact from him, it was on purpose. He was already staring before I did. We stared at each other longer than the average time. It was  _ different _ . I took a slight breath in as I looked away, down at the piece of parchment as I admired the quill in my hand trying to distract my head from his glaring eyes. 

I haven't spoken to him since the class panicking incident. He was there for me when I needed someone, out of all people it was him and weirdly he knew exactly what to do and how to do it as if he had done this before. I haven't spoken to him ever since he took me to my dorm and laid me on my bed making sure I was safe. Amelia told me. No one else besides her knows,  _ thankfully _ . 

You'd be thinking to yourself right now on how I haven't thanked him for being there for me, how he was a source of comfort and didn't use it as a method to taunt me. Believe me when I say I want to say something but it's like a physical force is holding me back, a sense of fear and unsurety on how to react. 

I've tried multiple times to go up to him and say something but I turn around and find a way to bury my mind into a grave and pretend I'm dead or something. I guess I just don't know how to react to the fact of someone being there for me, being  _ caring _ ? Bonnie and I have known each other since the first year of Hogwarts so what I had with her was different, she was like a family I never had. But with Malfoy, it was something  _ new, fresh, intriguing _ that pulled me in. 

We have never liked each other, ever. We have never cared for each other, ever. So why now? Why was he the one out of anyone in this universe, be the one to comfort me ? He could've left me there to fend for myself and deal with it but he didn't. He sat there, found ways to calm me down, hesitated to touch me because he wasn't sure if  _ I _ was comfortable. It was intriguing like I said. 

He picked me up when I passed out against his shoulder, taking me to my dorm making sure no one saw us. He stayed until someone came to my dorm and sat by me. I haven't told Bonnie what happened because I can't. It took a lot of me that day to even tell Malfoy a glimpse of it, I don't know how I can tell Bonnie without wanting to break down. I haven't cried about that night, ever. I haven't thought about it, I buried it within my mind, away. 

Amelia, who I just recently met, stayed with me and made sure no one saw me, especially Bonnie since I'd worry her and she'd miss Defense the Dark Arts again. I didn't want her to be swarmed with work again. So it was a secret between Malfoy, Amelia and I, though I pretended it didn't happen. Amelia would send worried glances my way but I'd return her a small smile assuring her I'm fine. 

I haven't properly slept since that day. I'm scared of seeing it happen all over again on my head. I don't ever want to think about that night, I want to erase it out completely. 

I haven't told my family either. Not any of them. They'd probably blame it on me frankly speaking. They'd ask me what I was doing? What I was wearing? Instead of asking me if I'm okay. It hurts to think that but I like to pretend it doesn't, it's easier that way. I don't know how to explain to them my clothes aren't consent to sex. Resisting is one of the words in the dictionary that implies no. 

No means no and that word comes in many different forms just the way they're different ways you can say a word in different languages, they all mean the same thing at the end. 

"Alright I think I'm done with the first three essays about the verbal and non verbal spells and how to flick the wand. Three down, two more to go," She spoke as I blinked, bringing myself back into the disturbing peace of reality and looking at her work. 

"That sounds amazing, you sure do work fast Bon. What are the last two about?" I asked as she flipped through her notes, reading them as she raised a brow. "Something irrelevant that he found in his notes, something about a Phoenix sword I believe so. It's connected with a stone and  _ blah blah blah,  _ I'm not interested in it, it's probably very stupid so I'm just going to wing it," She spoke out as she gathered all her essays into one pile, putting them into a separate folder and into her bag. 

"I'm sure it'll be great, let me know when you're done with this detention course, it gives me a daily reminder to not miss his class," I let out a dry laugh as she nodded in disbelief in the amount of work she had to deal with. "Trust me you'll know when I'm done, I'll be throwing one hell of a party. The first class was weeks ago and I'm still dealing with this mess later on," I passed Bonnie the classwork I did for her as she re-read it, assuring herself and pulled her head down onto the table. "Do you know plans for any Halloween parties?"

My head jerked up with slight concern over the word 'party,' I hadn't been to one ever since that night and I didn't know if I wanted to go to one just yet. The wounds were still buried freshly. 

"I actually don't know any. I was wondering if we could do something else this Halloween. Something more fun than getting drunk and dressing up as bunny sluts.," I proposed as she studied me for a minute looking  _ conflicted _ . 

"You love parties Evelyn. It comes to a surprise that  _ you're _ saying no to a party," She tilted her head as she examined me. "Is everything alright? Is it your mother again? You know you can always talk to me right?" She spoke as she bombarded me with questions. 

"Bonnie," I paused. "I'm fine. I just wanted to do something different." 

As I finished my sentence, Snape got out from his table dismissing us as we all packed our things into our bags and folders, heading out of class. Bonnie went the other way to meet Theo since he was sick in bed. I kept my eye out for Malfoy as he walked out a few minutes later. He didn't notice me as he passed me in the halls that were now empty. 

"Malfoy," I called out his name as he stopped in his tracks, tuning around to face me as I breathed heavily from the anxiety I was getting. I walked towards him as he stood there, watching me approach him. "I wanted to  _ um—uh—I wanted to  _ talk to you," I stuttered badly as I wanted to smack myself across the face for being so dramatic. 

"Well, talk then," He spoke in a cold, harsh tone as it made me raise a brow in confusion for some weird reason. His tone bothered me when it shouldn't have. He always talked to me this way, it was how we did things, always. 

"Right. I just wanted to say— _ um—thank you, _ " I swallowed my saliva to speak again. "I appreciate you being there for me and  _ comforting _ me." 

His eyes were cold and straight as he looked at me. "I only did it because I didn't want to be blamed for leaving you in the middle of the corridor," His harsh words hurt me more than it should've. "Plus, Flitwick called me so it's not like I had a choice." He turned around to walk back in his tracks.

"Wait," I called him out again as he hesitated before he stopped again. "You're lying," I knew he was. When you look into someone's eyes for the first five seconds you see their true emotions before they mask the upcoming ones. I always loved eyes, they spoke louder than words and actions altogether. "You did it because you  _ car—" _

_ No he doesn't Evelyn. He's Malfoy.  _

He laughed. "You think I care about what happens to  _ you _ ?" He asked as I looked up at him. "Let me set this straight for you, Young. I don't care about you or what goes on in your life. I just happened to be there at the wrong time," He spoke out. 

I stood my ground as I looked up at him just when I thought that maybe just maybe he could have a redeeming quality. I took a step forward. "You know Malfoy I actually thought you had the capability of being a decent human being but I guess I was wrong, you're worse than anyone I know," I blurted out. "You're vile and pathetic and I feel embarrassed to even think about the fact that I shared something so personal with you," I felt a warm pain emerge in my eyes, poking me to cry in the middle of the hallway. But I didn't. "You don't know how it felt to be like that  _ yesterday _ —you know what, why am I even bothering to explain this to you. You're just a waste of time," I shoved past him as I headed towards the girls lavatory. 

I felt suffocated again. I felt like I couldn't breathe. 

Everything hurt over and over again. I didn't even want to cry yet I was. I dropped my bag to the floor as I stood leaning against the sink, watching the mascara smudge all over my eye as I looked at myself in the mirror. 

_ You're embarrassing.  _

_ You're dirty.  _

_ You're worthless.  _

I couldn't escape my wandering thoughts. They kept attacking my mind over and over again no matter how hard I tried to escape them. I kept getting mad over the smallest little things and I had no clue why. It hurt. His words. How could he be so cold and harsh and feel no emotions. He was pathetic and vile and cruel. I felt embarrassed to let him in. 

I feel ashamed. I let my guard down. 

I clutched onto my throat as I tired to calm down my breathing. I felt suffocated. I felt like dying. I wondered if my family would care if I died? No they wouldn't. They'd get over it in less than a week. They don't care. No one does. 

_ Everyone leaves, everyone dies. No one cares.  _

I needed to breathe. Just breathe Evelyn, just breathe, it's okay. You've got yourself and that's all that matters. 

_ Why does everything hurt so much? Why does everything hurt? It hurts. Make it stop please.  _

I collapsed onto the floor as I tried to pull myself together. This was an abandoned lavatory so I wasn't worried about anyone walking in here. I wanted to breathe but suffocation felt good. 

_ Just breathe Evelyn, just breathe, you got this. You deserve better than this.  _

_ Everything hurt and I wanted it to end.  _

I cornered myself into the wall as I pressed my hand against my chest trying to breathe in and out, just breathe. 

I was so lost within my thoughts that I didn't even hear the door open or hear someone walk in. I wasn't even paying attention as I looked down at the white tiled floor. I saw black shoes emerge towards me as my glossy teared eyes looked up. 

It was  _ him _ . 

_ Malfoy _ . 

I immediately got up from the floor as I tried to brush past him but he didn't let me as I hyperventilated from the lack of oxygen in me. He pushed me against the wall as there was distance between us. "Just breathe, Young," He called out to me as I looked towards him in utter confusion and what the fuck he was doing. "Just fucking breathe." 

"What the hell are you doing here?" I questioned his intentions as his hands were on both sides of my shoulder, pinning me against the wall to stop me from collapsing onto the floor. "Just leave," I spoke out as I curled my hands into a fist, letting the nails dig into my palms to relax my nerves. 

_ Just breathe.  _

I closed my eyes as I calmed down, slowly sliding down onto the floor as my knees gave up. His hands kept me balanced as I sat on the cold floors. My hand was clutching against his white collared shirt as he did not rebel against it. "Why are you here? Just leave," I looked down as I clutched onto his shirt even harder. I don't know what's wrong with me. 

_ I don't even know who I was. The girl I knew died that night.  _

He didn't respond to me instead he quietly sat there looking at me waiting for me to burst again. Instead of saying anything I just leaned against him as I breathed slowly, trying to revive it back to its normal pace again. I don't know why I was leaning against him and I don't know why he was letting me. My head rested on his shoulder as he sat there. 

_ Why?  _

"Why did you stay?" I asked as my head stayed against his shoulder. He breathed slightly before he answered. "This doesn't change what I said earlier. I didn't want to be the reason you did something stupid to yourself," He spoke as I looked up at him, his face centimeters apart from mine. "You think I was going to  _ hurt _ myself?" I asked. 

He didn't say anything. My grip loosened on his shirt. "I wouldn't kill myself because of you Malfoy," I got up from the floor as I wiped my tears away, picking up my bag. "I wouldn't do that to myself because of you. You aren't fucking worth that, you're just cruel and selfish," I blurted out as I walked out of the lavatory leaving him there. 

_ His words hurt because they somehow mattered _ _. _


	8. EIGHT

**WHY** is it when the story ends, we begin to feel all of it? 

When you first pick up a book, you look at the cover. You breakdown the way it's designed and what key factors on it may be connected to the story. If there's a dagger on the front page you might indicate as related to the kingdom era, is the king being assassinated by another? By his nemesis? By his lover? By who? 

Though people say to never judge a book by it's cover, I think the first thing we all do is judge a person by how they have represented themselves on the outside. I know we all do, it's basic human nature to do it as much as we tell ourselves not to. 

I don't mind soft covered books but I prefer hard covers. They're more protective of the pages inside of it. Just the way a person should be with their heart. No one should allow their hearts to be played with like toys, to pick up when they like it, then put it aside when they're bored. I believe everyone should know their worth and what they're capable of doing. 

Some people present themselves as heartless, cold, emotionless, to protect their heart because they're so scared of letting anyone hurt them. They're scared of someone having the power to take their heart and stomp on it and then walk away so they act cold, not letting anyone in. 

But those are the same people that want to be loved, want to be held, want to be cared for. 

So they put up walls, to protect themselves from the heartbreak, the pain, the void. 

So why do we judge a book by it's cover when we don't know what's inside yet? When we look at a treasure box, it's usually covered in mud, dirt, all kinds of hideous things you can think of but we've studied about it and know it contains diamonds, gold, jewels, money, and all kinds of great, intriguing things. So why do we judge a book by it's cover when we have yet to learn what it may or may not contain? 

When you read a book, in the moment, you're enjoying all the good that comes with the bad. You're living a whole movie in your head. Words can mean a lot more than you can imagine. Words stick with you wherever you go, which is insane when you think about it. If you use the correct words, it can persuade many,  _ many _ people what's to see. 

When the story ends, so does a part of you. 

"I think I'm going to take part in this even though it hasn't been announced yet," Bonnie's voice came as I blocked my thoughts away. "When do you think it's going to happen?" I looked up at her from my place at the breakfast table, exhausted. 

"How are you this energetic at nine in the morning?" I spoke tiredly, bringing my head up. "Plus it's related to the Christmas Ball. That happens yearly, so it'll probably be in December. There's a whole month to that so don't stress it too much and let me devour my waffles and sleep," She shook her head, looking back at her magazines. 

"Crabbe you need to stop eating my  _ fucking— _ " Amelia's voice came out of the blue that screeched in my ear. 

"Amelia," I called out her name. "Take mine and please shut up. I want to sleep desperately for the last ten minutes of breakfast," I felt her take the bowl from my hand, muttering something underneath her breath. I've only known Amelia for a couple of days but our friendship seemed to click really quick. 

I laid my head back down onto the table, feeling someone sit in front of me but paid no attention. I wanted to sleep, even if it was just ten minutes. My head was throbbing from the amount of stress I've taken the last few days, family pressure mostly. No matter how much I did, it was never enough for them, they always wanted more, they wanted the impossible. 

"Amelia just take my whole damn plate if Crabbe has devoured the whole buffet in front of us. You keep stabbing the plate to my head," I groaned. 

"Evelyn I'm not touching your plate. It's  _ uh— _ " I looked up to Malfoy purposely eating the waffles from my plate. I hated when people touched my food without asking me. " _ Son of a bitch, _ " I muttered as I pushed my hair away from my face. 

I hadn't spoken to him since the bathroom incident, it was a momentary, moment of weakness and I'm over it. I just pretend it didn't happen, I pretend that I didn't share one of the most personal and private things of my life with the person I despised most in the world.  _ Him _ . 

"Malfoy unless you plan on attending your own funeral I suggest that you keep your hands to yourself and away from my fucking plate?" A sense of sarcastic tone in my voice as I pushed my plate away from him. He tilted his head with the typical Malfoy smirk, grabbing an apple from the basket as he took a crisp bite out of it. "I'm hoping buckbeak returns and instead of eating chicken and dead ferrets, he can eat you. You're technically a ferret aren't you?"

"You have the maturity of a fourteen year old," He scoffed, rolling his eyes. 

"I learned it from the best, you are great at acting like a fourteen year old. You should start a fucking podcast," I sneered, giving him a disgusted look as Amelia and Bonnie stared at us, I felt their gaze. Bonnie and Amelia haven't been introduced to each other properly but they had the same opinions on the rivalry between me and Malfoy, they called it  _ childish _ . 

"For someone that hates me, you sure do observe and pick up on every single thing I do," He took another bite out of his apple. 

"You know when we make The Draught Of Living Death, keep your eye out, I may slip some into your drink and will  _ never _ have to hear your voice again," He chuckled slightly as he gripped the apple gently with his hands, his rings sparkling as the light shone upon it. There was a cross shaped ring, an emerald ring, a serpent ring, and a round silver ring, as his blue and green veins emerged on his hands. 

"I won't be the only one looking out, you should too," He smirked as I breathed gathering my things, wanting to get away from him. 

"Wait," Bonnie called out. I turned around as she looked at me with a curious look. "We haven't gotten a chance to plan the Halloween party and it's nearby," She talked, finding a way to bring me back to the table, and to allow myself to be distracted. 

"Bonnie do whatever you want to do. I won't be going."

"What?" She questioned. "No you're going. You love Halloween and the last time we went to a party was in fifth year. You didn't even stay, you abruptly left for some reason you still never told me. C'mon it'll be fun Evelyn," I gulped, I haven't thought about that day in a week and I didn't need a reminder about that day again today. 

"Bonnie—"

"If she doesn't want to go, then she doesn't," Malfoy's voice interrupted me as my brows rose. "Besides she'll just ruin the mood so it's better if she's not there," He looked at the paper in front of him, reading it. I scoffed as I looked down for a split second, wanting to jump over the table and punch him across the way. 

"I'll be there Bonnie. I'll see you after class for the list, okay?" I asked as I took a step towards the table. "You should uninvite the ferret beside you, feed it to the birds instead," I smiled. "It'll free so many girls' dignity." 

-

I had Herbology. 

I mostly enjoyed it because of Neville. I loved listening to him talk about different types of plants, how many there were, how colors were significant to them, what their purpose was, it was fun. I mostly enjoyed the fact that I was one of the people he was able to talk to these things about. I wanted to be his person, the person he can always come to, talk to, to care for, because I know the feeling of having no one by your side and feeling the loneliness take over you. 

"Morning Neville," I smiled at him as I took a seat beside him, placing my bag on the floor. 

"Morning Evelyn, how have you been?" He asked politely as he carried his Herbology plant book in his hand. 

"I've been amazing Neville, what about? Got any new plant facts for me?" 

"Actually I learned about this new plant called  _ Opuntia ficus-indica, _ " He spoke as he flipped through his book. 

"That is one hell of a name Nev, what does it do? Is it edible?" I asked curiously. 

"You can actually eat it, which is concerning because of how scary it looks," He showed me the picture as I observed it. "It's a succulent shrub or tree ranging 1.5-3 m but it can grow up to 5 m—ficus-indica are conspicuous, bright yellow or orange, red in colour. It bears succulent edible berries which are reddish when ripe, about 8 cm long and covered with clusters of minute spines," He talked as I rested my chin on my palms, placing my elbows on the table as I faced him. 

"It's pretty interesting, if I ever spot one, we can cut it open together. Most people say it tastes like watermelon," Watermelons were my favorite thing in the world and the possibility of the plant tasting like it made me excited. 

"I look forward to it Neville. Watermelons are my favourite thing," He looked at me excitedly as he smiled. "Really? I love watermelons  _ too _ ."

"This is why we're friends because I need more people who like watermelon. Bonnie hates them," I shook my head as Professor Sprout walked in. 

"Good morning class, today we will be learning about the Venomous Tentacula which is basically a green, spiky, toothsome magical plant with mobile vines that try to grab living prey," The professor spoke as she with a flick of her wand passed the books for that particular class to everyone as we flipped through the page she asked for.

"Venomous expels venom from its shoots, and its spikes are deadly, It's bite is highly venomous and can easily stun or kill. It's juice is also a less than lethal poison," She continued as she flicked her wand again revealing the plants in front of us as we all backed out of our seats as I muttered a curse underneath my breath. "Don't worry students, the severing charm has been used on these plants so the plants have been stunned and vines have been severed."

Her words calmed most students down as we returned to our seats. Neville stood behind his chair still scared as he looked petrified. "Nev, it's fine. Trust me," I stretched out my hand for him, gaining his trust as he took it. He took a seat beside me as he settled down finally. 

"I apologize for the outburst but today you'll be observing the plant and writing about it, in your books. You'll hand it to me at the end of class for a grade," She spoke one last time as we turned to our work.

"Do you think if I push Malfoy near this, I'll finally get the chance to not hear his obnoxious bickering?" I asked Neville, his eyes widened out of curiosity. 

" _ I—I don't _ think you should push anyone near this," My head turned towards him as I gave myself a second to think. 

"Oh come on it's Malfoy. The world would be at peace without him. I mean if not this, I could always use the Draught of Living death."

"You thought about ways to  _ kill _ him?" Neville asked as I parted my lips to say something that wouldn't sound straight out of insanity. "You haven't?  _ Huh _ , interesting." 

"I mean I don't really understand why you guys hate each other. You're both purebloods, slytherin, and everything he likes so why do you guys not like each other?" He asked. I didn't have an answer. I couldn't form one properly. "Well I dislike him because he is one reckless, egoistical son of a bitch. I don't stand with his views about purebloods, and half bloods, or muggle borns and shit like that. It's honestly very stupid and irrelvant. He thinks so highly of himself for no reason like what is he? Prince Charming? No. Also he steals my waffles in the mornings so yes I have many reasons to dislike him."

_ Unless he gave me reasons not to. I believe in redemption but I don't know if we'll ever get one from the slytherin prince.  _

"I think you should breathe before you continue. I don't feel like taking you to the infirmary again," Neville spoke scribbling down on his parchment. 

"I know—I know. Last time it was because I hadn't eaten. I was too caught up with school work and other things. But I'm fine, don't worry," I smiled at him. "Okay so this very hideous plant has a giant eyeless head with fangs," I scribbled down on my parchment. "Many leaves...and large vines you could say," I talked as Neville shook his head. 

"The vines are for appendage, they act like arms and as aforementioned can be severed by the Severing Charm," He spoke as I scribbled down his observations. "You can also write that they eat chizpurfle, the professor gives extra points for extra knowledge sometimes," Neville talked as I happily wrote it down because who wouldn't want extra points added to your grades. 

The rest of the class passed by very quickly as Neville and I talked about more and other types of plants he researched about. Honestly, staying with Neville was the best highlight of my life. He made everything seem better.


	9. NINE

" **OH** don't be so dramatic Evelyn, it's just a damn party. Why are you acting this way?" She questioned me as I laid on my bed, reading a book. "Is there something I don't know? Is it because the last time you went was with George?" I got up immediately as my elbows rested against the bed and I looked her way. "Weasley isn't the reason I'm not going. Sometimes you don't feel like doing certain things Bonnie." 

"Yes I am aware Evelyn. I'm just  _ worried _ , like a best friend would be. You've been acting not yourself the past few weeks, you get mad easily, you disappear, you get lost in your thoughts to the point I've lost count so forgive me if I'm showing interest in your well being," She blurted out all her emotions as I felt guilty for being rude about her inviting me to the party. "I'm genuinely just concerned. I don't care if you want to go to the party or not. If you want we can stay in and read your favorite books. I can even make your favorite chocolate covered strawberries. We can even invite Amelia." 

I sighed as I couldn't answer her. I wish I could tell her and I had no one else to go to besides Malfoy. I don't want to go to him. He's the last person I'd want to be with on this earth. "Bonnie, I want you to throw a huge party, I just don't feel like going. I just feel isolated from everything and I just need time to myself. That's all," She took a deep breath in and I closed the book, placing it on the side desk beside me. 

"Fine, as you wish. Can you help me decorate the common room? I know you love Halloween," She asked as I nodded my head. As much as I hated the party that was being thrown, I wouldn't have minded decorating. Halloween was one of my favorite holidays because it was the one time you can dress up without being judged for it and just devour candy and treats. 

"Fine I'll help you," I got up as I ran my hand through my hair, untangling it. 

We went down the stairs of the dormitory as something felt unusual. I couldn't put my finger on it but something felt weird. The decorations were placed in the table by Bonnie, each color coded by black and neon orange. I noticed Malfoy on the couch but did not acknowledge his presence as much. Theo sat on the side of the tea area as he rubbed his eyes together since people were still waking up because it was a Saturday morning. 

"Okay so we got these spider decorations, they look creepy but I guess that's the point. We have skeletons, these long wall decorations and something for you," I blinked as I looked up, confused. 

"For me? I love presents but there's no occasion," I spoke as she smiled widely, looking behind me. I turned around as I saw Blaise standing, in his long coat, signaling for a hug. "Blaise?  _ Holy shit," _ I walked towards him, practically running as I hugged him. I had missed him so much. "I thought you weren't returning till Thanksgiving?" After a few seconds we pulled away as he messed up my hair. 

"I came back early for you since Bonnie mentioned you were probably missing me a little extra." 

"Oh you wish," I rolled my eyes as we laughed. 

"Mother is still on tour with her sister Celeste but I decided to take the early plane and took the train ride to Hogwarts. I can always see Paris another time," He spoke as I sighed in relief of him being here. Blaise and I had been friends since third year, even though he was best pals with Malfoy, he never had an issue with me, and neither did I. He was the brother I never had, he was always there for me when I needed him and it felt like platonic love. "So I heard there was a party tonight. What are we drinking?" He asked as I turned away, since I wasn't attending. 

"I'm not going. I'm staying in," I spoke as I played around with the decorations, observing the different types of candies in the bowls. 

" _ Evelyn Young _ isn't attending a party? Hellfire may come at this point," He joked as Bonnie laughed. I gave a slight chuckle, I couldn't tell him. My eyes looked in every other direction but Blaise's. I looked towards Malfoy instead, the imbecile roach but I'd rather look his way then Blaise right now. He already has his eyes in our direction. Even though he had a Daily Prophet paper in his hand, he was paying zero attention to it. For a slight split second there was an understanding. 

"I'd rather stay in than at this party, not feeling it much I guess," I talked. Blaise came towards me, 

"Come to the party for me, I haven't hung out with you in months Eve," It was true, I haven't seen him in ages but I wasn't sure if I was ready to be one yet considering what happened last time. 

_ Post traumatic stress disorder.  _

_ I hated it.  _

"Fine I'll go," I smiled as they both cheered. I heard a slight scoff from Malfoy as he turned back to his paper. I didn't understand his problem with me being at a fucking party. He was acting weirder by the fucking day, he acts like he doesn't care, which would be equivalent to hellfire. He's there and then all of a sudden he's cold and pretends he doesn't give a sodding fuck. It's annoying but when you grow up with a narcissistic mother and an unhealthy relationship with your non-existent father, you begin to pick up on some things. I was an empathetic person, I always have been. I think it grows even more when you've grown up in a toxic household, you do things for people that you never had, and you crave things you never received. 

I craved love. I wanted to be loved by someone who cared about me, who accepted me for me, who saw through me, who would kiss my tears away and who saw my imperfections as perfection. But sadly love doesn't exist nor does love at first sight. 

Love at first sight is a complete joke, how can you fall in love with someone you've never met, never seen before, never talked to before, and no nothing about? Love at first sight is all about the sexual tension you have between yourself and that person, that's all it is. 

You can't just see someone and fall in love. The fuck even is that? Like I said a complete joke. 

You ask why don't I believe in love? Well then I ask you, how can you possibly believe in a thing called love when you've never received it your entire life? How can you think of the idea of someone being in love when your mother only acknowledges you when she needs something and your father left you for another woman. It's pretty messed up but the universe has all the cards against me. 

It's not that I don't believe in love. I do. I just don't believe that anyone could actually love me back the way I love them. 

"Since it's set that you're going, it's time we set these things now. You're all helping," Bonnie demanded as I rolled my eyes. "Theo get your lazy ass up, I'm not letting you out of this," Theo groaned as he got up from the chair, slumping as he walked towards her. Blaise yelled towards Malfoy who groaned as well, making me look his way as he threw the paper aside, shoving his hands in his pockets, walking towards the decoration table. 

Bonnie moved away with Theo and she smacked his back, since he kept hugging her from the back instead of helping her put the decorations up. Blaise took off his coat as he hung the piece of decoration string around Theo's neck instead of the wall, messing around. Malfoy walked over to the table, as I stood at the corner of it, smiling as I looked at them being goofy. I noticed his presence as he stood right in front of me, looking over me for a second as he looked away. I took a step forward as he took one at the same time, our chests almost colliding with each other awkwardly. "You should really get an eye prescription from the doctors," I spoke walking away as he scoffed or chuckled, I didn't seem to care. 

Amelia came down a few minutes later as I introduced her to Blaise, she kept awkwardly smiling as we left them to talk. I stood on the chair as Bonnie was to my left and Malfoy to my right, doing absolutely nothing as usual. I hung up the piece of decorations on the wall, tangling them with the ancient lights and antique paintings. Considering the fact that I only had two hands, my hair kept falling on my face no matter how much I pushed it back, I regretted not tying it up when I came down. 

I looked to my left as Bonnie was busy in a conversation with Theo so I couldn't have asked her, Amelia was too involved with Blaise to even pay attention to my signals.

_ The universe worked against me as usual.  _

"Malfoy," I called out his name as he ignored my first call sitting in the chair as he wrapped the ribbon around his finger, then breaking it. "You idiot ferret, I'm talking to you," He finally looked up as he took a deep breath, preparing himself for the first. "Can you push my hair back, it keeps coming in front of my fucking eyes," I asked as he tilted his head. "I'm talking to you! Are you deaf and blind?" He seemed weirdly distraught by my comment as he stood up on his chair. 

"I won't help you if you call me an ' _ idiot ferret _ ' Young," He talked as his tone triggered me, making me want to strangle him with the ribbon in his hand. 

"Fine.  _ Malfoy _ can you push my fucking hair back?" He hummed as he looked at me. 

"I'm still not convinced yet. You'll have to be more persuading," I narrowed my eyes at him as he found humor in this particular situation. 

"Can you  _ please _ not act like an imbecile and just push my hair back before this decoration piece falls from my hand," I politely asked as my hands were about to give up. I didn't need Bonnie yelling at me for messing it up. 

"I'm good." He spoke turning his head away as I pushed his chair making him fall to the floor. 

"You bitch," He groaned against the floor as I tried to hide my laughter. I was dying to do this. He kicked his foot against the leg of my chair as it wobbled, making me trip  _ as well _ to the floor. 

"For Merlin's sake what the fuck is going on?" I felt my back hit against the floor as it pissed me off, I watched him get up as I pulled his foot, making him fall forward. 

"That's what you get, asshole," I spoke, getting up as he turned to possibly vanish me into oblivion. 

"No, no, no, no." Blaise came between us as he pushed Malfoy backwards. Theo held me back as it turned into a bickering match. 

"You're a fucking bitch did you know that Young?" 

"You know what else I know? That you're a fucking prick," I yelled as he yelled back. 

"Enough! Both of you," Bonnie called out as she stood in front of me but my eyes were burning into Malfoys. 

—

"I can't believe I'm going to this party, if I see Malfoy, I won't hesitate to hex him Bonnie," I talked as I zipped up my dress. 

"Can you guys for one night not be at each other's neck?" She spoke in a disappointed tone as she applied a layer of gloss on her plump lips. "I wouldn't be up at his neck if he would stop being such a dickhead." 

I wasn't interested in dressing up this Halloween so I simply threw on a black dress that hugged my waist. I curled a few strands of my hair as I gave it more volume, maintaining the entire look. I did a smoky black eyeliner look on my eyes as I brushed a layer of mascara across my lashes. 

"You know what, I have an idea," Bonnie spoke as she turned around to face me. "What idea would that be because if we're doing Jell-O shots let me remind you the last time we did it Blaise—"

"I'm not talking about Jell-O shots. Why don't you and Malfoy just sleep with each other? Solve the tension. You won't have to talk because of the awkwardness," She spoke as my jaw dropped to the point I couldn't pick it up. 

"Did you drink already? Are you high on something because the absolute shit that just came out of your mouth makes me want to gag." 

"I had like two shots of tequila maybe?" She talked as I shook my head, laughing. "That explains a lot. Well, I'm ready to go downstairs." 

The music was loud as ever, ringing in my ears as we headed down to the common room. There were every color of flashing lights everywhere, dancing around the room as we stood near the stairs just admiring the view. People were dancing against each other as their bodies collided in the heat of the air. Everything in front of me reminded me of the adrenaline rush that I had everytime we went to these parties, Slytherin's always did it better. 

Endless drinks coming from every corner as we walked, a couple bottles of beer on the floor as the music was really loud and thumping with all the popular stuff and some of the classics. Mostly everyone was drunk or tipsy, with a few people in clusters sitting around as they were either making out, dancing somewhere, drinking or just talking. 

The night was alive. The air was so thick with lights and smoke we could have been underwater. The air felt hot and sticky as girls were dancing on tables, basically stripping and howls and cheers came from every single direction. There were all types of games going around the room, drug deals, game of parades, or whether it was beer pong. 

Bonnie waved to few of her friends as my eyes wandered around the room, I was keeping it together pretty well. I was doing good. Everything was going good and I'm glad it was. We ended up joining the dance floor a few minutes later as we danced against each other at some point grinding with no hesitation. 

Sweat flicked up into the air with the start of every dance move, and wet hair bounced back down with its completion. I wasn't drinking. I wasn't going to. 

It was the roar of the crowd and music that thrummed straight through our bodies surrounding me and into my eardrums. I felt my old self jump right into me with no hesitation as all my girls danced with each other. I was so into the movement that I hadn't even realized I was dancing against a completely other friend group but they didn't seem to mind. 

I felt my hands move against my body as it roamed the back of my neck and moved to the front of my neck, sliding down as my body moved to the tune of the song. I was enjoying myself as second by second I was letting myself loose. I hadn't drunk anything or even smoked anything yet I felt high at the moment .

I felt hands roam the back of my body as I thought it was one of my friends, letting the person do it as I danced against them. It was at that moment where everything in my body had completely shifted, my mind flashed back to that night. 

_ "Please don't do this, I have a boyfriend."  _

_ "Please stop—"  _

_ "Get your hands away from me."  _

My eyes shot open as I looked around the room. 

_ Flashing lights were everywhere, every corner was filled with people drunk, high, passed out, and there were rooms where people were hooking up casually. People were dancing against each other as I remember having a drink in my hand, passing through people when I felt a hand around my wrist. I don't remember his face, I don't remember who he was. _

I can't do this. I need to get out. I turned around as I pushed the guy's hand away, he touched me. 

_ You're fine Evelyn just get out of here.  _

I felt the guys hand come around me again as I turned around, anger fumed through me. I slapped the guy across the face as it was loud enough for me to hear over the music. "Get the fuck off dude," I walked out the dance floor as I heard my own heart beating and my heels clicking against the floorboard. 

I looked up to see Malfoy walking toward me in a fast rush as it confused me for a quick second, the flashing lights made everything confusing as my vision felt blurred. He came towards me but almost looked behind me as I parted my lips to speak something but before I could, he had swung his arm, punching someone behind me as my senses knocked in. He punched the guy over and over again as he sat on top of him not hesitating to the fact the boy could almost die. 

"Malfoy you're going to kill him," I yelled out as I tried to pull him off. My voice had alerted Blaise from across the room as he ran to us and pulled Malfoy off of him, I could see the blood drip from his knuckles as I felt myself being pushed away by someone. I blinked and the next second I knew I was in my room with Amelia wiping my face. 

"Are you okay Eve?" She asked me as I blinked. "Give me some of the water from that desk," She called out to someone. I felt my panic attack completely take over me for those couples of minutes as I took zoning off to another level. 

"I'm fine," I talked as I blinked a couple of times. "I'm okay. I'm okay." 

"What happened? All I saw was you ripping Malfoy off of that guy..." She talked as my mind wandered back to Malfoy. He was bleeding. His hands. Amelia got up a minute later as she walked towards the bathroom. I got up, leaving my room as I headed down the stairs, it was empty, there were plastic cups all over the floor, beer bottles, random shoes, decoration pieces, it was silent. I walked across the room, heading up the boys dormitory. 

I hesitated before I twisted the door knob of Malfoys room. His room was cold and filled with cologne and mint. The walls of his room were a shade of dark grey as there were silk green sheets on his bed. There were quidditch posters on some sides of the wall and a small trolley across the room that held alcohol, more specifically firewhiskey. 

My eyes shot up at him as he left the bathroom of his room, shaking his hand that was hurting from the pain of punching the guy till he bled a few minutes ago. "Young," He called my name as I met his eyes and everything came rushing through. 

"You fucking idiot, why the fuck did you punch that guy? You almost killed him. I had it under control, Malfoy," I blurted everything out as I walked over to him looking at his knuckles that were bloody before, now having spots of red and purple and a few scratches. I looked up at him as there was a bleeding scratch against his cheek. "You could get expelled for the stunt you just pulled." 

I grabbed his forearm as I led him to his bed, making him sit on it as I opened his drawers looking for a first-aid box. "Young just go to your fucking room, I've got it." 

"Can you just shut up for a minute and tell me where the first-aid box is?" I snapped back at him as he pointed at the bottom left drawer. I pulled it open as I took the box out, taking it over to his bed as I clicked it open, looking for the things I needed. "I've got it under control—"

"Malfoy quiet down before I make you, let me help," I spoke as my eyes flickered down to the box in front of me. I pulled open the vial of Dittany as I pressed it against my finger, I layered it on top of his knuckles. He hissed slightly under his breath. "It's going to burn a little," I had brought my wand unconsciously with me as I tapped it against his hands, muttering  _ Ferula _ , as bandages spun around his knuckles, strapping it tightly. 

I looked up at his face as his eyes never left me. My eyes wandered at his cheek as there was a slight deep scratch. I applied the layer of Dittany onto it as I whispered  _ sorry _ to him as he reacted to the burning on his face from the potion. The scratch healed pretty quickly as it wasn't too deep into his skin. "You're pretty dumb for doing that," I talked as I wrapped up the open items back into the box. 

"He was coming after you when you pulled away from him. I did what was right. It was the right thing to do. I would've done it for anyone else too, Young," He spoke as I looked up at him. 

"Right thing to do? You almost killed him. You could get expelled for doing that. Are you fucking insane?" I scoffed at the end as I clicked the box shut. "Why do you care what happens to me?" 

I met his eyes and took a deep breath. "You were there for me even though you hate to admit it, this is just me trying to find a way to pay you back," I looked away. That's when a thought clicked in my head when earlier this week, he tried to somehow  _ help me _ not go to the party because he knew I would've been triggered in some way. "You knew?" I asked as his brows furrowed looking my way. "You tried to help me earlier this week. You didn't want me to come because of our rivalry, it's because you knew," He didn't speak, which was a clear answer. 

Our faces were inches apart as I stared directly at him with my eyes flickering down to his lips which ignited something weird inside of me. If it wasn't for Bonnie bursting in a few minutes later, the night would've been the unexpected of the expected.


	10. TEN

**I** sat at the Great Hall as I served myself the regular breakfast I always had, waffles. It was the only thing that didn't make me feel nauseous after, it was more like a comfort food. I knew a friend who liked waffles just as much as I did. We used to go to a nearby muggle coffee shop every morning, where we ordered the same waffle dish with smoothies and talked about life until the universe took it all away from me. 

The breakfast hall was rarely empty but Monday mornings were always exhausting so less people showed up and did breakfast in bed. I liked to get up and go to the hall so this way some part of my life felt productive enough, it was merely a way to keep myself from thinking into my thoughts. 

_ Distractions _ .

I scanned the Daily Prophet through the pages as I sipped into some warm hot chocolate, I hated tea or coffee, so hot chocolate was the way to go. I remember this funny story from way back ago, the reason I began disliking coffee. When I was little, there would be these canned boxes of powdered chocolate, it was the best thing in existence until one day we ran out at home. I wasn't aware that we did so I decided to go to the kitchen and get some to realize that the original purple box wasn't there. I looked the other way to see a clear bottle of dark powder, I thought it was chocolate. 

_ It wasn't.  _

It was coffee. I took a spoonful of coffee thinking it was powdered chocolate. I instantly threw up and washed my mouth with water a couple hundred times, the taste was dreadful. This happened seven years ago but it's still a very vivid story in my head. So yeah, I hated coffee. 

I sat eating my breakfast calmly as my eyes flickered up to look around, to find Malfoy attempting his way to eat breakfast. He had applied fresh bandages to his hands, his hands looked freshly bruised still and it made me guilty. 

_ I should've just stayed in my dorm room. _

_ No, he shouldn't have punched a guy to death out of nowhere.  _

_ Fuck.  _

I watched for a minute as he struggled to maintain a grip on the fork, eating waffles as well. 

_ Well it makes sense why he stole mine.  _

He continued to form his lips into a thin line as he felt pain holding the fork. The fresh bruises made it harder for him to bend his fingers without hurting.  _ Shit _ . I took a minute before I folded the Daily Prophet to the side as I moved over to face him. I hesitated before I did, I hated him. I hated him so much but something in me told me to fucking help him. 

_ Indecive fucking bitch.  _

He looked up at me as he noticed my presence and the hesitance in my hands to take the fork out of his hands and pick up the knife to help him. We didn't speak, it's like the silence spoke for us, that our eyes were enough to communicate an understanding. I took the fork out of his hands as he narrowed his brows, I didn't look at him, instead I picked up the knife and began cutting the waffle into bite sizes. 

"Young you don't need to fucking do that," He spoke, breaking the silent mutual understanding. I looked up at him with a straight face as I continued to cut the rest into small pieces. "Young—"

He reached forward to grab my hand but I moved away. "Are you always this annoying when someone is just trying to help?" I questioned as his jaw clenched, he tried to curl his hands into a fist but  _ failed _ .

I stabbed gently into the piece of waffle with a fork as I picked it up pointing it towards his mouth. "What—"

"For Merlin's sake, are you a five year old? Just eat," I sighed as he hesitated before he bit into it. Him eating satisfied me. I don't why but it made me feel a little less guilty for what happened the other night. I picked up another piece as he hesitated to eat it. I purposely gave him a death stare, I had to help him in some way, it's not like I can just go punch someone for him. 

"Do you want water?" I asked as he parted his lips to speak but didn't which gave me a clear answer. He was being stubborn even with two bruised hands. I picked up the glass of water as I leaned forward, making it easier for him to drink out of it. "You can drink, you don't need to worry about anyone knowing, there's barely people here. You can go back to hating me afterwards, I don't care," I talked as he leaned forward, taking a few sips. 

_ The silence was excruciating.  _

"I had this friend. Her name was Margarita," I talked as I had his attention, he acted like he hated the fact I was practically feeding him his food but if I was him I would've enjoyed the hell out of it. "She used to love waffles just like me, just like us I guess. We used to go to a muggle cafe to get some every morning, it was fun while it lasted," I slightly smiled as I looked down, allowing myself to not make any eye contact. 

" _ Was _ ?" He asked. 

"She died," I bluntly spoke without a hesitation. "Car accident with her boyfriend. They were doing tricks around an open area and it went wrong. Car flipped. They didn't make it," They say when you look into someone's eye for the first five seconds, you see their true emotions before they wipe it all away and I saw them when I looked at him. He felt  _ bad _ ? 

"I'm sorry," He spoke as I looked at him, genuine emotions. "It's fine. It was this past summer but it's alright. She used to love waffles so every time I eat them, it's like a reminder of her," I was opening up. 

_ Stop talking Evelyn.  _

_ Stop talking.  _

_ You're becoming weak, just stop talking.  _

"Anyways, I have class so  _ I—uh—have _ to go," I spoke as I broke the stare between us, it lasted longer than it should've. 

" _ Uh yeah. _ " He spoke as I felt the embarrassment run through me. I picked up my books as I headed out of the Great Hall. I hated opening up, making myself feel vulnerable and out of the people I chose Malfoy even Bonnie didn't know about this which was a clear indication of how much I kept to myself. 

I walked the corridors when I heard someone call my name. I turned around as I watched Harry walk towards me. It confused me because I thought he was searching for horcruxes. "Harry?" I questioned as he smiled heading towards me. "Evelyn, how have you been?" He asked as I smiled back, nodding my head slightly. "I've been good, just fine as usual. I thought you were Ron to find  _ you know," _ I spoke in a low tone at the end to not let anyone around us hear what we were talking about.

"We just arrived back last night. We found one but the others were impossible to find, only one took a whole three weeks," He talked as I took interest in his conversation. "So far we have only destroyed the ring, the diary, the locket and we located the diadem somewhere in Hogwarts." 

"We have exactly seven horcruxes on the list, three destroyed, the knowledge of one and the last three are unknown?" I questioned to get assurance as he nodded his head. 

"But there's one thing wrong," He spoke as it troubled my mind. "He knows we're destroying the horcruxes, I can feel it yet he isn't acting on it which means that these horcruxes are just doing minimal damage."

"Do you mean that the rest may be the  _ main _ key to get rid of him once and for all?" I questioned him. 

"Possibly, we aren't sure yet," He fiddled with his hands a little as he talked to me. "Anyways, the DA meetings are starting again since we're back for November, before we leave again," I nodded as he turned to walk the other way. We're only halfway through the first week of November and it already feels like the downfall for everything. 

—

"My head hurts," Bonnie talked as she laid on the common room couch. "I should've gone to breakfast," She groaned as I sat on the one seater couch, laughing at her. "You decided to sleep in Bonnie, can only blame yourself for that." 

" _ Blame me? _ Blame Theo! He wanted to  _ cuddle _ in bed," I hated cuddling, I found no point in it. How can you just  _ cuddle _ with someone. The only sense of affection in my words was hooking up with someone just to feel something than nothing. Sometimes pain feels like comfort. I hadn't hooked with someone since—yeah. 

"Well push Nott off the bed and come eat breakfast so I don't have to hear you complain about a headache." 

She threw a pillow in my direction as I dodged it. "I fucking hate you," She exaggerated as I laughed. 

"You know you love me Bon. I mean who wouldn't? What's there not to love?" I joked around as I heard a chuckle come from her. 

"You're really dramatic Eve but you know what that's what makes everything better. The  _ dramatics _ ." She got up from her seat as she pretended to be in a frantic movie scene. "What on earth—"

"Just watch, I'm going to act out a movie scene,"She spoke as I parted my lips in excitement not knowing what to expect. " _ Jack I want you to draw me like one of your French girls, _ " She mimicked a scene from the movie as she pretended to throw down a robe from her body. "Bonnie oh my god stop—" I laughed as I leaned against the couch. "You're supposed to draw me Evelyn, not laugh," She sarcastically spoke as she dramatically fell on the couch. 

"Oh god I haven't laughed like that in ages," We both broke out into another laughter as we slouched against our seats.

" _ Please _ , I'm hilarious." 

"I totally forget to tell you, the um—meetings are starting again." I whispered in a tone as she caught on. 

" _ Harry's back? _ " She got up. Even though mostly everyone knew about the DA meetings, Harry advised to still keep it on the low from people like  _ Malfoy _ . 

"Yeah he came back last night, I talked to him this morning," I spoke as she settled into her seat. "Hey Bon I have a question," She was calmly sitting as she quickly looked my way, intrigued by my comment. The last time I asked her this question was when I started dating George. "Have you ever had a change in heart for someone before?" 

"Since you're asking, I had it for Theo. He went from sleeping to every girl in sight to asking me to cuddle this morning which is the many reasons I stayed so yes they can. Why do you ask? Is it about George?" I nodded my head no as she arched a brow. 

"No not George. I'm glad he's happy with Angelina. They both deserve each other. It was just a homework question that's all, thought I'd ask to get a second opinion," She settled back into the sofa as the only sound was the crackling of the woods from the fireplace **_._ **


	11. ELEVEN

**ONE** day you're going to grow up and see how things really are. 

I never got the chance to even live my childhood properly.  _ Ever _ . 

Your parents are supposed to be your first love, your protectors from the deepest darkest places of life and the ones that take care of you. Parents are supposed to love you, take care of you, and understand you. Then why did I never get the chance to ever experience that? I feel like all this anger inside me, sadness, trauma was all rooted because of them. They were the reason for all the deepest, lowest parts of my life. 

Family isn't always blood. The word family is a big piece of bullshit, full of crap. It's complete utter shit. All of it. Every single inch of it and I hated it. 

Growing up, I had the picture perfect family. The family that lives in the imagination of every child that has had a broken household. It used to be my father, my mother, my older brother, and me. It was just the four of us together, living in a house. We used to be so  _ happy _ together, all the time. It was perfect, it was everything I imagine now. Sometimes I think I took that time for granted but how can a five-year-old take advantage of the childhood that had just begun? 

My father and I had the best relationship. He was my best friend, he was everything to me. We had the best bond you can ever imagine of, it was quite literally like a fairy tale. He used to wake me up every morning at five because there was a candy store that used to have the best sweets sold at six in the morning. He used to wait with me outside, so I could get them, they were the one thing I enjoyed every bit of it. 

My father also had a thing for photography. I remember till this day how happy he was when the first camera digital camera came out, I was standing in the line with him, holding his hand as he cheerfully waited to get it. He used to take pictures of us with it all the time, he enjoyed it a lot, it was his thing. Whenever we had bake day every Friday at home, he would wear a chef hat and put flour on our faces, so we all invested into it when it was mostly our mom baking it so all of us combined wouldn't result in the house burning down. 

My mother and I never had a good relationship, ever. I never understood why until I found out that neither of my parents wanted me as their child, mostly my father. It was because I was a girl, we weren't the most likable genders back in the day. So I find it weird that my dad and I built up such an amazing relationship when he had such a liking for me. 

_ Was it all a lie? Yes it was.  _

One day my father introduced me to a woman, her name was Helena Chaim, pure blood just like my mom. I thought it was one of his work friends until I found out that she was soon to be my  _ step-mother _ . That's when life went downhill because they all agreed to live together under one household, with four kids, three from my biological mother and one from my step-mother. It was very confusing on why they would all agree on such a thing. 

_ I still never found out till this day. _

The constant fights and arguments every day were exhausting. Every day, I stood between them pushing them away from each other, so they wouldn't rip each other's throat's apart. I was only seven years old. The rest of my siblings didn't care at all, they were too busy playing along with each other, and I never got along with any of them. I only had one friend that lived upstairs, he was barely a friend, he was more of my brother's friend. 

I used to visit them upstairs all the time, we used to play video games until his older brother came home from college and met us. He gave me a special greeting, he always talked to me, played with me, and let me color my books in his room until  _ one _ day it took a completely different turn. 

_ I was assaulted when I was seven years old, and I never spoke a word about it to anyone. It only happened once because I was strong enough to rather stay in between the fights of my parents then go back up there and experience what happened the other day again. I decided I'd rather have no one to talk to than ever experience that ever again. _

So see when I was assaulted again at that fifth year party, I reacted differently and more maturely. It had happened to me before, so I knew how to bury it in the back of my head and never think about it again until that day. That day all the bad memories came rushing back and the only person that I felt safe with, my only friend I made when we moved, had died. So it was more difficult and harder than usual, everything hurt, but I was so used to keeping everything in that I let it kill me, step by step. 

There was nothing that made me feel like I wanted to live, I slept to escape all my demons because being awake hurt too much sometimes. I went through a lot in silence and tried to heal myself from things nobody knows about until  _ him _ . 

I hated Malfoy. I do. I hated everything about him because he was everything I hated in my family so would I show any liking in him? Though something weird had cracked through my very frozen, dark soul. He knew exactly what to do and how to do it, just like Margarita. He knew how to handle me well, how to take care of me and out of all the people he was the one I spoke to all of this about for the first time in my life. 

I still hate him, but I guess I hate him a little  _ less _ ? To be honest hating him and arguing with him was probably one of the funniest times of my life because he repeated the same energy back, it was refreshing I guess. I don't really know how to feel about some things in my life, I was a really empathetic person, I would feel bad for hurting the person who destroyed my entire life. 

I wondered if he had scars too, and I wondered if one day he'd tell me about them. 

"Hermione?" I asked as I saw the back of the girl's head as her attention was concentrated on the book in front of her face. 

"Evelyn," She smiled as she greeted me over to the seat next to her. I smiled back as I made my way next to her, putting down my books onto the table as I settled down. "Is that general studying or just curiosity reading?" 

"Well you can put in both categories if you like. It's more related to what Harry and Ron have been searching for every month," She spoke as she shifted the book towards me to look at. Horcruxes. 

"Is this going to help find the missing ones?" I questioned her as she slightly shrugged her shoulders, tracing the lines of the book. 

"You-Know-Who is one of the powerful wizards we've known in our history besides Professor Dumbledore, so I was trying to put some pieces of my incomplete theories together," She talked.

"Harry and Ron have so far destroyed only three horcruxes and with each day that passes, he becomes stronger. We thought destroying the horcruxes we have so far would have an impact on him but from what I can tell, I think— _ I believe  _ those are just placed there as a form of distractions from the main—more important ones," She continued talking as she traced down to the bottom of the book as I realized this was picked up from the restricted section. "Hermione isn't this the  _ restricted section  _ are we allowed to—"

"Dumbledore allowed me access to it without interference, so I can study more about the origin of these. It says here, ' _ A Horcrux is the word used for an object in which a person has concealed part of their soul...Well, you split your soul, you see, and hide part of it in an object outside the body. Then, even if one's body is attacked or destroyed, one cannot die, for part of the soul remains earthbound and undamaged,"  _ She read from the book as I followed along with her. "Also keep in mind that Horcruxes could only be created after committing murder, the supreme act of evil."

"Horcruxes are precious to those who made them. Also, there are usually protective measures made to prevent them from being stolen or destroyed, such as Counter-Charms and," I spoke as she looked at me, waiting for me to connect the important dots in my head. "You think You-Know-Who wanted us to find those horcruxes on purpose, so we'd think we're winning?" She relaxed her body as she leaned back into her chair, giving me a nod. 

"When Harry and Ron destroyed the locket, way before that from what I've heard they were influenced by the locket. I think when they were emotionally connected to the locket, it created illusions for them," She spoke as I raised a brow. 

" _ Illusions _ ? What did they see?" I asked as Hermione hesitated to speak at my question. 

"You don't want to know," She looked away back at the brow as I tilted my head to look towards her. "Hermione, speak," I demanded as she sighed looking my way lazily. 

"Ron and Harry had to experience the sight of me and Harry— _ I—um—snogging," _ A light chuckle escaped my mouth unexpectedly as it was the last response I was expecting. "Stop laughing Evelyn," Hermione picked up a book almost hitting me with it as I leaned back. "I apologize but that's hilarious, was it Ron's illusion because I'm pretty sure that's something he would think of." 

"Well the locket did connect to them emotionally, and Harry would not be thinking of you and him snogging when he's head over heels for Ginny," I talked as she bit her bottom lip slightly. "Anyways, the locket connected to them emotionally, doesn't that give the horcrux more power? If you remember from second year, Ginny opened the Chamber Of Secrets because she wrote in the diary right?" 

"So you're saying since she had an emotional connection to the diary, it was able to consume power from the possessor?" She questioned my theory. "While the magical container is still intact, the bit of soul inside it can flit in and out of someone if they get too close to the object. I don't mean holding it for too long...I mean close emotionally. Ginny poured her heart out into that diary, she made herself incredibly vulnerable," 

Hermione flipped through the pages of the book suddenly as she scanned a page, shifting the book for me to see. " _ If a person is more emotionally vulnerable, it is possible for the soul inside the Horcrux to take control of him or her _ , like Ginny Weasley using her. In fact, You-Know-Who took advantage of this possessive power over Ginny to reopen the Chamber of Secrets, using the diary as a weapon rather than a safeguard." 

"So if you're emotionally dependent on a horcrux, you're basically feeding it power to become more  _ powerful _ ?" I stated my theory as a form of a question to be confirmed by Hermione. "See look here, ' _ A Horcrux can gradually feed on another person's life or negative emotions to strengthen itself and increase the ability of the soul fragment within to act independently in the physical world,'  _ which confirms our theory." 

"Theory solved then," I smiled as she shook her head, smiling. "Evelyn, why did you think that was Ron's illusion?" She asked as I turned my head towards her again from my book. "Well it's obvious you both have a  _ crush—" _

"I do not have a crush on Ronald Weasley." She blurted it out as a few heads turned our way. "Are you trying to convince me or  _ yourself _ ?" I squinted my eyes slightly at her. 

"Enough talk about Ronald, have you had an interest in someone recently?" She changed the topic towards me quickly. 

"Real smooth, Hermione," She blushed a little as she looked away. Her smooth milk white skin made it obvious when she blushed, her cheeks would turn into a light pink color. I, on the other hand, had tan brown skin, so I didn't blush, thankfully. "I don't do crushes or dating in general. The only thing I'm good at is a one-time hook up," I talked as she rolled her eyes, hitting me on the arm. 

"Evelyn Young, you shall not say such a thing out loud."

"Oh Hermione, everyone has sex, it's normal. People probably did it in the library too," I joked around with her. Well technically it wasn't a lie, it was true, quite common at midnight. 

"That is absolutely barbaric for such a thing to be done. I was serious when I asked you."

"I wasn't kidding about library hookups—"

"No silly, I'm talking about you liking a guy or  _ girls, _ " She added as I laughed. "I haven't found anyone worth liking, where you feel like the stars are dancing across your skin,  _ yeah no _ ." 

"Stars dancing across your skin?" She asked as I breathed. "Yes when you hook up and your vision goes  _ white— _ "

"Evelyn!" She protested as I laughed. "You're insane."

"I wasn't kidding Hermione have you ever tried being on top and making out—"

"Nope. I'm leaving as of now," She hurried out of her seat as I laughed, leaning back.


	12. TWELVE

" **ARE** you going to your parents house for fall break?" Amelia asked as I flipped back and forth through the pages of my homework, reorganizing them. "Yeah I actually am." Sadly. I spoke as I looked up at her. "Mother insisted that I come, so we can celebrate that American holiday called— _ uh—Thanksgiving _ ? I believe. My brother enjoys turkey, so we do it every year for  _ fun _ ." 

"That sounds very interesting." She paused. "Do you enjoy it?" She asked as I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing would come out. Margarita and I used to celebrate Thanksgiving all the time, it was  _ our _ favorite holiday, and it was the best thing we used to do in existence—until she died. I hated Thanksgiving. "Everyone in the house seems to enjoy it, so I don't mind, it's a nice holiday." 

" _ Hmmm _ —well you can always visit my parents' house with me, we usually play board games and drink hot chocolate for the week—cozy and warm." She spoke as she went through her drawers, packing everything to leave in the morning. "That sounds like an amazing offer, Amelia, but my mother would be absolutely furious if I didn't attend it. It's my brother's favorite holiday, so it's counted as  _ important _ ." I hated fall break because I hated going home and doing things I despised in every shape or form. I enjoyed it, until it was ruined by the universe. 

_ The universe gave me a huge middle finger every chance it got. It's like the universe is secretly—not secretly at all—working against me.  _

"Is Bonnie leaving with her family as well?" She asked, changing the topic. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure she is. She's very unpredictable, so she could literally change her plans to leave with Theo for his trip to Moscow." I talked as she chuckled, folding her clothes neatly as she added it to the towing pile that looked slightly slanted. "It's crazy how I still haven't met her properly yet though she hasn't made me feel unwelcome even once when I caught you during the halls." 

"Bonnie is amazing before and after you get to know her, she's like the rainbow in a room full of gloomy clouds. The person who had a bag full of priorities, coming left and right." I talked about her as my mind drifted to the fact of how she has stuck by my side for almost six years now, through ups and down, we've had our fights and arguments, but those things didn't get to us, we were bigger than that. "We should all go to Hogsmeade together, when we return from fall break." She proposed as I raised a brow. "That could actually be helpful with the completion next month."

" _ Ahh _ —how can we forget." She sighed, shaking her head. "Student of the year, seems suiting to the chosen one." Amelia playfully rolled her eyes as I mocked her. "Oh don't be dramatic, leave that to  _ Ma _ —to me." I struggled as my thoughts raced back and forth, combining into one sentence. "Who knows, you can possibly win." I spoke, as she zipped up her bag. "Evelyn, Harry got chosen with putting his own name in the Goblet of fire, you seriously don't think any of us have a dying chance." 

"Well it's not like he  _ purposely _ put it in there. George and Fred used an aging potion and couldn't get in, I vividly remember since I'm the one that helped them reverse the spell afterwards at the Gryffindor common room." I spoke, as I began to walk around the room, explaining the story, one by one. "If there were here right now, they would've been taking bets from their gambling booth like the Triwizard tournament." 

"I totally forgot to ask, I've heard you and George were a thing, what happened between you guys?" She asked as I turned around facing her. "Me and him were more like a summer  _ fling _ , so it didn't last long." I didn't completely lie, I just withheld the truth which isn't lying,  _ technically.  _

The rest of the night me and Amelia continued to talk about the random things around Hogwarts, our lives,  _ love _ lives—mine was nonexistent, and more about the cute guy that lives next to her vacation home that she randomly hooks up with. It's crazy how fast time passes when you're with a loved one, you're just living at that moment with no care of what time it is or what's happening around, it's you and them. 

I ended up packing late night in my dorm, I also packed my mother's favorite emerald green dress she likes on me. Last week when we visited Hogsmeade, I actually ended up getting sweets for them such as chocolate frogs, liquorice wands, sugar quills, and some acid pops. Even though my mother hates it when I bring too many sweets, she ends up liking all of it at the end of the day, so I'm not too worried. 

-

"Have you got everything you need, Eve?" Bonnie asked as the trunk struggled to move against the platform. "I've got everything I need, but this stupid trunk won't move properly." I groaned as I continued to struggle across the platform. Almost all the school was leaving for fall break, rarely a few stayed back. I'll admit that I had thoughts of wanting to stay at Hogwarts then go home to my mother's  _ traditions _ , I just hope everything runs smoothly. " _ Reparo _ ," she cast the spell. "There it's all fixed." I looked back at the trunk to realize my stupidity as we continued walking. 

We got inside the cabins of the Hogwarts express as we began to settle down at our seats. Amelia's parents had picked her up since they had a completely different route, so it was just me and Bonnie. For once, she wasn't impulsive and decided to stay at home with her parents then catch the trip with Theo to Moscow. 

"Are you okay about going home for this fall break?" Bonnie asked as my head looked up from my book. "There's no turning back now and besides my mother would have my head on a platter if I wasn't to attend since she wants it all  _ perfect _ ." I mocked my mother's voice and expression as a chuckle escaped Bonnie's lips. "Hopefully it won't go too bad and if anything you can always visit me or go to your friend Margaritas house, right?"  _ If I could visit the dead, I definitely would Bonnie. Sadly, I can't. _ "Yes, I will let you know if anything happens." She smiled as I buried my face in my book again, mentally preparing my head to what's to come.


	13. THIRTEEN

**IT** was exactly the welcome I had expected.

Our chauffeur, waiting for me outside the platform, waving to me. 

Sometimes I hated myself for having such unrealistic expectations from my family when I know they're never going to live up to it. 

_ It's mentally and physically draining.  _

One thing I hated about myself was for having high standards and expectations from everyone. I gave them a chance over and over again to redeem themselves but all they ended up doing was disappointing me. What made it feel even worse was that all I gave out was love and kindness, and all I got in return was lies, and broken promises. I should be used to all of it by now. 

The chauffeur took my bags, as he opened the door of the car for me, allowing me to sit inside. The entire ride home thoughts wandered my mind back and forth, and scenarios I imagined in my head to make this reality feel better or hurt less. Don't put your happiness in other people's hands. They'll drop it. They drop it every time. 

I wasn't really excited about seeing my mother in the next ten minutes. The first thing she would do is find reasons to lecture me instead of being normal and asking about my day, my health or how I've been doing. She doesn't really care about all of that stuff much, and I can't seem to put my finger on why? Why does she have so much hatred for me? What did I ever do that created such deep, embedded hate for me? See that's the thing, if someone was to ask me why I hated someone so much? I wouldn't know the answer. I don't really hate many people in my life. Hate is a strong word.

Well, just one person. But I don't really know if I hate him or not. I don't even remember why I hated him so much. Childhood Rivalry? No. It was because I saw my family in him. Cold, heartless, not caring, and the chants about pure blood supremacy. That's why I hated him. Hated. Past tense. 

If I were to put him in a category of people, he would go in complicated. He was complicated, bipolar, and very confusing. There would be moments where he was the only one that was there for me, held my hand and made sure I was okay, even though he hates to admit it. He could've not cared, but he did. Actions speak louder than words, and his actions did. 

I guess my mother saw my father in me. Is that why she hates me? Because she sees him in me? There's a possibility to that answer that I could be a walking reminder of him around the house. But why me? Why not my older brother or either of my two younger sisters, why me?  _ Gosh _ , why is it always me. It's like the universe ripped out all the good parts of my life from my life journal and threw it out. Now I'm stuck with all the bad, annoying parts. My life felt like a big coin toss. 

I would've done everything to be Amelia right now, board games and hot chocolate with her parents at her vacation home. A bonus point for her was a cute boy next door where she could just give a small signal, and they could hook up. Thinking about hooking up, I haven't ever since that event but that wasn't the point. I wasn't going to let that part of my life get to me anymore, I wasn't going to let that part allow me to be a victim from allowing me to not do better in life. I was doing good and that's all that matters, I haven't thought about that night in weeks. 

I had come to the realization that this year I haven't really put myself out there much, not since George, who moved on at a faster pace than me. Amelia had a cute boy next door, Bonnie and Theo's voices quite literally echoed a lot through the dorms, Blaise was a private guy and Malfoy--well he's Malfoy. Then there was me, dying to let anyone fuck the pain out. 

We finally arrived home as the lights were lit up all around the edges. My house had large arched windows. Through them light flows through all seasons, gracing the air without favor, illuminating the sweet-toffee browns of the wooden floor. It was a kaleidoscope of memories, of photographs adorning the walls, each of them conjuring the emotions of those sweet eternal moments, and now I hated all of them now. 

The open door was welcoming as the chauffeur led my bags into the wide hallway. Upon the walls were the photographs of my siblings, obviously so loved. The floor was an old-fashioned parquet with a blend of deep homely browns and the walls were the greens of summer gardens meeting a bold white baseboard. The banister was a twirl of a branch, tamed by the carpenter's hand, it's grain flowing as water might, in waves of comforting gold woodland hues. 

The house was quiet as the steps of my foot against the carpeted floors felt loud. The lights were on in every room. The house consisted of ten different rooms with a bathroom accompanied by it. I've practically lived in every room by now, it was an accomplishment to me. 

"Mother?" I called out to her as no reply came forth. I turned towards the living room, wondering if she was asleep on the couch. She wasn't there. "Hey Adam, where's mother and everyone else?" I asked our servant who was cleaning up the kitchen. 

"Evening Ms. Evelyn, Madam Felina left with Ms. Alice and Ms. Vaquer to have dinner at the grand restaurant," He smiled at the beginning as I returned a faint smile back. 

"Was she not aware that I was coming home?" I asked as he nodded  _ yes _ . "Madam was aware, she asked me to make your favorite dish," He spoke as he uncovered the platter of chicken Alfredo noodles along with a rectangular plate filled with chocolate covered strawberries. "She'll be returning late at night, would you like me to set up your room?" 

"No, thank you, Adam," I smiled as he slightly bowed and turned to the other room. I gently threw my coat on the couch as I sat at the table, swirling the plate of noodles around with a fork. I pushed my hair back as I began eating, the creaminess of the dish filled my mouth as for the first time I enjoyed a meal in a long time. Adam was one of the best cooks I've known, and he practically raised me, so he was aware of everything I enjoyed. 

I took the chocolate covered strawberries to my room and I swung the door open. The room was dimly lit with the vintage wall sconces that hung on the mute colored walls like earrings. Thick velvet curtains hid the long windows across the walls, just leaving a shy peak of the woods beyond. The paintings and faded tapestry panels on the walls greeted me as I entered. I walked over to the fireplace that was accompanied by a velvet rose couch that I did not hesitate to sit on top of, and I sunk into it. 

It was home but for some reason it didn't feel like it, it felt empty and missing.


	14. FOURTEEN

**I** was asleep into a very deep sleep when I felt someone around me, frightening me as I jolted out of bed. I wake as if it's an emergency, as if sleeping had become a dangerous thing. My heart beats fast and there is a buzzing in my brain and together they are in panic with jump-leads. I looked up as one of our servants hovered near me, the house elf, Crissy. "You scared me, Crissy," I sighed as I pushed my back against the bed frame. 

"Crissy never meant to scare Miss, Crissy was excited to see Miss, Crissy sent to wake Miss," She talked as my head hurt from the immediate wake-up call. 

I felt tiny arms wrap around me as it startled me, slight. "I missed you too Crissy. Where's everyone else?" I asked as she pulled away from the hug and hopped off the bed. 

"Madam sent Crissy to get you dressed for the Thanksgiving lunch," She walked over to the door as an emerald green dress hung behind it. The waist was covered in tiny diamonds as they reflected across my room from the sun.

"I'll meet her downstairs," I spoke as she nodded, cutely bobbling as she walked out of my room. I got out of bed as I admired the dress, running my hands through it as I admired it. I quickly stepped into the shower as the warm water poured onto my body, dripping down my sides, relaxing all my nerves. The sensation of the steamy water calms me, allowing me to forget about everything all at once. All the things I honestly don't care about as my fades into dullness and everything is a foggy illusion.

I feel like I'm standing under an everlasting waterfall, ever so beautiful, but it can never last, just like the peace within me. 

I stepped out of the shower, toes flinching as they touched the chilled ceramic floor. I quickly wrapped a bath robe around me as I stepped into my carpeted room. I positioned myself in front of the bureau mirror as I traced the edges of my faces, just taking a minute in to observe my complexion. I applied a colored gel across my eyebrows as it kept them in place, then a couple of layers across my mascara across my lashes. I took an angled brush and dipped it in a black-brown shadow as I drew an angled liner, defending my eyes. I hated lipsticks—okay not hate but disliked—so I applied a layer of gloss. 

It had only been a minute of me getting ready, and I already wanted to leave this place, but I kept it together, I wanted this day to be perfect for my mother. I had too. I zipped up the dress from the back as I looked in the mirror, brushing out my freshly curled hair as I looked once last time in the long, standing mirror. 

The stairs ahead were twisted in a perfect spiral, like a child's slinky toy pulled from each end. Each stair was likely a deep walnut, and the inner edge was painted antique cream. I let my hand fall on to the gold iron rail, smooth in it's polished charm as I placed my weight on the first step. I went down the stairs step by step as I noticed the guest arriving slowly. 

_ I hated guests. Annoying piece of shits.  _

"Evelyn!" My mother greeted me politely as she gave me a fake smile, leading me towards the family room connected to the kitchen. "I expected to see you down before the guests," She paused as she had a rough grip on my arm. "Don't try to embarrass me Evelyn, don't be like your father please." 

I narrowed my eyes at her as I pushed her hand off of me, taking a step back. "I would've known guests were coming today if you'd told me but wait you decided to go out last night when you  _ knew  _ I was arriving," I argued back as she let out a slight gasp. "I'm not my  _ father _ , so I'd appreciate it if you would stop bringing up his irrelevant presence," I rubbed my arm as I felt her handprints on the surface of my skin. 

"That is no way to speak to your mother, Evelyn. Where on earth are your manners young lady?" She protested as I chuckled, pushing my tongue against my cheeks. 

"Manners? I'm acting perfectly fine. It's been less than a minute since you've seen me in months and the first thing you do is find a way to degrade me," I walked past her towards the kitchen as Adam and the other servants did their work. I mostly spent my time in the kitchens during events, it was much better. Adam had made me a small chocolate fudge dish on the side to lighten up my mood as I spoke to him about my time and Hogwarts.

I even told him about Malfoy, and how our rivalry continues till this day. He always laughs with me at the jokes and my interactions with him. My mother was friends with the Malfoy family but not too close since they lived in a completely different direction. She had a liking for Malfoy, pure blood, Slytherin, intelligent, and the fact he was good-looking, I guess, I never really paid attention to him in that way much. 

I've thought about Malfoy more in the past few hours than in years which makes me think for a second as I put a stop to his topic and move onto the next. "Madam wishes you to join her out with the guests and Mr. Zander in the living room," Cameron, our other house servant, walks in as I nod. I walked behind him as the bright lights came into view from every corner and the big hanging chandelier.  _ I'm jealous of the chandelier.  _

The white walls were covered in decorations with fine grey canvases, paintings of every sort as some of them talked to each other, drinks in their hands, the room was covered in an emerald green and black furniture along with the carpet. People stood in small groups on every corner and the middle as my mom was engaged in a conversation with a couple. I don't drink, but I grabbed a glass of pink champagne to look busy as I wandered around the room. 

"Evelyn dear?" An elderly woman's voice called out my name as I turned around. She was an inch shorter than me as she wore navy blue robes, with a small cane in her hand. Next to her stood a woman who wore a brown dress with a cloak, matching with the set of her gold jewelry. 

"Hello," I awkwardly spoke back as they smiled. 

"You've grown so much since the last time we saw you," The other woman talked as I had no clue who they were. "Do you remember when we used to come to your house and play with you?" I don't know if I'm going crazy, but I've never seen these women in my life though I had to play along for my dear mother. 

"Yes of course I remember you, how can I forget," I politely smiled as I continued to lie.

"How has school been dear? I expect you to be at the top of your class," She laughed as I snickered internally. "Wouldn't want anything less," I talked back as she gave a nod. "Have you heard about the girl from Beauxbatons? I feel ashamed for her." She spoke as my fingertips clinked against the glass in curiosity. "I heard she was assaulted." The other woman's voice joined in as I raised a brow. 

" _ No, I heard she was raped, _ " Another woman's voice jumped into the conversation. 

"She did such a shameful act. I'd be ashamed to call her my daughter if I were her mother," The old lady's voice sent chills through my body as I tried to hold back. 

"She was probably asking for it with her short skirt. I knew something like that would happen, she always dressed so  _ slutty, _ " The brown clothed woman's voice spoke louder as I tried to bite down on my tongue, trying to refrain myself from speaking. 

"Such a  _ slut _ ," The woman spoke again.

"She isn't a slut," My voice made their heads turn. "She wasn't asking for it. No girl ever is," They exchanged confused looks between each other as I breathed. "No girl  _ asks _ to get raped or assaulted or anything. You should be ashamed of yourself for speaking that way about her. It's more embarrassing for you when you're a woman yourself. Such a shame," I blurted out with no hesitation as their jaws dropped. I didn't care about my mother's stupid Thanksgiving night anymore. 

My voice must have grown louder as I saw my mother walking towards me. "I apologize for her behavior, she's been  _ stressed _ , excuse us," She spoke to the ladies, and she turned me towards the other direction. "What—"

"What did I tell you earlier Evelyn?" She questioned me as my blood was still boiling from the old woman's comments. "I told you to stay in your lane. You say you aren't your father yet are irresponsible and heartless just like him," She bluntly spoke as my heart teared just a little. 

I hated being compared to my father. I hated him. I hated all of them. "She was being a bitch and I called her out for it."

"Language," She spoke in a harsh tone.

"I'd do it again if I had the chance mother so go ahead and throw me out of this dinner party," I gulped as she took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a minute before she spoke again. 

"We're going to go back there again, and you're going to act like a  _ proper woman _ . Have I made myself clear, Evelyn?" She asked me as I wanted to stand my ground, but I didn't. I hated the fact that no matter how much my mother hated me, degraded me, made me feel like absolute shit, I loved her despite it. 

"Yes," I spoke in a low tone as she nodded, making me walk by her side till dinner started. Thanksgiving party was different from most thought of as thanksgiving, most people thought of it as giving thanks for what you had, but it was complete utter bullshit in my view. All people did was lie, my mother was a walking proof. " _ I am thankful for this life, all of you, and each and one of my beautiful children. _ " Her high-pitched voice replayed in my head as I broke it down on how all those words were a lie, and she gave zero shits about me.

Mushroom and chicken soup, bitter greens with tomatoes the size of peas, rare roast beef slices as thin as paper, noodles in a green sauce, cheese that melts on your tongue served with sweet blue grapes. Mashed potatoes in two different bowls along with salads on every corner of the table. Everyone added the side dishes to their plates as Cameron brought out the turkey with Adam and carved it, slicing pieces for everyone. 

I poked into the peas on my plate as Adam gave me a thumbs up, assuring me that it'd be okay. I gave him a nod as I cut into the turkey and took a bite. Everyone around the table was enjoying and laughing along with each other as I wished something exciting would happen, like the house catching on fire. I heard the chairs moving around as I watched the young brown clothed lady move to grab something from the couch. I whispered, " _ Locomotor Mortis _ ," as I watched her trip and fall onto the floor.

She squealed as heads turned, rushing towards her. I let out a laugh as I looked down at my plate.

_ She deserved it.  _

"You better have a good explanation," I looked up as I saw my mother's eyes burning into me, ready to cast a curse on me. She ordered me to get out of my seat as she basically ambushed me into a room, closing the door behind her. "Evelyn what doesn't sit right in your fucking head?" She cursed, which took me by surprise. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," I lied as she narrowed her brows, looking down in disappointment.  _ Oh well _ . "You know exactly what I'm talking about Evelyn. That is no way to behave with your guest. This was your third strike."  _ Okay? Sue me.  _

"Fine, I made her fall. So what? She had it coming with the way she was talking about that innocent girl," I spoke, not wanting to hold back. 

"That woman said nothing wrong. I have no idea why you're being so defensive as if it was you," I can't tell her. I'd be like walking on fire. The only person I told was Malfoy, and I'd like to keep it that way. "It could've easily been me, mother. It could've any of your daughters, it could've been any of us, so talk about that girl as if she was your own." 

"You've crossed a line. You're selfish and absolutely cruel for ruining your brother's night,"  _ Selfish and cruel? Yes, mother degraded me even more. _ "I wish you would've never come here. You always ruin everything for everyone,"  _ That hurt. It really did.  _ "Go to your room. I don't want to see your face until tomorrow morning," She left the room shortly as my eyes glossed up from all the tears. I went up the spiral stairs as tears smudged my mascara. 

_ I was going to leave.  _

I got out of my dress as quick as possible as I threw it onto the bed. I pulled out my trunk, throwing all the things I packed back in, as I closed it back up. I changed into an off-white cotton dress as I slipped on some sneakers, pulling my hair into a low ponytail. 

_ I didn't want to spend a minute longer in this house. I wanted to leave right away, so I packed everything, changed and headed out the backdoor of the house, away from anyone. _

" _ Evelyn, _ " I heard a voice whisper my name as it gave me a scare thinking my mother called my name. I turned around to see Adam standing as he had a box in his hand. "Before you go, take this," He handed me the box and it smelled delicious. "I made some food for you to take with you," I smiled at his words, almost wanting to cry. 

"Thank you so much, Adam," I cried out as he patted my head. 

"Be safe, okay?"

"I will," I smiled as I headed out the door, balancing everything in my hand as the chauffeur opened the door immediately for me, taking the things from my hand, allowing me to sit inside. Everything was happening so quick as the adrenaline ran through my body, I felt my emotions heightened in a mix of everything. 

After a couple of minutes of browsing through my thoughts, we finally arrived at the station. I opened the door myself as I felt the cold breeze hit against my skin, the dark night as the stars shined bright. I was finally out of that hellhole. The chauffeur took out my belongings as he walked me inside the station, making sure I got on safe and sound. 

After a short wait, the bright red train came forward as my trunk was loaded, I waved goodbye to the chauffeur, thanking him. The cabin's were pretty much empty, most people were with their families, enjoying and having fun as I was returning to Hogwarts on the first day of break.  _ Tragic.  _

My eyes were fixed on the dark shadows of the rolling hills and mountains outside the window. I pulled my legs up as I leaned against the window, just relaxing. It felt peaceful. Just the way I have wanted it all day. I opened the box of food Adam had packed for me, smiling as I thanked him in my head. I chose a chicken sandwich as I ate half of it, putting the rest away. I was thankful for Adam. 

The entire ride was quiet. There were no running first years in the hallways or students banging on everyone's cabins or laughters around the train, it was quiet. It was peace. Shortly after the train stopped as I felt my body push back into the seat. There were only two other people who were on the train, which made everything seem like the beginning of a scary movie. 

Entering Hogwarts was a scary ride back as the Thestrals pulled the carriage through the dark, gloomy path towards the main gate, revealing the gargoyle pillars. 

I made my way quickly as I entered the common room, feeling the burning fire and the coldness of the room, it was familiar and felt more like home than my childhood home ever did. I ran my hand through my hair, looking up as I saw a dark figure with platinum hair sitting on the couch, startling me to death. 

" _ Malfoy? _ "


	15. FIFTEEN

**I** stood straight at the entrance of the Slytherin common room—a few steps forward—as I stared at a figure of a person sitting on the couch, facing the fireplace. His platinum blonde hair and lack of response made it obvious of who he was. Malfoy. He stayed back? 

I cautiously took a few steps towards the couch as he sat in a black jumper and sweats, with his back completely against the couch as he had a glass of which was probably alcohol in his hand as he twirled it around. My hands went for the edge of the coach as he slowly moved to face me, tilting his head as he stared at me intensely, eyeing me completely as I questioned his intentions. "It's ironic that even on break we find a way to be near each other.  _ Hilarious, _ " He spoke as I rolled my eyes. 

"You're drunk." 

"I don't know, am I?" He joked as he made a funny face looking my way, I took a deep breath. The day just kept getting longer by the minute. 

"Clearly," I spoke as I sat on the arm of the couch. I eyed the bottle as it was more than halfway empty. He was drunk, and I was the only person here.  _ The universe really doesn't like me. Haters. _

"Do you want a drink?" He asked, picking up the almost empty bottle and pointing it towards me.

"I don't drink, Malfoy," He gave a pouty face as I almost snorted looking away, not giving him the satisfaction of his comedic behavior. 

"You're boring, Young." 

"Such a nice compliment Malfoy, keep it up," I slid down onto the couch as I conjured a duvet, putting it around me as it brought warmth to my body. 

I should've gone to my dorm room instead and relaxed into my bed but instead I chose to sit here, and he sat on the opposite side of the couch, drunk. Though, I didn't want to be alone but out of all the people I'd rather be with right now, he would be on the bottom of the list. He turned his body towards me as I felt him shift on the couch, still facing the fireplace. "Why did you come back to Hogwarts?" He asked. 

"I could ask you the same thing," I replied as he took a second before replying again, inching forward. 

"I never left, but you did. So why did you come back?" I've seen Malfoy drunk before, but I've never seen him be this talkative and forward like this. Our conversations didn't last more than five minutes without it turning into a screaming match with Blaise or Theo pulling us apart at the end. " _ Family issues _ . What about you?" 

"Something like that," He spoke as he rolled his wrists, stretching his arms out. I didn't know why whenever I was around him, I was always  _ open _ . It scared me how comfortable I was with him while talking about my personal life. It was terrifying in a way. I threw my head back onto the ouch, comfortably resting as I felt myself almost falling asleep. The warmth of the fireplace as I was wrapped in a thick duvet with a person I hated just a little less at the moment on the other side of the couch, drunk. 

I'd rather be here than at home. 

"Are you really going to fall asleep right now?" He questioned as I almost let out a groan, feeling my head feel heavy as I picked it up to look towards him. 

"No, I'm going to play tug of war with Dumbledore," I paused giving him a minute as his drunk self needed time to process. "Of course I'm going to sleep, I'm tired. What'd you expect? Me to play Ring around the Roses with you?" He laughed as he looked down, with a faint of glitter in his eyes as he laughed a little too hard at my jokes making me shake my head in disappointment.  _ I'm stuck with the devil's son for a week.  _

"Are you offering?" He asked as I looked at him in disbelief. "No, the requests are closed," I threw my head back again as I sunk into the couch, relaxing my shoulders, closing my eyes. "C'mon Young, have one drink with me," He insisted as I opened my eyes, staring his way as he moved the bottle forward. 

I debated for a minute as I looked at him. _ I don't drink, and I'm a lightweight, so why am I even contemplating what he asked me currently?  _ "Only one," I pointed a finger towards him as I moved closer to him. He poured the remaining amount of alcohol in the bottle into the glass, handing it to me after. 

It took me a minute before I took a sip, the burn of the alcohol ran through my body as my eyes pinched a little. We drank in silence as he looked at me for some sort of answer. "Fine, it isn't that bad," He smirked,  _ his signature smirk _ . 

"I'd say I told you so, but I'm being nice."

" _ Nice _ ? I may like 'drunk' you better," I looked down at my drink as he shifted towards me. "So you're saying that you may  _ like _ the other version of me as well?" He talked as his presence felt closer. I hadn't realized the use of my words until he talked.  _ Better _ , I said to him. No, I'm just overthinking this. "You know what I meant. Don't twist my words, it's like the old Malfoy still stays within you." 

"I'm only just repeating what you said," It's like the cockiness within him stays no matter what, he always wants to be  _ right _ . I might have also unintentionally smiled at his comment unknowingly not knowing what may it cause. 

"Is there not anyone else you could torture?" I asked him as he rolled his eyes, facing the fireplace as the light from the fire reflected upon his eyes, making it glow. I always loved eyes, the way it could say a million words, the way it could speak a whole conversation between two people, the way eyes were always  _ naked _ . "Probably, but I choose you." 

"You only annoy me because I always call you out,  _ and _ I won at the duel that was supposed to be between you and Harry," I pointed it out as his face shifted back to me. 

"I annoy you because I enjoy seeing you flustered." 

"No, you probably annoy me because your father probably called you out on it as well as the fact that I won the duel. I remember Dumbledore calling our parents—"

"Don't talk about my father," His tone was harsh and cold as he looked my way. I tilted my face looking at him slightly as I narrowed my eyes at him, confused. "Malfoy we're just having a conversation don't need to—" He angrily placed his glass on the table in front of us as he looked at me, his face closer to mine, his emotion filled eyes staring right at me. "Just don't fucking mention my father, don't be such a bitch," He spoke as I scoffed, getting a hold of his attention even more. 

"You know what, here I thought for once we could have a normal fucking conversation, even if we aren't sober, just a conversation where we don't argue. I don't know about you Malfoy, but you aren't the only one with issues, so I'd appreciate it if you for once try and not be an asshole and act like a normal fucking human being—"

I had a long fucking day and there was something in me that had clicked, and it was like emotions were oozing left and right from me and out of all the people, it happened in front of Malfoy. I was so busy in my outburst that I hadn't even realized his eyes were entirely on me and his arrogant, Malfoy self chose the worst option to shut me up.

He had moved forward with full force, connecting his lips with mine. For a moment, everything around me had frozen, and it was just the two of us in a dark room within this moment. The thing that took me by surprise was the fact that I kissed him back, catching him by surprise as well. 

My reaction was immediately placing my hand at the back of his neck as he cupped my face in a delicate way. I inched forward as the kiss deepened, but before it could go any further, the realization of what was happening hit me and I pulled away. I looked up at him as his chest rose heavily, up and down. _ I shouldn't have done that, I was so stupid, why did I do that? Why did he do that? _

"Why the fuck would you kiss me? You can't just kiss me like that," My hands turned into a fist as I tried to express my rage.  _ No, it wasn't rage, it was completely something else. Something new _ . I got up from the couch immediately as he parted his lips to say something. " _ Fuck _ —Young I didn't mean to—"

"No, just don't," I spoke as I turned around, going up to the girl's dormitory. I quickly went up the stairs as every single thought ran through my head. I wanted this day to end already and as each moment passed, it just seemed to get more complicated. I closed the door of my dorm as I pressed my back against it. 

I didn't know how to process what had happened a couple of minutes ago as the memory was fresh, replaying in my head. I traced my lips, still feeling his lips on mine, allowing myself to still feel his essence on me. He smelt sweet but balmy, floral with an edge, like orchids mixed with musk. This was the closest I had been to him in the six years I had known him, it was weird but—I don't know. 

He was a dumb witted fuck. Yes. That's what he was. An idiot. A total fucking idiot. That stupid fucking idiot had kissed me. I hated him—no I despised him—I despised his soft touch against my cheeks, I hated the way his lips felt against mine and I hated how addicting he felt. No—no—no—what the fuck had happened. Why the fuck would he do that, that fucking asshole. 

I pushed myself off the floor as I practically threw myself onto my bed, burying my face into the pillow, trying to erase every memory of today, including him. I was comfortably in bed when I suddenly felt a tingle around my ankles, something against it as I jolted up. It was  _ Kami _ . 

Kami was the cat I've had for the last six years at Hogwarts, my spirit animal, my friend. I tried to introduce Kami to Crookshanks, but they never got along. 

I patted her head as she walked around in a circle, finding a comfortable position for herself as she sat next to me. I sighed as I went back to bed, kicking my shoes off. I wanted to pretend that this particular day didn't happen, erasing all of it from my head. Falling asleep was one of the best parts of the day, it was a safe place, my haven. I'd snuggle into the duvet as happy as a cat in the sunlight, ready for the world of dreams to come to me. 

It was the middle of the night when I felt uneasy. My throat is dry and sore, every organ in my body begs for water. There is a pain at the back of my head that threatens to grow into a powerful migraine, a sure sign that dehydration isn't far away, I barely drank water anyways.  _ Also, one of the dumbest things I did.  _

I swung my legs off the bed as I realized, I hadn't changed from the dress I wore as I practically snuck out or ran away from my own house. I rubbed my eyes as a dark layer made my vision blurry for a split second. I turned back to see Kami sleeping peacefully as I stumbled getting up from bed to go downstairs. I twisted the door knob of my room as I slowly went down the stairs, pushing my hair back. 

I wasn't paying attention to the fact whether Malfoy was in the common room or not, I was simply going downstairs to get a glass of water. I reached to the table that had platters of fruit and jugs of water as I poured some for myself into a tall glass of water. I practically drained the entire glass within seconds as I poured myself another one. 

It was at that moment when I suddenly heard small  _ whimpers _ that caught my attention. At first, I thought I was hearing things considering I had just woken up, and it was the middle of the night. I looked up as I realized Malfoy slept on the couch. I arched a brow as I heard the whimpers grow louder, as he was murmuring something that wasn't clear to me. I placed the glass of water as I walked towards him.

He had his head laying on the arm of the couch as his face twitched from what he was probably dreaming in his head. He was terribly sweating even though he was freezing down here, his face had droplets of water as it concerned me. There wasn't anyone here besides me as I quickly went around the couch and sat beside him. His hands were cold as I realized he was having a  _ nightmare _ . 

"No—I won't let them do anything to you," He muttered as I looked at him curiously. "Just stay away from her," He talked again as I looked around the room trying to figure out if I should just get up or do something. "I won't let them—NO—Get away from her," His tone rose by the matter of seconds as it almost scared me but nothing I haven't seen before in my life.

"Malfoy!" I called for his name as I shook him, trying to wake him up. "Malfoy!" I called for him out again as his body was shaking terribly.  _ Fuck _ . I took a deep breath as I moved closer trying to get a hold of him. "Mal—"

He suddenly jolted up as it almost made me fall off the couch from the sudden reaction. He looked towards me as I had my hand on my chest from the sudden scare as he wrapped his arms around me. I didn't know how to react, I wasn't sure if he was even awake now. I remember Neville telling me how Luna would sometimes sleepwalk at night. "I won't let them hurt you Mother—I won't," His arms were so tightly wrapped around me that I barely had time to process what came next, but I did what I'd want anyone else to do for me. 

"Hey I'm right here, I'm okay," I talked as his shaking calmed down but was still there, I could feel his cold arms wrapped around me. "Look at me," I spoke as I pushed him back to face me. His face drenched in sweat as his pupils were dilated, the pure fear on his face. "You're fine, everything is fine okay?" His eyes stared into mine, not moving at all. I didn't know what or how affection was, I never received it for the most part of my life, I always moved away from it, reasons I hated cuddling. Every time my mother tried to even touch me I would move away, the word affection wasn't in my dictionary, but I knew how to give it to others. 

I cupped his face as I hesitated to do so but I tried. "I won't let them hurt you," He talked as I licked my lips assuming he was still half asleep. 

"Draco look at me, you're fine. I'm fine," I went to the first name basis. I've never called him by his first name, but it was the only thing that I could think of that would distract him. 

He nodded as he fell into my chest. I gulped as I sat there not knowing what to do or say, I was confused and just—confused. I turned around as I grabbed the duvet that I had left here earlier, wrapping it around him, so it could keep him warm. His arm was still around me as it didn't bulge when I tried to remove it, so I let it stay here. I pressed my back against the couch as he slept on my chest. 

My hand rested on his back as I toyed slightly with his hair and then removed it immediately as I cringed at what I just did, making a disgusted face in silence. If Amelia or Bonnie were here, they would've enjoyed the sight of me like this. I mean she did want us to sleep together, I remember her pouring Veritaserum in a bottle of alcohol to play truth or dare among all of us but that never happened, the bottle is still somewhere in my room. 

I rested my head back as I closed my eyes, waiting for the next day to come already and just praying about the fact it would be normal. 

_ Well I hoped I knew before that it would be nowhere near normal. _


	16. SIXTEEN

**I** grunted internally as I felt the discomfort in my body as I slept on the couch. My back hurt from the very uncomfortable position I was laying in all night.  _ I slept on the couch. I did not sleep on the damn couch. I slept on the fucking couch. _ I moved as I stretched my back, slowly opening my eyes as the bright light from the sun reflected upon my eyes, making me look away. My head was laid upon the arm of the couch as I felt a huge weight on my body making me question my night once again. 

Oh. 

I looked down at the rest of my body as Malfoy rested upon it with his head on my chest completely oblivious. His arm was _ attached _ to my waist as I parted my lips to say or do something but had no thoughts in my head at all. I gulped as I threw my head back on the arm of the couch again as I gave myself a minute to think. I was quite literally trapped underneath him with no idea how it got to this. 

That's when reality suddenly hit me and I practically huffed as I positioned my elbow against the cushioned couch and the other trying to push Malfoy off of me. I felt his breathing against my chest as I studied his face for a minute, how long delicate his lashes were, his porcelain clear skin as there was gentleness waiting for someone to awaken it; like gazing at the ocean waves for a ship to come. I realized looking at him as my hand was scrunched up in his soft platinum blonde hair as we slept against each other,  _ comfortably _ , like a safe space. 

My memories of last night returned in pieces as I remember him sweating, trembling from fear as he jolted up from my touch, immediately hugging me as if he was protecting me from something. I hadn't put much thought into it until right now. I remember him yearning for his mother as he spoke in immense  _ pain _ . I wanted to know his secrets just like he knew mine, I wondered if one day we'd share them. 

At that moment he woke up, scrunching his eyes from the sunlight as his eyes darted to me. His face wasn't too far away from mine as it made me remember how he kissed me last night to shut me up, how his lips felt so soft against mine with his minty filled breath.  _ No. Why am I thinking about him like this? Clear your head. Get something to eat, restart your mind. _ It's like we were in the same spot we were last night as his eyes burned into mine and his eyes flickering down to my lips for just a  _ split _ , just a  _ split _ second that made me shift internally as I felt his face grow closer. 

My immediate reaction was pushing him off the couch. _ I pushed him off the damn couch. I did that _ . " _ Agh _ —Young what the fuck," He groaned against the floor as I got off the couch, looking his way. 

"Don't expect to apologize Dra—Malfoy," I spoke, walking over his body as I contemplated my life choices going up the girls' dormitory. 

I had just been in my dorm for a couple of minutes when an owl chirped, sitting on the ledge of my window as it waited with a letter. I immediately took the letter, thanking the owl as it flew away. The note was from McGonagall, asking me of a favor. 

_ Today a student will be returning after his long summer break, I hope you're able to help me out and give him all the work that you have from his schedule. He'll be arriving at my office in fifteen minutes, and be there on time.  _

_ Professor McGonagall _

I immediately turned around to grab my school uniform from my dresser. I combed through my hair quickly as I brushed my teeth,  _ multitasking _ . I quickly threw on my robes as I gave myself one last look in the mirror. I headed down to the common room as Malfoy sat there, his platinum blonde hair was messy and uncombed, still in his clothes from last night as he rubbed his eyes. 

My eyes observed him for a couple of seconds as I straightened my tie, still looking his way. The messy bed hair, the zipper halfway down as it revealed his chest.  _ I had no clue what type of effect was on me, but I just couldn't look away, it's like a love potion had taken over me _ . I looked away as I almost knocked over a lamp, cursing underneath my breath as I put it back in its place. "Why are you in school robes?" His voice was high and demanding as he asked me. 

"I'm going to pay Satan's den a visit, want to come along?" I smiled his way as he raised a brow.  _ I smiled. Why the fuck did I smile? Someone please use an unforgivable curse on me right now _ . "I'll take that as a no," I spoke exiting the common room. 

I didn't know who the student was, he was probably in Slytherin considering McGonagall had asked me to take care of it. I don't even know how she knew I was here, weird. 

I arrived at her office as I knocked on the door, waiting for an answer. "You may come in Ms. Young," She answered as I pushed the door open, slowly. Her office was decorated with a lot of tartan plaid. She had some Quidditch cups on her shelves along with a tray of biscuits on the side tables. At the entrance is a welcoming fireplace with a mantle piece that can be connected to the Floo network. 

She sat at her table as the mystery guy sat on the opposite side of the table with his back facing mine. "Good morning Professor McGonagall, what can I do for you?" I politely asked as I so badly wanted to go back into bed and fall asleep like last night—well last night I didn't really sleep in bed but tangled up in the arms of my sworn enemy,  _ I think.  _

"Good morning dear, I'm glad to see you here. I don't want to take too much of your time since you're still in your fall break, but I'd be a great help if you can help out our previous student," She talked as I nodded, my eyes wandered over to the boy who was signing a couple of papers with his quill. He looked weirdly familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on who he was exactly. 

"Due to his parents' extremely long business trip he was held back so be sure to give him all the work you possibly can to help him catch up," She spoke as I nodded once again, taking a slight step forward. All I could see was the back of the boy's head, black curly hair with tan skin as he sat in his Hogwarts uniform, signing the last paper.  _ I know him. Who is he? He feels familiar.  _

The boy shortly got up as I tried to put on a fake but polite smile to greet him back. As he turned around, my smile immediately dropped. It's like my soul had left my body and had done a complete three sixty but still didn't feel in place. The sound of McGonagall's voice was tuned out as I heard bits of her sentences, "Elliot Jackson......help him.....Hogwarts.......all the work.......common room.....you will...." All of her words were completely tuned out the next second as I stared at his face, he smirked so confidently. 

"Ms. Young?" McGonagall's voice brought me back to reality as I blinked looking her way. "Am I clear of my directions?" She asked as I blinked again looking away for a second as I nodded. "Yes, you're all good," I lied as I gulped looking back at him. He picked up his small hand carry bag as he walked towards me, gesturing towards the door to exit. 

My eyes never left him as it burned into him, the desire to watch him melt onto the stone-cold floor or burn him and hear his screams that would bring my ears immense pleasure. I walked out of the office as the door behind us closed. "Long time no see Evelyn," He talked as I ignored him, wanting to curl my hands into a fist and jab it onto his face. "I haven't seen you since the fifth year party, are you and George still a thing?" He asked as I looked at him, not uttering a word. I looked away not wanting to give him the satisfaction of my answer as he proceeded to provoke me by letting his fingers stroke against my arm. 

I jerked immediately away from his touch, almost pushing him away. "Touch me again Jackson and watch what happens," I threatened him as I tried to feel my wand in my robes. 

" _ Feisty _ , I enjoy it," He laughed as a disgusted look plastered my face. I tried holding back as much as I could. 

"You're disgusting and vile," I spat at him as he continued to laugh it off like it was nothing. 

"Are you trying to hurt my feelings, Evelyn?" He asked as I almost bit down on my tongue.  _ Kill him. Just do it. No. No you can't do that _ . "What makes you think you have the audacity to call me by my first name? You know what, don't call me at all. I'd rather die than hear my name mutter from your filthy mouth," I sneered at him as he disgustingly smirked. 

"I liked you better at the party, so  _ slutty, _ not back talking," He eyed me up and down, staring at my skirt as I pulled out my wand, pointing at his neck. 

"You look at me again, and I swear Jackson you won't be able to take another step." 

" _ Awww _ —that's cute, but you can't do shit Evelyn, you're just a helpless little girl who I get to have my hands over," He spoke as I wanted to stab into his neck with my wand, so he couldn't speak another word. "You  _ assaulted _ me, it's not something you should be proud of, that's not an accomplishment, it's an embarrassment, Jackson." I pushed my wand further against his neck, so badly wanting to bruise him—hurt him—I wanted to see him in pain—I wanted to hurt him. " _ Tsk—tsk—tsk _ Evelyn, what are you going to do? Hurt me?" He laughed. 

I moved my wand to cast a spell to watch him suffer—it would be temporary but at least it would be something. Everything had happened so fast that I couldn't comprehend how it could have possibly happened. As I moved my wand, he immediately took a hold of my wrists, pushing me back and into the walls as he held me in place. 

"Like I said, poor helpless Evelyn," He repeated himself as I fought back the tears in my eyes.  _ Fight back Evelyn, fight back. _

"You're pathetic Jackson," I sneered at his face as he smirked, making me gag internally. 

"Why don't you be a nice little girl and do what's asked of you," He let go of my wrists as he picked up his bag. I was quick but so was he, as I waved my wand to cast a  _ stupefy _ spell towards him, he had turned around to cast one back and someone else interfered. 

Malfoy. 

He pushed me back, not letting Jacksons spell hit me as he cast a spell that shot purple sparks toward him. He went flying back as I watched Malfoy turn toward me, picking me up as he looked at me. I looked up at him with teary eyes as I parted my lips to say something, but I saw Jackson getting up as he got a hold of his wand, throwing a spell in our way. I attempted to push Malfoy out of the scene as Jackson's spell suddenly disappeared into thin air.

Professor McGonagall had stopped it. She stared at the three of us in the corridor, taking her time to observe each of us carefully. "There better be a good explanation," She spoke as I internally cried at the thought of possibly explaining to her what had happened that night. 

We all walked into her office as Malfoy eyed Jackson up and down, keeping me by my side like I was a piece of delicate glass that needed to be protected. We all stood in a line, with a distance between each other as we faced the Professor. "Mr Malfoy, what kind of behavior is to welcome our student this way? That is very unacceptable behavior," She protested as my eyes darted up to her in confusion. 

"I'm aware of your childish rivalry between yourself and Ms. Young, but you've crossed the line by involving Mr. Jackson," She talked as my jaw practically dropped onto the floor on what she was talking about. Jackson stood there not speaking a word as he quietly smiled to himself. "Professor—"

"No need to explain yourself Ms. Young, I already know what you're about to say," She paused as she looked over to Malfoy. "You'll be suspended for three days Mr. Malfoy." She spoke as I took a step forward to protest. "Fine by me, I don't really care," He spoke as I looked at him in utter confusion of what he was trying to do. "It's settled then, Ms. Young, you may escort yourself out with Mr. Jackson." 

"What? No," I spoke as she turned back around facing my way. "This isn't Malfoy's fault, you can't suspend him." 

McGonagall stood in her office, ready to send Malfoy off as she looked at me with her sharp cat eyes, as I questioned her act. 

"What are you exactly trying to say Ms. Young?" She spoke in a sharp tone as I felt my insides being flushed completely upside down. "It wasn't Malfoy's fault—he didn't do anything."

"Young," He stared at me in a cold look. "Just go." 

"He—he was there because of me. I—he came there or was there because of me," I stuttered as I tried to comprehend the words of how to tell her what had happened that night without telling her directly. "He was saving me."

It's out there now, just have to tell her the rest. She took a step forward as she fiddled unnoticed with her robes as she stared at me. " _ Saving you _ ?" She questioned as I gulped. "What could he possibly be saving you from in the middle of the corridor?" 

"He was trying to— _ um _ —he was trying to save," I stuttered badly as my voice couldn't leave my mouth as I spoke to myself in my head. 

" _ Young _ ." If looks could murder, it would be the look he was giving me right now. I stood my ground as I faced McGonagall again. "Jackson assaulted me last year," The words came out in a rush out of my mouth as if I said it any slower I wouldn't be able to. 

"Professor, she's lying," Jackson spoke as he took a step towards me as Malfoy immediately stepped in front of me like a shield, making me look at his side profile. Jackson tried to take another step as Malfoy almost gripped his wand from his pocket.

"Take another step towards her, you won't be able to walk for the rest of your life," His words were clear and he spat at him. I didn't know what I was feeling, but it was there, I never had someone acknowledge me this way, so it was new. 

"Mr. Jackson I suggest you take a step back from Mr Malfoy and Ms. Young if you wish to not suffer  _ worse  _ consequences," McGonagall cleared her throat as she stepped away from her desk. "What does Mr. Malfoy have to do with all of this then?" 

"He has known, and he has— _ helped me _ . I—I don't know how to um explain it without it sounding depressing. This wasn't Draco's fault. He did nothing," I used his first name without even realizing as his eyes landed on me, I've never used it in front of him or him being conscious when I used it in front of him. "This was all Jackson's doing. He tried to bother me again, but Draco came on time and prevented it." 

McGonagall stood there very shook and surprised at what had happened as it took her a minute to collect herself from all the circumstances of this morning. 

"I apologize that you had to go through that Ms. Young, I wish you had told me earlier, so I would've dealt with this a long time ago," We all stood there as we waited for her to continue about what was going to happen. Malfoy kept looking at me, but I had no intention of looking his way with his grey eyes staring into my soul. 

"Jackson will be expelled from Hogwarts for his  _ actions," _ I was relieved to hear that he wasn't going to attend this school anymore, I couldn't care less about what would happen to him. He ruined my life as his effect would always stay on me no matter what and I hated that. I hated that I'd have to live with this, but I can't control what has happened but what would happen in the future.

She asked Malfoy and I to leave her office as she dealt with Jackson and what he had done to one of the students at Hogwarts. As we exited, he immediately jerked me back to look towards his way. "I had it under control, you didn't have to do that." 

"I did have to do that. I wasn't going to let her punish you for something that wasn't your fault. You don't need to play the fucking Martyr," I pushed my hair back from my face as he rolled his eyes from my words. 

"You always have to be right don't you?" He questioned me as I looked back at him. "What's your deal? One day you act like you don't care, then show up the next minute like a fucking—I don't know. You care and then leave, then you just—what's your deal?" I spoke, taking a step forward as I had his full attention not realizing the proximity of how close our faces were. 

"There is no  _ deal _ , Jackson was being a dickhead and I just happened to be there at the right time," He took a step closer as he scanned my face fully, walking past me as I scoffed not wanting to argue anymore.  _ Fucking asshole. _


	17. SEVENTEEN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mature scenes

**PEOPLE** say that a soulmate is someone who can make the best version of you, that they bring out the best in you. I don't fully agree with that statement because why does the world always revolve so much around two lovers? Why can't it just be about yourself as well? Why can you bring the best out in yourself? 

You don't need anyone to be truly you. Everything doesn't revolve around lovers. If you can't love yourself, how are you supposed to love others? I think that's what most people do, they become fully dependent on others for their happiness and when they leave it hurts like a bitch because they were so dependent on them for yourself to be better. 

I don't like depending on people because they leave, all the time. At the end of the day all you have is yourself and that has to be enough. 

Don't be a better person for someone else only but for yourself. Though, others can also help you realize your worth and how to be the best version of yourself, sometimes other people can bring out the best in you but that's  _ rare _ . 

Happiness was never a thing that stuck around in my life, the universe quite literally had an agenda against me.  _ Rude _ . My mother and I never had the perfect relationship, we practically hated each other but still stuck around. There were moments where we would connect and laugh but all I could think about was how the next minute she's going to find a reason to get mad at me and argue with me. 

Whenever I'm happy I'm afraid that it'll be taken away. That one day that person who I loved will either leave me or die. I spent so long trying to feel happy that when it actually arrives I can't enjoy and struggle to find joy out of fear that it will leave. But happiness comes and goes like clouds and rainbows. Happiness is like a gift, enjoy it while it lasts. 

I wasn't always such a sappy person, there was a time where I was full of light, vibrant, happy and just full of such positivity and glowed until it took too many lies, a handful of betrayals, and a house full of hurt to turn myself into a wounded soul. But I want to be better. Take an example of a garden, take that hurt and bury it into the soil and now water it, take a moment and allow a whole new garden to grow, heal yourself, and bring yourself back to life.

The truth is that everyone is going to hurt you, people you wouldn't expect to, but sometimes you have to find the ones that are worth suffering for. 

I haven't left my dorm for a few days, I was taking my time to fully comprehend the events of the last few days. It was something that took a lot longer than I expected to process. I had come face with the person who had assaulted me and had reacted in a way completely unexpected. I was expecting myself to break down or cry, but I didn't. 

I felt relief. I felt relieved that he was gone, I felt like I received some sort of closure that most people don't get, I felt grateful. 

I hadn't remembered who he was or how he looked because my brain had blocked that memory out since it was so painful for me to remember.

The last couple of days I just took the time to properly heal from all the things I had experienced, it felt so surreal and unreal. I read a couple of books to distract myself from letting my thoughts drown me completely. I messed around with eyeliner on my face until my eye felt numb. I did a runway in my room in the mirror as I tried on all my clothes to put together new outfits with the new ones I had bought.

My mind wandered to Malfoy a couple of times, more than it should've. I couldn't help but think about him. I was aware that he was staying here as well yet there was no sign of him. I did hear a few footsteps around my dorm but didn't think of it as much. It was Sunday night as I sat in my dorm, wearing a silk, black nightwear dress as it barely covered my thighs, but it didn't really matter to me. It was just a short nightwear dress that I bought last year with Bonnie when we went to Hogsmeade. 

I laid on my bed as I stared at the ceiling for a couple of minutes, rethinking life decisions as I abruptly sat up. I looked under my bed and on my side night drawers for  _ alcohol _ . I decided I was going to drink tonight, not a lot to the point I'm drunk but enough to have fun. I don't keep alcohol in my dorm usually but always had some because of Bonnie and Blaise. I pulled out the only bottle as I twisted the cap and popped it open. 

I decided to hop off my bed as I took a big sip right from the bottle, squirming slightly as the burning liquid went down my throat. I was always a straightforward and upfront person but what alcohol did was make me bold, and I enjoyed that. I opened the door to my dorm as I went down the stairs, to the warm common room. 

I examined the bottle a little as the taste of the alcohol felt  _ weird _ , but I didn't think much of it as I saw Malfoy with a glass of some  _ liquid _ in his hand as well as he sat in a black suit. The suit was a black suit head to toe. His hair was styled to the left as usual. Single breasted, but with peaked lapels. This unusual detail, along with handmade buttonholes and functional cuff buttons, give the garment away as bespoke. The shirt is black, fitted against his chest along with the tie being black as well, solid and sleek. 

I tilted my head slightly as I walked forward, arching a brow. I didn't think he had left Hogwarts, but apparently he did, by his  _ attire _ that was intriguing in other words. "You look interesting," I spoke as I sat down on the couch next him taking another swig of the bottle. 

"I could say the same for you," He spoke as I looked back at him, narrowing my brows. 

"I'm not the one wearing a black suit in the middle of the night in the common room right now. I mean I'm not complaining but—" I suddenly stopped myself as I thought about my last incomplete sentence.  _ I'm not even drunk yet, weird.  _

"So where did you go?" I asked him blankly as I sat there with a bottle of alcohol in my hand—like a five-year-old toddler. 

"Nothing that concerns you," He talked back as I almost pouted at his answer, sarcastically. I inched forward towards him as I observed him. "Why are you always so broody? It's annoying." 

"I'm not  _ broody _ . Just honest," He rolled his eyes as he looked my way. I smiled as I inched forward  _ again _ . 

"No you're not honest—well you are, but you're very annoyingly irritating, and it's very frustrating," I spoke back as he extended his arm on the back of the couch. 

"I should care for your input because?" 

"See that thing you do is annoying, like do you really enjoy annoying people or are just incredibly bored with your life? Is daddy's money not fun anymore?" I spoke as the mention of his father makes his blood boil and I know that, but I still mentioned it.  _ This bloody alcohol _ . "I told you not to fucking mention my father—"

"Yeah yeah not to mention your father. I get it you have daddy issues, so do I. Get. Over. It. Don't be such an annoying ass, Malfoy," I blurted it out as I caught more of his attention, he hated the mention of his father for god knows why when he was the one that always brought it up in every conversation and then all of a sudden he didn't. "You scare me." 

"Sure do enlighten me why," He spoke in a sarcastic tone as I straightened my back, inching more towards him. 

"Because I can tell you or do things or even say things that sometimes I can't even say out loud to myself," I moved forward to make him look towards me. "Don't ask me why because I don't know the answer to that, but it's just very interesting how that works, literally right now I'm just speaking and saying things I shouldn't be like  _ damn okay _ this alcohol is weird." 

"How much have you had to drink?" He asked me as I parted my lips to speak but realized I actually haven't had much. "Like two mouthful sips?" I gave him a questionable look as I thought to myself.  _ Shit _ . The Veritaserum bottle, shit. This can't be actually happening right now. "You've had the same amount as me, yet you're all over the place, it's actually quite hilarious." 

"You're an annoying prick," I spoke as he laughed making me roll my eyes. I wanted to annoy him as much as he did me right now. He took another sip out of his glass as I tilted my head, smirking as an idea came to my head. "You've got a little something," I pointed to his mouth as I leaned forward, he looked confused as I moved my hand towards his face, tracing the corner of his mouth with my thumb as I pulled away. "There," I smiled.  _ I did that on purpose.  _

I caught him off guard as he looked at me, I could feel his eyes tracing my body as I pretended to look at the bottle in my hand, examining it.  _ Well I wasn't really paying attention to the damn bottle, but I was paying attention to his eyes on me and for some reason I enjoyed it. _ There is something said about two people who come face to face, time and time again no matter if they're in love, or hate each other. Those are the people who have a little thing called fate on their side, it's almost like the world is giving out signals. 

I looked back at him as he looked away as my gaze met his. I didn't know what I was drinking as I put it away onto the table, and looked back at him. "You're very boring," I spoke as unintentionally moved closer to him, facing the fireplace, slouching onto the couch. 

"I didn't know I was here for your entertainment purposes, Young," I sat back up as I bent my knee, facing him, my eyes landing on the rings on his hands. 

"What's with the theme of the rings on your hands?" I asked as he gave himself a minute to think if he actually wanted to answer or just ignore me. 

_ He ignored me. Prick.  _

"Why did you kiss me the other day?" I asked him. I wanted his attention and he was doing everything that was the opposite of it. "And don't say to shut me up because there were a lot of other ways you could've." 

He looked at me as his grey eyes reflected bright from the fireplace. "Whatever makes you sleep at night," He ignored the question again as my frustration grew by the minute. 

"If you were put in that situation again, would you still kiss me?" I asked as I leaned forward. 

"No." 

I raised a brow as I looked at him. "Would you still kiss me if it weren't for that situation?" I asked him as I saw him grow frustrated because of the questions I asked. I leaned forward towards his face, waiting for a response as I could hear his breath grow heavier by the second. I ran my hand against his black button-up shirt, feeling his chest. "Would you,  _ Draco _ ?"

His face was close enough to mine that I could almost feel the tip of his nose brushing against mine. I gave him a second as he did not respond, just as the sound of our heavy breathing grew, I turned away. He caught me by the wrist as he pulled me back, his warm breath, smelling of clean spice, stroked my cheek and ear. A thrilling shiver coursed over me, running down my spine as this feeling was new but  _ inviting _ . 

I could feel the tension rising between us as the air between us grew hot as each second passed. Neither of us making the first move as we're both stubborn to give in. I could feel the goosebumps on my body forming as his hands are wrapped around my wrists, thinking how'd it feel like to feel his lips against mine or on my neck. 

His grip slightly loosened on my wrist as I slightly leaned forward, as our lips slightly brushed against each other. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest as the sudden need to kiss him grew. I hated him—I did—but why did I want to kiss him so badly as if it was not a want anymore but a  _ need _ . 

I gave in as I connected my lips with his as everything else around had disappeared. He kissed me as if he had been starving for it and the desire just grew more and more. His hands shifted to the back of my head as he pulled me closer.  _ I needed this. _ I reached for his face as I kissed him feverishly back. It was crazy how our lips moved perfectly against each other.

His hand traveled to the back of my thigh as he pulled me onto him and the next thing I knew I was on top of him as I kissed him like I had been starving. My hands ran through the back of his platinum hair as I tugged on the ends of it. 

He pulled away as he began to leave hot kisses on my jaw and neck. His hands were still on the back of my head as he sucked slightly on the skin of my neck. His kisses upon my neck started a fire within me no one else could ever ignite. I pushed the jacket of his suit down as he helped take it off, throwing it on the floor.

I brought his lips back to mine as I kissed him harder, deeper, with a fervent urgent need I've never known before. I could feel him holding back as his hands stayed focused on the back of my head as he pulled me closer. I pulled away as I pressed my forehead against his. "Draco you can touch me, I need—I  _ want _ you to touch me," I spoke, trying to catch my breath. I took his hand as I placed it on my waist. "I'm okay with  _ you _ touching me." 

I dipped my head to kiss him again as he kissed back, his hand gripping my waist as the other toyed with the hem of the dress. I stroked his cheeks slightly as I kissed him, unbuttoning the first button of his shirt as I traced his revealed chest with my index finger. His kisses were evoking my sensations that I had never known I was capable of feeling.

His hand slid up underneath my dress as I felt his cold hands grip my bare waist, I gasped between our kisses. He trailed his hand up my body as I pressed my hips against his, allowing my body to feel every part of him. " _ Fuck—Evelyn _ ," He groaned as he kissed me, those words were enough to ignite the even deeper fire inside me as I rolled my hips against his. 

The thought of him saying my first name, made me want to absolutely never stop kissing him. His hands traced every curve on my waist as he slid up further, tracing the outline of my breasts as I felt the coldness of his fingertips absolutely enthrall me. My hands slipped down to his belt as I signaled him for  _ more _ . 

He pulled away as I kissed him without hesitating.

" _ Evelyn _ ." He called out my name as I kissed him more deeply. I toyed with his belt as he pulled away. "Are you sure  _ you _ want to?" He asked as I nodded to his question, dipping my head to kiss him again. "Use your words." He spoke as my lips hovered over him. "I do—I want to," I spoke as I kissed him again as he pulled me closer. 

I felt him smile against our kisses as I couldn't care less that this was boosting his ego, I wanted him and the Veritaserum in my system wouldn't help me lie either if I tried to deny it.

He lifted my hips up as he pushed his pants down, I pressed down on his shoulders for support. His cold hands gripped my waist as he pulled me closer, positioning my body onto him as he lowered me down onto him, inch by inch. 

I squeezed my eyes shut as I cried out at the feeling of all of this. My hands gripped his shoulder as he looked up at me. "If you want me to stop, tell me," He spoke as I slightly pressed my forehead against his. "Evelyn, look at me," I nodded as I looked at him. 

"Just grip my shoulders tightly if you want me to stop. Understood?" The way he was making sure if I was okay and if I was comfortable, made me want to kiss him even more, I hated him, so why was I feeling this way? I couldn't understand the attraction. He pressed open-mouthed kisses against my neck as he guided me more down onto him until I had taken  _ all _ of him. 

I rolled my hips forward as his face was buried on the column of my neck as I continued to move my hips forward. " _ Fuck—that's _ —" I struggled to speak as I continued to move my hips forward onto him. He gripped my waist tightly as I was sure of the fact that it would leave marks as he rings pressed tightly onto my skin. " _ Fuck—Evelyn, _ " He moaned against my neck as that was the hottest thing I've heard come out of his mouth. 

He brought his lips back to me as I swallowed my cries as I wrapped my arms around him as he kissed me deeply. My face buried into his neck as he guided my hips towards him, to help me ride him. I felt like stars were dancing across my skin as he thrusted inside me. 

His hands wrapped around my throat as he pulled his mouth against mine as he continued to thrust against me, I felt my body shaking. I could feel my vision going white as ecstasy consumed my body and Malfoy picked up his pace. His one hand stayed on my lower back as the other tangled up in my hair as he hit all the sensitive areas within me.

I gripped the fabric of his shirt as I felt his damp skin. He let out a moan as he was at the end of his high, relaxing and breathing against my neck. I could feel his lips brushing against my neck as my hands were tangled up in his hair. He lifted my hips up as he pulled his pants up. I could feel all my hormones jumping all over the places as I felt his hand on my lower back as he gripped my waist with the other. 

He pushed my hair back as he breathed against my ear, I felt my body jump internally against it. I heard him conjure a duvet as he covered me with it, probably because of my shivering body. I could've fallen asleep right there, on top of him as my face was buried against his neck. It felt so comfortable and no part of me wanted to leave but just to fall asleep. 

I could feel him grip my waist to pull me off of him as I pulled back, looking at him. "Can't you just take me up to my room, I don't—I can't—please," I asked him as I felt my legs shaking. I hadn't hooked up with anyone in a year and the adrenaline that was currently running through my body was at its highest. He smirked at my comment as I rolled my eyes.  "I still hate you," I spoke up as I heard him let out a small laugh. "I hate you too." "Don't say 'too' it sounds like you're just agreeing with me and not saying it for yourself," I felt his breath against my neck. "I still hate you, Young."


	18. EIGHTEEN

**ISN'T** it so frustrating when you want to have a pity party, be sad and lay in bed all day, but you can't. You just can't. You've got to get up, you have things to do, things that probably don't even matter, but it's something that's necessary. You have to force yourself to get up and the pity party never comes. 

Books. Those were my escape from reality growing up, you are living a whole different reality in your head. It's intriguing, and it's fun until it's not, until you realize that none of it's realized, and it's just words on these pages. They say it doesn't hurt to dream.  _ Liars _ . 

Being caught in a whirlwind of emotions and dancing on clouds of warmth and ecstasy. Fingers intertwined together like matching puzzle pieces. Eyes lighting up in brilliant starlight, looking up at the enchanting than what lights up the night sky. Arms safer than any authority's weapon. 

Then you wake up to realize that protection isn't there, the perfect puzzle piece, the starlights, and the love you felt. Love is a whirlwind of warmth and cold at the same time, feeling so safe but also not being afraid of the unknown that is to come. Love is like walking on the edge of a building rooftop and not afraid of falling because you know that they're there. Love is like looking at them, seeing their imperfections and falling in love with them to feel the perfection of it. I envy people who don't know how it feels to miss someone who doesn't exist, it's a feeling of  _ emptiness _ . 

It's like mourning the loss of no one. 

It's like a type of heartbreak that not a lot of people will experience. I hope they never do because it isn't pleasant. The feeling of loving someone, wanting to know their secrets. Wondering how their skin would feel like on yours, how their breath would feel on your bare neck. How you feel when they intertwine their fingers with yours. But once you snap back to reality, none of that was real. It never existed, it was all in your head. It was all a game in your head, leaving you  _ empty _ and  _ emotionless _ . 

But those were just book characters, so why did it hurt so much? 

In my head I just think to myself that maybe, just maybe it hurt so damn much because that's all I've ever wanted, to feel loved, to feel someone's hand hold my face as they express their love for me. To feel affection and a connection that starts off as imperfections. You ask why? I want someone to fall in love with my imperfections because that's what makes a person so clear and pulling. 

You understand those deep parts of them to realize why they are the way they are, also the fact that maybe not all ruthless, cold people are evil, maybe they're just hurt? 

I headed down towards the common room, as my stomach growled out of immense hunger. I rubbed my forehead to release the pain from the huge headache I had. I didn't even drink that much, so it was concerning how much my head hurt. I don't even remember what time or day it was as I just felt the bright sunlight hit upon my eyes from the huge glass window in the common room. 

I looked up as I saw Malfoy heading down from the boy's dormitory in a plain white shirt and black sweats. That's when the reality of all my memories came flooding back to my head as I remembered what the fuck we had done the previous night as my eyes strolled to the couch and how caught up we were at the moment.  _ Fuck _ .

He suddenly looked up at me as our eyes met, and I felt my body freeze completely in place as he scanned my face with no hint of awkwardness. "Like what you see, Young?" He spoke as I rolled my eyes. Glad to know his old self was still in there. 

"You wish," I sarcastically smiled, turning around. 

That's when the common room door busted open, and I turned around to Bonnie rushing towards me. I had forgotten that everyone was returning from break today.  _ Okay good, no awkward talks with Malfoy then _ . She smiled as she pulled me into a hug. "Oh I've missed you so fucking much," She muttered into my ear as I wrapped my arms around her body. 

"I've missed you a lot too Bon," I muttered in a low tone as we continued to stay in a hug. 

"You better spill about how your break was," She laughed as she pulled me away. I saw Blaise bickering with Theo as he entered and Amelia right behind them as she carried a Daily Prophet in her hand. 

"You went to that store and didn't bring me anything? The fucking audacity you have Theo," Blaise grunted as he shook his head pointing at Theo. Theo nodded his head in disappointment as he dropped his hand carry bag onto the floor. 

"I didn't know you would want it Blaise and aren't you capable of going there yourself? Don't act like a prude," He joked as Blaise let out a sarcastic gasp, dropping his jaw. 

"What are you two going about?" I asked as Bonnie hugged Theo and I caught Blaise's attention. "Theo didn't bring me a keychain from Moscow, tell me that's not disrespectful," I couldn't tell if he was joking or not, so my eyes landed on Amelia who had her lips formed into a thin line as she contained herself from laughing in this very dramatic situation. 

"I told you I didn't remember," Theo screamed as he threw his hands in the air. "Malfoy, back me up," He called out for help as he shook his head, drinking his tea as he stood there so confidently with a slight smile on his face. "Rude, all of you." Theo dramatically stormed off to his dorm as Bonnie rolled her eyes, following him. 

"So if the dramatic theater is over now Blaise, how the fuck are you?" I finally got a chance to ask him as Amelia placed the Daily Prophet on the table and Blaise took off his coat, folding it as I held it in his hand. 

"I am fucking exhausted," He spoke, taking a deep breath as I waited for him to continue being even more dramatic than anyone I've ever known. I pushed my hair back as I leaned against the couch waiting for him to continue. "Holy fucking shit, Evelyn." 

I looked up at Amelia who stared at me hysterically as if I was a love of prize laying in an empty road. "What?" I asked her as she took a step towards me, dramatically. "Spill it out already, did you all wake up and decided to be a theater kid together?" I joked as a smile came across Amelia and Blaise's face lightened up. 

"Your neck, they're covered in hickies," She spoke as my face immediately dropped and my hand went straight to cover my neck as I felt the fresh bruises. "Holy fuck Evelyn, these are fresh too," She talked as she swatted my hand off to look at my neck as if it was a prized possession. 

Malfoy's head slightly jerked up as I tried to contain the anger inside me. How could I not have paid attention? How fucking dumb of you Evelyn. Blaise looked amused as Amelia continued to burn her eyes into me. "Well who's the lucky man?" Blaise asked as I rolled my eyes. 

"For Merlin's sake you all are acting like you've never hickies before," I pushed Amelia's hand off. "You need to sleep Amelia, please get some before you drive me insane."

"Oh come on, give us a name, a house?" She questioned as I parted my lips to come up with an answer, but she bombarded me with another one before I could answer. "Hold up, you don't look like you came this morning? Did you stay here?" She asked as I quickly nodded my head. 

"What? No. I came back  _ last night _ . Things were eventful at home, so I came back a day earlier, that's all." I lied as by the look of their faces, they believed me as Malfoy quietly listened. 

"Give us a name at least, I'm sort of dying over here," She begged me as I thought that if I gave her a name or the house, or both that maybe she'd back out. 

"Yeah give us a name, Evelyn," Blaise joked as the nerve to punch him rose within me. "Fine. He's a Hufflepuff? Yeah, I believe he was in  _ Hufflepuff _ and his name was Mathew?" I spoke, questioning myself as she raised a brow. "Are you asking or telling me? I can't tell." 

"Obviously I'm telling you Amelia, go rest because your exhaustion thoughts are going to drive me insane," I nervously chuckled as she squinted her eyes at me and gradually turned around picking up the Daily Prophet and going up to her dorm. 

"Same goes for  _ you _ Blaise," He snickered, almost tripping as he went up to his dorm and my eyes went straight for Malfoy who was patiently drinking his tea, examining a paper. 

"You idiot," I swatted his shoulder as he looked at me in annoyance. 

"And who do I owe the pleasure for your  _ welcoming _ presence?" He spoke in a sarcastic tone as it annoyed me even more. "The least you could've done is told me that my neck was covered in  _ bruises _ by no other but  _ you _ ." He snickered.  _ Asshole _ . "From what I remember, you were aware of the fact that it happened since you were the one on top—"

"Don't finish that sentence, I'm too sober for this conversation," He placed his cup of tea as he moved his body towards me. He was tall, taller than last year. His hair was messily pushed back as a smirk wavered his face. "Hufflepuff? Seriously? Couldn't have said Ravenclaw?" 

"Yeah I should've just said he was in Slytherin, a very annoying prick that I slept with named Malfoy," I spoke as he chuckled looking away. 

"I hate you." 

"Feelings mutual, Young," He spoke leaning in as he took a step closer, I gulped slightly as he pulled out his hand, pushing my hair back to my front as it covered my neck. His face was close to mine just like last night when I leaned in closing the space between us. He had pretty eyes, the specks of green in his gray eyes that looked vibrant in the sun as he stared at me. The atmosphere felt warmer as I felt my breath hitched as his presence was so  _ close _ to me. 

The door of the common room opened again as he traced my collarbone, walking away as I held the chair to steady myself for a moment. I heard more and more students gathering into the common room as I turned around to go up to my dorm.


	19. NINETEEN

" **WHAT** do you think he is going to announce about?" Bonnie questioned as I lazily stabbed into my waffles not feeling hungry at all. 

"I have no clue, whatever it is, he better be quick because all I want to do is sleep," I spoke, as she rolled her eyes on my laziness from the past week. 

"Did something happen on fall break? You've been acting weird ever since, you were  _ normal _ before." She spoke as her words caught my attention. My mind went back to the events of fall break and every single thing that has happened since that time. I thought about every argument I had with my mother, leaving the Manor, seeing Malfoy seated in the common room, how he kissed me that night. The only person that knows about Elliot was him and I couldn't forget how he  _ defended _ me in a way. The way I was so open to him about me every time as if it was  _ instinct _ ? I couldn't help but let my mind wander to the fact that I wanted him to touch me, I don't know why, but it was just there, blame the alcohol. 

"I'm fine Bonnie, just tired as usual," I spoke as she gave a look. The look that says, I don't believe a single shit that came out of your mouth. 

"You're so terrible at lying, you need to improve your skills. Also, I don't know how you think your 'I'm fine' thing would ever work on me. You're not fine and there's something that's bothering you. It's clear." I wanted to tell her about Elliot, about Malfoy as well, but I chose not to. There was no point specially about Malfoy, it was meaningless sex.  _ Right? _

"You almost got me there but seriously, I'm good," No Bonnie I'm actually dying inside and want to tell you each and every detail about what happened between me and Malfoy that break, but I just can't because  _ I just can't. _ I have told Bonnie about every hook up like she has to me as well, but this one wouldn't bulge. 

"I'll get it out of you soon this week, just watch," She squinted her eyes at me as I shook my head jokingly. I turned towards the long line of different types of food in front of me to grab the last piece of French toast on the platter  _ but _ someone else grabbed it as well. 

"Malfoy, what a delight welcome," I smiled in a sarcastic tone as he rolled his eyes.

"Hands off Young, this one's mine," He talked as I stabbed further into the toast, letting him know that it's mine. 

"Last time I checked the French toast didn't have your name on it, so I'm taking this," I moved forward to pass it onto my plate and his long delicate fingers, dressed with rings wrapped around my wrist. 

"No." The only words that came out of his mouth. 

"Oh god, not this again, it's seven in the morning," Blaise spoke as his head rested against the breakfast table, groaning as he heard our argument. 

"Malfoy I'm not in the mood to argue, so hands  _ off _ ." I threatened him as he smirked.

"I don't care, Young."

"Fuck you," My tone was harsh and straight as he chuckled looking at me. 

" _ I did. _ " He mouthed as he looked at me, making my jaw drop to the floor as I pushed my hair back to look around if anyone saw him as well, thankfully no one did. He took the French toast as he began slicing it, making my blood boil.  _ Fuck you, you motherfucking asshole. Piece of Shit.  _

"Attention students," Dumbledore's loud voice echoed through the Great Hall as my attention diverted from the blonde to the Headmaster. "It is my greatest honor to announce the upcoming competition for this year," He spoke as Bonnie aggressively patted my arm as I assured her of the fact that I could hear him. "This competition will take place in the beginning of next week. It isn't just any ordinary competition, but a competition based off of your skills to prove your success from everything you've learned this year and the past year at Hogwarts." 

The last time we had anything remotely close to a competition was fourth year, The Triwizard Tournament. After the heartbreaking death of Cedric Diggory the school had gone through a dark time for a couple of months, but the attention was diverted to a pink cupcake we all know as Umbridge. "The tournament will be based on your everyday lives and classes, Transfiguration, Defense Against the Dark, Potions, Herbology will be one of the main focuses of this competition. You'll be tested on your memory and defense skills as well as two other things," I could've felt Bonnie almost squeeze my arm off of excitement as I calmed her down and looked over to Blaise who was knocked out on the table. 

"The other two main categories of this tournament will be based on your stamina and your athletic skills. On New Year's Eve you'll be taking part in a competition between students on your dancing skills," I could hear audible gasps and groans from all around the hall as Dumbledore mentioned the dance competition. During the fourth year when we were practicing for the Yule Ball, Snape was the one to teach us how to prepare for it, it was one of the funniest things I've experienced. What made it even more hilarious was the fact that Slytherin's were paired were Hufflepuff's and my partner happened to be Cedric Diggory. The heartthrob of Hogwarts during that time period. 

"During the dance competition amongst the students, you'll be assigned a random partner to dance along with it. This will measure your skills of teamwork and communication. Now keep in mind you can be assigned with any house so don't get too ahead of yourselves," Looks were exchanged all around the room as chatter filled up the room, and it increased by the second as Bonnie basically had me by the collar, she obviously wanted Theo as her partner. 

"Silence," Dumbledore demanded as the voices lowered as the attention was back on the old man. 

"The next part of the main category will be Quidditch. As we all are aware of this there is no need to explain the rules for this one. Now, the rules for the dance completion will be explained by your assigned mentors. Keep in mind not everyone will be participating," I was slouching in my chair as I suddenly sat straight up at his words of not everyone being able to participate, reminded me of fourth year. He flicked his wand as a chalice was revealed.  _ Holy fuck _ . "The participants will be chosen by an impartial selector: the Fire Chalice. Anybody wishing to submit themselves as the champions must write their name and school clearly upon a slip of parchment and drop it into the chalice, aspiring participants have twenty-four hours in which to put their names forward. Tomorrow night, the Chalice will return the names of the worthy to participate." 

He walked away after a couple of moments as the hall filled with students chatting amongst each other. It was shocking of what was to come within these tasks of the competition, it was more scary since the trauma of the Triwizard Tournament still stayed put in many people's mind; especially Harry. "I was expecting something, but I was not expecting all of that," Bonnie's voice interrupted my thoughts as I shook my head slightly and looked towards her. "Are you going to put your name in the Chalice?" She asked as I took a second to reply.

"I'm not sure Bonnie, considering what happened the last time we had a Tournament," My voice lowered towards the end as there was a sadistic vibe in the atmosphere. The death of Cedric Diggory was still fresh in many people's hearts, I knew it was mine since he was my first kiss. It was sad but I never really had the chance to process it really. It was my thing, burying the trauma in my head and not dealing with it until it all comes crashing down together like a grenade and boom, there's an explosion. 

"Evelyn that tournament was two years ago, and they were battling dragons, underwater creatures, and mazes that held powerful evil witches of old times. You can't really pin that on anyone to help you move on from the terrible things I guess?" She spoke trying to convince me. I knew that even though I'd hate participating, my mother would let me take part in it. Society standards and everything. "Maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong. I guess we'll just see." The minute those words came out of my mouth, chirping filled up the room as a trail of owls came flying in making us all look up.

Letters, small boxes and all sorts of mails were being dropped as Blaise jolted up. "Is that mail?" He spoke in excitement as Malfoy shook his head as I laughed pushing my food away. "Yes it is Blaise," I spoke as a letter dropper in front of me making me lean back from the table. I picked it up as I read the address and name, it was from my mother. How bad can it possibly be? 

I began opening the letter as I noticed Malfoy received one as well, he was reading it in utter disgust as he wanted nothing to do with it. I looked back down at mine as I quickly took out the folded parchment, it was quite the letter.

_ It's actually quite disrespectful to me that you left the Thanksgiving dinner the way you did Evelyn. I am very ashamed of you and your behavior, but I am choosing to put it past us as I've heard about the upcoming competition from the community gathering the other day. You will take part in this competition and will put each and every ounce of your hard work into it. Do not disappoint me Evelyn. Also, as you know my personal connections with the Malfoy's will no longer continue because of reasons I cannot state in this later though I'd suggest you carry on with your hatred towards him, the only good thing you've done that has made me proud.  _

_ Feline.  _

I folded the letter back up as I slowly ripped it apart. Knowing myself I'd look back at the letter over and over again to bring some sort of surety to me that simply does not exist. I knew she'd expect to take part in the competition, so I didn't really have a choice in the matter, maybe this would change her mind about how she viewed me. The worst part is I didn't even put much thought in the first part of the letter. It was the last sentence that had bothered me. 

I never knew how close my family was with the Malfoy's even though I knew they had a few things in common, blood prejudice, social structure of the family, respect, and mostly how others viewed them. I mostly hated the Malfoy's because I saw my family in them otherwise I had nothing against them but what was so conflicting that my mother cut personal ties with them and asked me to stay put with my rivalry towards Malfoy. It's like I can tell her that I slept with him and have kissed him multiple times. Well the kissing part shouldn't matter because it wasn't going to happen again, it was a one time thing that'll be buried six feet underground.


	20. TWENTY

**I** wrote my name on the piece of paper as I folded it up taking a deep breath as I looked at the Fire Chalice. The orange and red flames flaring from it as it stayed cookies down on a certain level. Bursting a little as a name-dropped in it, changing into a pink flame. 

I looked at the piece of paper before I took a step forward, throwing it in as I watched it disappear. I wasn't scared of what was to come, but I was doing it for my mother, I wanted to make her proud, maybe this will do the job. Not only that, but I'd rather be dueling amongst the students and doing dance competitions than dealing with dragons and underwater mermaids. It's not like I was going to battle trying to win student of the year. It was going to be alright. 

Many students came in and out of the Great Hall as they dropped their names into the Chalice, waiting a moment before they disappeared. Bonnie, Amelia, Theo, and Blaise came in and dropped their names as soon as possible. Harry and Ron had left last week to go horcrux hunting again, so they weren't here, I wouldn't expect Harry to take part considering the last one didn't go so well. Hermione had dropped her name as well—I mean I expected her to, she does like to be first in everything. Malfoy had secretly dropped his name earlier as well—he came in when he thought it was clear, but I was lingering around, pacing as I anticipated throwing my name in the Chalice. 

I made my way back to the room as I watched the gloomy sky, as it looked like it was about to rain. The rain, I hated it—more specially despised it. You'd be a special one if I were able to stand under the rain for you without a decent umbrella or protection spell. Alright fine maybe I didn't hate the rain—maybe I just hated the fact that the last time I kissed George was on top of the Burrow, sitting on the rooftop as we talked—we were originally waiting for the sunrise but it ended up raining. Rain kisses. 

I looked on top of my bed as I pushed the curls layering on my face away from my face, taking a clip as I rolled it, clipping it to the back of my head. I turned over to the other side of my bed as I pulled open the side drawer, shuffling through my items as I saw dozens of hair pins, candy wrappers, quills, and the diary. 

The diary I've written in ever since I was a kid—seven to be specific. I've written every single feeling, every moment, every emotion, every friendship, every relationship, every hook up to add to a not so long-lost—I guess that's what happens when you fuck the pain out—as well as every kiss. I've written in many diaries, as there was a collection of them, all bundled together as I added onto it as soon as I finished the others, I guess I had a thing for both writing and reading. 

I've written in this diary every night, especially when something unexpected has happened—every single interaction with him as well, every talk, every argument, and every  _ kiss _ . That is a very weird chapter in this journal considering I've kissed the person I hate the most in this world—well maybe not most, but he was in there somewhere. I don't know how I felt about it, nor do I know what I should do about it. I don't know how I feel, dealing with my emotions wasn't something I had in me,  _ ever _ . I'd rather push them to the back of my head than deal with it, I tried dealing with it, but it made everything twice as worse, so I pretended they didn't exist. Emotions were overrated and stupid and  _ weak _ . 

It's very interesting how emotions are the very thing most people despise, yet it is the only thing that brings you back together. It's like a love and hate relationship between me and my emotions. It only cooperates when it feels like it, and then it just  _ doesn't _ . I've had a saying for a long time that the universe has all its cards against me—which is very true but also very  _ annoying _ . It's like I was in control of my own decisions, yet I wasn't at the same time, sometimes it felt like everything was out of reach and I felt like this object like an empty tin can so hollow yet so many feelings. 

My dad wasn't a huge part of my life, his existence was the reason for most of my problems and I hated it. I hated being so vulnerable and weak. I wanted to be better to feel better to be happier, I didn't want sleep to be escape firm reality anymore I wanted to do more than just nope over the sad pets of myself, I knew some part of me desecrated better than that and the weirdest part about all of this is I did feel  _ alive _ once, with the person I least expected it with.

After that night at the party, I had distanced myself from the population of men. I hated everything about them, how they could be so evil and disgusting and the combination of everything bad that exists. That was mostly the reason for why George and I broke up, it's not like I didn't care about him, I did, a lot. It's just I couldn't stand anything of a relationship at that moment, all I wanted was a break from a reality that wasn't all of this. So we broke up. I'm happy he's with Angelina now, I wish them nothing but the best. 

That night in the common room were all reflected feelings from the inside, I can't even try to deny it if I wanted to. The Veritaserum wouldn't have let me, it would've only made things  _ worse _ . The way his touch was savoring, the way  _ I _ allowed him to touch me,  _ I _ wanted him to touch me. To let his hands roam my body, to explore every inch of it as he kissed me, the taste of his minty breath and scent of his spicy, wood cologne. The way it was so refreshing and inviting, the way it was so alluring and casual, so free. The way I  _ enjoyed _ it, every part of it. 

The way his eyes glittered from the light, making his grey eyes sparkle as he looked into mine. It was so comforting in a way I haven't felt in a way, I didn't want anyone to touch me but  _ him. _ That speaks volumes in some part of my head, but the other denies it, justifying it as just the effect of being a lightweight and the need to fuck the pain out since I hadn't in a long time. 

Maybe he did have redeeming qualities, maybe he was worthy of being saved if the big bad allure he has on his face every time he walks into the room with such confidence as no one could hurt him, not even a paper scratch. But there has to be more than that, something deeper, something more  _ dark? Hidden? Mysterious? _

I never found out why he called out for his mother when he whimpered for her presence in his sleep, as he had a nightmare. Nightmares. I used to have a lot of those from all the trauma that my brain had locked away until it opened up back again, as I allowed it to take over, and who comforted me? Him. 

Then it was me who slept uncomfortably on a couch for him, last year if you told me this, I wouldn't have believed a word of it, but now I do. It's like a weird tangled, deep-rooted, weird connection. As if the universe couldn't hate me anymore. Let the nemesis comfort me and I comfort him. How does that even work? No logical explanation.

I closed my diary as I pulled the drawer again, throwing it back inside as I reminded myself that it was enough emotions to be dealt with in a day. I laid back down on my bed, as night had already approached, today was one of those quiet days when I just felt like wanting it to be by myself and enjoying the peace within me. 

—

"I'm scared but not really, I don't make sense," Amelia's loud voice caught my attention as I sat on the bench, staring at the Chalice as I observed the fiery flames. "Okay I'm totally freaking out."

"We aren't dying Amelia, it's just a competition, you'll be fine, you're smart," I tried to comfort her as from the looks of it I just made her more anxious. Bonnie shook her head in disappointment as she looked down at my failure of trying to bring them both some peace. "What she meant is that don't worry, you'll get in," Bonnie spoke in words that didn't seem  _ too _ different from what I've said. I was just being straightforward. 

"I know for sure I'm getting in, I have the skills," Theodore talked as I laughed to myself. "You failed the recent Potions exam even though it was an open book and I helped you cheat. How does one do that?" I spoke as he looked at me, offended. I raised my brow as I waited for him to continue. 

"That's what he gets for not getting me that keychain from Moscow," Blaise talked as I snorted, looking away trying not to be killed by Theo or letting him shave my cat. "You could get yourself a keychain from Moscow  _ yourself _ ," Theodore talked back as Blaise made a sound, offended at his words. " _ You _ lack teamwork, which is a main part of the competition—"

"You're just jealous of the fact I went to Moscow Blaise, you're just mad. I will not be taking any of this  _ negative _ energy from you," he spoke, distancing himself from Blaise. "You should get an obsidian crystal, it's a protection shield against physical and emotional negativity. I learned from Luna about it when I saw her in the library the other day. She had a loss of different books about crystals and what they could be used for." Amelia expressed as Blaise turned around to look for Luna in the next second as I laughed at his stupidity.

"Not right now Blaise," I laughed as he gave me an offended look for making fun of him. "We'll catch her after this ceremony, right now stay out," I expressed as he collected himself, sending glares towards Theodore. We didn't sit in our regular, rectangular seats like at breakfast but seats that were designed as step seats for the announcement to begin. Malfoy sat on the step below us as he had his head thrown back a little, with his eyes closed as he looked straight back up. 

_ Stop paying attention to him Evelyn, distract yourself. Think of anything but him, such as fall break. No, don't think of fall break. Fall break was all about him and I. Oh god I did not just say "Him and I," I need a minute before I shove my face into a pillow and scream really loudly. Don't think about the fact that you guys hooked up, have kissed each other. His lips were soft. No—no—don't think about his lips, dammit Evelyn. Don't think about anything at all.  _

"It is my great pleasure to be able to announce the participants of this completion and to see who will be student of the year this time," Dumbledore spoke as he interrupted my thoughts. Bonnie clutched onto my arm again as I slightly rubbed the back of her hand, assuring her that it'll be alright. "Now, in the text minute the Chalice will reveal the name of the worthy participants of this race in which we would end of crowning only one person as the winner out of many, so it won't be easy," he spoke as there was a flicker of anxiety filling up my throat, making it unable for me to gulp. 

For the next few seconds, the Chalice stayed in its orange and yellow flames, burning around the edges of it so beautifully as it blasted pink all of a sudden, startling me and a couple of students around me. The pink lasted a couple of seconds as the shade turned into a lilac purple, a folded parchment came out of it, landing on Dumbledore's hand. "The first participant for this competition is," he waited as he read the name. "Bonnie Wright!" He proudly announced her name as Bonnie cried tears of joy, her honey brown eyes becoming glossy as her mascara smudged slightly. 

She hugged me as she walked down the steps, making her way to the crowd of students as the Slytherin's cheered for her. "The next participant is," he waited  _ again _ . "Parvati Patil," he announced as the Gryffindor cheered in for her. He continued to go on as he announced for Hannah Abbott, Padama Patil, Blaise Zabini, Hermione Granger, Amelia Brooks, Ginny Weasley, Draco Malfoy, and Evelyn Young. As Dumbledore announced my name there was a sense of relief in my stomach as I went down the steps and stood next to the competing participants.  _ I did it.  _

"Now, these are the students that'll be taking part in this competition. There are ten students in front of you and one of them will be the student of the year as his or her name will be going into the outstanding trophy wall on the sixth floor," he spoke happily as students took a good look. There was one person from Hufflepuff, three from Gryffindor, four from Slytherin and one from Ravenclaw.  _ Seems about right I guess.  _

"This competition will be based on your points. As each task passes, the points you've earned will decide whether you'll be able to move into the second task within the averaged points you need to do it. A student or two will be eliminated after each task as stated depending on their points, so be wise and careful because each and every technique will matter in this competition, anything you do can decide if you lose or gain that point," Dumbledore expressed the detailing of the rules as everyone listened. Malfoy seemed out of touch with reality as he looked slaves out in a completely different conversation in his head. 

After the other rules were stated by Dumbledore fire the Chalice had disappeared into thin air as students got up and exited the room as they hugged the students who got into the competition of, student of the year.


	21. Twenty-one

"I don't think there's ever going to be a time when I'm not tired in the morning. Wake me up when the professor walks in," Bonnie talked as I shook my head. She was about to lay her head on my shoulder as comfort, but the dance professor had walked in. "Or not," Bonnie groaned as she sat up straight, muttering to herself angrily as I chuckled.

"Alright my lovely students my name is Penelope, it is my greatest pleasure to be the ones preparing you for the dance competition," a lady in a bright purple skirt spoke as she had her dirty brown hair, twisted into a low bun with the help of her wand. "Now keep in mind when I say preparation, I don't mean multiple but only one," she stated as I raised a brow and gave Bonnie and Amelia a look who sat a seat down.

"This completion is purely based off of what your inner ability is, if the professors start helping you along each and every step, it won't be your powers at all, so all of you will just get a teensy bit of heads up before the competition begins," she talked as all eyes of the ten students competing were on her, listening to each one of her words. "Today you'll be sorted with the person you'll be preparing your dance steps with. They'll all be randomized, so you are new to your environment which makes it more efficient to see your hard work and your team work skills."

As she finished her sentence, ten random students walked in together, forming a line next to each other as the room went silent. "Each participant will be assigned with the students in front of you, so get used to an uneasy feeling already," she spoke as some students were already familiar to me. "Blaise Zabini you'll be assigned with Luna Lovegood, Draco Malfoy will be assigned with Susan Bones, Hermione Granger will be assigned with Zacharias Smith, Bonnie Wright will be assigned with Michael Corner, Amelia Brooks will be assigned with Neville Longbottom, Hannah Abott will be assigned with Dean Thomas, Padama Patil will be assigned with Seamus Finnigan, Parvati Patil will be assigned with Theodore Nott, Ginny Weasley will be assigned with Adrian Pucey, and lastly Evelyn Young will be assigned with Cormac McLaggen," she spoke as my eyes widened at the fact that McLaggen was going to be my partner, this was my doom. I put on a fake smile as we all stood up and stood in front of our partners and McLaggen continued to creepily smile at me. I found it hilarious that Malfoy was paired with a Hufflepuff, they'd be an interesting duo as the rest of us were slightly comfortable at the thought we knew a few people around us.

"Now keep in mind, you'll be practicing your dances with your partners for the competition and if either of you fail to show up, it'll impact both of you and a possible elimination from the competition," she spoke as I wanted to chokehold the universe for pairing with me McLaggen, it's alright I got this. "Alright now, one hand on each other's shoulder and the other on each other's waist," she explained as we all took a step forward, bowing before we did as she talked.

"McLaggan, the professor said hands on my waist not my thighs," I spoke as he looked down at his hand position. "Forgive me Evelyn, I didn't realize, I was too busy looking at your eyes," he talked in a flirty tone.

"If you're trying to flirt with someone the least you can do is put on some nice perfume and use better pickup lines McLaggan and besides those don't work on me so don't even try anything," I spoke as he cleared his throat to think of saying something else. "You're very high-spirited, it's attractive," he took his second attempt to flirt with me as I practically rolled my eyes to look towards the other contestants as they were doing perfectly fine except for one, Malfoy.

I watched as the Hufflepuff girl struggled to work with Malfoy. She was more annoyed by the fact she was paired with him than the fact he was in Slytherin. They practically bickered as to where their hand placements are as his annoyance made me chuckle, the professor continued to instruct us on how to work with our assigned partners.

"Now to change it up a little we'll mix you guys around with each other for fun since that's what dance is mostly about besides the competition involved," Penelope spoke as we all moved away from each other, letting out a sense of relief that we weren't touching each other anymore. "Since all the partners are unfamiliar, it's a little awkward, so I'll mix you guys around with other pairings to feel comfortable," she gestured as we all faced her direction, waiting for further directions.

"Why don't you go with her," she pointed at Theodore to move towards Bonnie. "Mr. Zabini you can go with Ms. Brooks, Ginny Weasley with Dean Thomas," she continued to assign pairs as each of them went one by one to the middle floor. I continued to talk with Bonnie by mouthing words as the Professor called out by name. "Ms. Young you can go on with Mr. Malfoy."

I dragged my eyes to meet hers as she gestured to us to move towards the main floor, not wanting to waste any more time since we hadn't had much left. I nodded as I looked towards Malfoy who obviously looked completely oblivious of what was happening. "If you're done daydreaming, we're partnered up," I spoke in a loud enough tone for him as he snapped out of his thoughts, just simply nodding as it sort of left me—confused. We walked up to the main floor as I hesitated before taking his hand into mine remembering what happened last time I touched him.

"I don't bite," he spoke in a tone just enough for me to hear, "unless you ask for it." I rolled my eyes at his childish commentary as I took his hand, intertwining it with mine. He placed his hand on my waist as I took an unnoticed sharp intake of breath, placing my left hand on his shoulder blade. "She said to take the step forward and backward method," I spoke as I looked up at him. His relentlessly cold stare filled with every type of emotion as it shuts off with contact. His eyes were like the fog on a winding road, they were deep—filled with lustrous darkness, his cold hands sending a piercing sensation as I felt his icy rings colliding with mine.

He did the opposite of what Professor Penelope had told us to do, I narrowed my brows at his technique. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but this isn't what we're—" I was cut off as he twirled me around within a second bringing me back to him, closer than before. "I know what I'm doing Young I don't need lessons from a second hand teacher. Father—I was taught all these techniques since I was little," he hesitated between his words as I felt the closeness of his body to mine, almost feeling his heart thrumming as he looked at me. I noticed his face was paler than before, his eyes being tired. It wasn't the type of tired from schoolwork or overwork but something else as there were rings of shadowed bags of exhaustion.

"Give me a reason on why I should trust you?" I asked as he breathed, pulling me further back as he twirled me away, pulling me back as his right hand was on my waist again. "I've given you plenty of reasons but you're right, why should you trust me?" he whispered as if it would be a crime for anyone else to listen to his words.

I narrowed my eyes as I looked at him, trying to get an answer as I slightly raised my head to level with him. He wasn't lying, there were multiple occasions on things I've entrusted him with things that run deeper than a dance competition. "It's not like I have a choice," I confess as he slightly chuckled, trying to make it go unnoticed as I tore my eyes away from his face, so my mind stops wanting to learn every part of his.

We went by his technique a couple of times as I picked up on a few of his steps, the way he was a left-handed person, the way he was so elegant and clean with his steps. His focus face was entertaining to look at as I watched him struggle a couple of times here and there when he lost track. "Maybe you're not so bad at dancing Young," he spoke as I let out a scoff looking at him. "Why thank you, Malfoy, very generous of you," I held a sarcastic smile as his eyes trailed all over my face, observing.

He took my hand as we moved forward, almost colliding with the person behind us. I stopped backward as we stood balanced according to the professors instructions. We went over it a couple of times again as he did the sudden twirl again, I caught onto it, feeling his hand above me as he was on the last twirl the other way around as he slowly moved forward with each step, balancing me. He pulled me in as I dived backwards with him placing a hand on my lower back, allowing my body to not directly fall into the floor. My right hand catching into his shoulder as we stood in a position, his face close to him as his eyes blinked.

I could've sworn if we stayed like a couple more minutes I could've known the entire structure of his face, the way his jaw was defined, his smooth cheeks—a slight peach tint when he smiled. The way his eyes glinted as light reflected upon it. He pulled me back up as my eyes stayed fixed onto him as they trailed off to the people surrounding us that were focused on getting comfortable. My eyes met Amelia as Blaise was speaking to her—she gave me a smile as I raised a brow at her sudden mischievous smirk.

"Alright students," the professor spoke as we all moved away from each other, facing her way as the conversations died down. "Unfortunately our time is up now, from what I've seen and observed by watching you guys, you've been doing great and absolutely amazing, some still need work, but everything is possible," her soft tone once spoke as we all slightly shook our heads.

"It's been a great pleasure accompanying you guys practice, you'll be now practicing along with your assigned partners from the first pairing and getting ready for the semi-finale," her words were comforting but still scary as anxiety ran through me at the thought of messing up in front of hundreds and thousands of people. "I'll see you guys there, you're dismissed have a splendid day," everyone began packing up as she was mid-sentence allowing her to pick up her things and exit the room.

Bonnie waved as she left with Theodore to talk over their dinner plan as I walked over to Amelia. "I can't tell if I'm excited or extremely scared for what's to come," I spoke as she agreed by shaking her head. "I'm terrified, but I guess that's what makes us stronger? I don't know wise words from Professor Dumbledore," she laughed as I joined her. "So you and Malfoy—"

"We were just dancing Amelia, just like you and Blaise and everyone else around us," I corrected her as she rolled her eyes at my comment. "Hmm, so when I can meet Mathew, the Hufflepuff dude that was responsible for basically marking your pretty little neck," she joked around as I turned my head to wonder who I was friends with for a minute. "That isn't going to happen."

"What? You've got to be kidding me, I want to meet the very mysterious Hufflepuff Evelyn. Where are you hiding him?" She questioned me as I thought to myself that I had no clue of an existence of a Hufflepuff named Mathew. "Or maybe you're lying because I did my research and there are no Mathews in Hufflepuff," she smiled as I blinked, completely confused. "The first thing I did was look for that certain Hufflepuff, but apparently he doesn't exist, doesn't that seem suspicious Evelyn? Hm?"

"Even more suspicious that you came back to Hogwarts earlier than everyone. I know that because I was supposed to assist a guy named Elliot since I'm part of the Hogwarts prefect team," as she spoke my head shot up at the name Elliot. I didn't think I'd ever hear his name again as she talked about how she was supposed to help him. Not only that, but I couldn't help but think if I hadn't come back earlier he would have hurt her like he hurt me. I felt my hands begin to sweat slightly as my brain felt slightly dizzy at the mention of his hideous presence.

"Amelia I may have gotten the name mixed up, don't take it too seriously. It was just a one-night stand type of thing, and it isn't going to ever happen again, ever. So there's no need for formal introductions," I spoke at a fast rate as words just blurted out of my mouth as her face dropped. "I'm sorry it's just it didn't mean anything," I apologized as her lips formed onto a thin line giving me an apologetic look.

"You know if you ever, and I mean ever need to talk about anything no matter who the person is I'm here for you Eve. I know we only met a handful months ago, but time doesn't matter, what matters is I love you, and I'm always here," as she finished her sentence I pulled her into a hug bringing comfort to the both of us as I restrained myself from wanting to break down and spill every single thing.

"C'mon we'll be late for Herbology lessons," I spoke as she nodded her head.


	22. Twenty-Two

"That was intense," Amelia said as my face was concerned about Hermione's whereabouts. She hadn't shown up to the Herbology practice class for the Tournament, and it worried me knowing she was Hermione and wouldn't miss it unless something awful had happened. "Evelyn?" I spaced out of my thoughts as Amelia's voice interrupted my thoughts. "Did you hear anything I just said? Are you alright?"

"Yeah—um—I'm fine just worried about Hermione, she hadn't shown up to the practice, she wouldn't do that unless something terrible happened, Amelia," I spoke as she looked down trying to connect some pieces in her head as for what I meant. "I think I'm going to go look for her, I'll meet you back at the common room, it's getting late as well," I assured her as she gave me a good luck smile and walked away.

I was barely paying attention to anything that was happening in herbology and as to whatever Professor Sprout was talking about. It didn't matter to me because I could just ask Neville later since he was assisting her during our lessons. I walked around Hogwarts completely stressed as I reached and opened the door to the library, I searched every corner of that library, yet she was nowhere to be found. I turned around as I made my way to Gryffindor common room.

Students weren't really allowed from other houses to go into another common room, but even Dumbledore knew that those weren't followed because teenagers and everything, wrapped up in cream sheets as they were just being themselves. The Gryffindor common room was located on the seventh floor as I quickly went up the moving staircases trying not to fall off it as I rushed.

The Fat Lady, shit.

I had heard rumors that the Gryffindor room was the hardest to get into if you were from another house, but she wasn't easy on her own pupils either, as she would try to show them how she would break a glass through her voice, interesting. She had her eyes closed and calmly snoring as I looked at her, my brows slightly narrowing as my mouth twitched at the fact that I had no idea how to get in without waking her up.

What could the password possibly be as I thought to myself, hiding in the tiny corner trying not let the Fat Lady sense my presence. Bravery? Lion? Tapeworms? No. Fortuna Major? Maybe, but I can't take any risks. Think, think, think Evelyn, you've come here multiple times, should've paid attention. Shit, what if something bad happened to them? No, clear your head, positive thoughts. Fuck.

I'm pretty sure everyone had a list of people they cared about, people they wanted to keep safe. It's a list that practically shows where you stand in life, I had one too. My list was created in my head to know who I needed to protect if something went down, ready to do anything for them. There were the people I loved, cared for, would die for, and I'm pretty sure everyone has the list.

Caput Draconis, that's the password. Well at least overthinking gets you answers.

I took a deep breath before taking a step forward as I felt a hand grip my shoulders and pull me back. An unaware hand pulling me back didn't always work out well for me at the end, so I jerked away as Harry shifted in front of me, telling me to stay quiet as raised a question in my head.

"Come with me," he whispered so low that I could barely hear it. He directed me towards the other end of the hallway as we went down the moving stairs, trying not to fall off of it. He looked both ways before turning as it sort of creeped me out, but I tried not to react. I've never seen Harry like this, so it was concerning how delicate he was acting currently. "Harry—" He placed his index finger on top of his light pink lips as he told me to stay quiet, concerning me even more than I originally was.

We turned the other corner as he pulled me to walk along him and looked the other way in front of us as he pushed open a door to a dark room. We entered as he let go of my hand and as soon as I blinked the lights were on, Vanishing Charm. This was one of my favorite tricks because it could be used during the day by the help of any light source to disappear and make everything look dark.

With a blink of an eye, I saw Hermione and Ron in front of me as she was patching up his arm with the spell I had used on Malfoy months ago when he punched that guy, an eventful night I'll say. "Can I speak now or will be shushed again?" I asked as Harry rolled his eyes in sarcasm nodding yes. "Thank god."

"I couldn't let anyone hear us or the Fat Lady, so we had to be as discreet as possible, I didn't mean to be a scare, but I couldn't risk it and Hermione mentioned that you were sorting it out with her about the Horcruxes, so I brought you here," he emphasized as I looked at Hermione, we had only met once sorting out an entire theory as we barely touched the surfaces, it was merely a scratch. "Can you help us or not?" He questioned as I felt pressured into being here in the first place knowing I only came looking for Hermione.

"What do you need, Harry? And why is Hermione patching up Ron?" I questioned them as Ron raised his arm, stretching it a little to feel comfortable around the multiple bandages Hermione had applied on him. "It was a Horcrux accident, the sword was acting weird, and it cut me," he lowered his tone by each word towards the end as if he was surprised by what had happened as well.

"The Gryffindor Sword?" I asked as she nodded his head, moving his eyes to the sword that was laying on the table beside them as the sword shined from the reflection of the light, reflecting on the ceiling creating colors. An incomplete rainbow, interesting. "How can the sword that belongs to your house attack its own? That sounds like complete crap Ronald," I crooked my head to the side slightly as I looked at him, waiting for an answer but by the looks on their faces they weren't sure either.

"I don't know the reason for it either Evelyn so don't wait on me to answer the questions you have for me because that's why we brought you here—well Harry did since Hermione had mentioned about only talking it over you, she trusts you," he spoke as he found a way to earn some sort of trust between the four of us. "Will you help us out?" He asked as I slightly bit on my bottom lip debating, it was merely a second but felt like an eternity on my shoulders, getting along with the things the golden trio was involved with never ended right, but I'll flip the coin and take my chances.

"I will," I responded shaking my head slightly. "I'll help you guys as long as everything stays between us, I don't anyone else involved especially Bonnie," I spoke as they nodded their heads gently. Hermione moved away from Ron giving a soft smile as she walked towards me, leaving Ron and Harry to talk.

"Thank you for helping Evelyn, I insisted to Harry that I was capable of doing it myself but he didn't want to overload me too much so your name came up, I hope that's okay," I could've felt the tears burning in the back of her head as she spoke to me, Hermione didn't want any of this, you could see the tired wrinkles on the edges of her eyes as she looked terribly exhausted. It looked like all she wanted was one day where she didn't have to deal with either of these, a day where didn't have to prove her worth as a witch.

"Hermione I'd love to help you out, as well as the fact that we make a great team," I smiled as her eyes glinted by my comment, I wish I could hug her, show her some vulnerability but emotions were for the weak and I wasn't in that category, I think. "So what are we working on exactly, may I ask?"

"We have been trying to figure out for the past hour on how to figure out what could possibly have caused the sword to attack Ron instead of the Horcrux," she spoke as I lifted a brow at the fact whether the Horcrux was destroyed or not. "Wait was the—"

"Yes it was, which makes it even more confusing, you could say," she responded as I slightly nodded my head trying to jot down the notes in my head and understand her perspective. "So the sword destroyed the Horcrux and attacked Ron, talking about being bipolar I guess," I responded at which she formed her lips into a thin lip, biting at them slightly as she tried to put one and one together, it's like I could feel her pressure.

I looked down at the sword as my hand tingles at the fact of wanting to touch it, understand it more? I stretched out my hand faintly as it was about to touch the sharp blade of the Gryffindor sword when Hermione jerked my hand away. "Don't touch it, we don't know if it's still harmful or not," she defended herself as I rolled my eyes looking back at the sword.

I looked back up at the ceiling reflection at the incomplete rainbow, it's like a missing puzzle piece. A puzzle piece, a puzzle piece, a puzzle piece, a missing piece of the puzzle, it's incomplete. The sword is incomplete? It would explain the attack on Ron but doesn't explain why it did it. Was Ron not the right person to take a hold of the sword? Was he cursed? Jinxed? Puzzle piece. My eyes roamed at the notes laying on the desk besides the sword.

The stone-cold table as we all stood in an empty abandoned classroom, hearing the slight whimpers from Ron, whispers from Harry, and it's like I could feel Hermione's brain talking to itself as I was to myself, can she hear mine too? Evelyn, stay focused. Puzzle piece. That's a good theory, could the sword be incomplete?

My eyes stayed glued to the notes as it wandered back to the sword, hmm. The sword was fashioned from pure silver, with rubies, the stone that represents in the hour-glasses that count the house points at Hogwarts. Godric Gryffindor's name is engraved just beneath the hilt of it. Pure silver, hour-glass, rubies. No. There's only two out of two things here, where is the largest, the main part of the ruby?

My eyes narrowed as I quite literally grabbed the notes with the description reading it all over as it stunned Hermione. "What happened?" She asked as I raised my finger, asking for a minute as I concentrated on what I was reading, the ruby stone. "Harry?" I called out his name as he looked up. "Did the sword ever have a huge big ruby in the middle of it?" I asked as he raised a question but the features on his face.

"I don't think so, from what I remember, why?" He questioned as I chewed my inner cheek, going for the sword as Hermione's eyes widened. "It's all good," I spoke as the sword had no reaction, that was a close call. "Look at these pages, it has the description of the sword's physical appearance and things talking about how goblins created it, but the very important part is the picture," I pointed at it as he looked at me for answers. "If you pay close attention, the sword in the picture has a huge ruby in the front of it, yet this one doesn't. Doesn't that seem suspicious to you?"

"So you think the missing ruby could be the cause of why Ron was attacked?" Hermione questioned me as I nodded my head but at the same I wasn't sure of my observation just yet. "You've been using this sword to destroy Horcruxes as we all know the fact that they absorb emotions to be more powerful, though You-Know-Who hasn't reacted to any of it, don't you think that's a bit suspicious Harry?" I asked him to rub his forehead at the fact that these past few months all their work could've gone to waste.

"So what you're trying to say is the missing ruby could be the reason why the Horcruxes aren't being destroyed though they are being vanished in some sort of way which is a question that still stands?" Hermione continued my theory as I nodded yes at their comment. "So these few bloody months we have been doing this for no reason? We have been wasting our time?" Ron's angry voice roared from the back as he clutched onto his arm, letting out a slight whimper in pain.

"Ron, I don't think it was all for nothing—"Hermione spoke as before she could barely finish her sentence, Ron had walked out the room mumbling something to himself, her almost running after him. "Hermione, don't. He's just angry, it's fine. I would be too," I softly spoke as she dropped her head looking to the side a bit, mad at everything around her. "I just have to see if he's alright."

"What was the Horcrux you destroyed?" I asked as Harry looked up at me. "We destroyed Helga's Hufflepuff Cup," he spoke in a low tone as if he wasn't satisfied with what had happened. "Hufflepuff Cup? Should I even be questioning as to why a Hufflepuff cup was a Horcrux of You-Know-Who?"

"It was passed onto Hepzibah Smith though Tom had found a way to create a fake memory and embed it into her elf Hokey's mind to make it look like it was she who murdered her, but it was really Tom and with her death he was able to make the cup into a Horcrux," he spoke as it made my mind wander to multiple different theories. "So if the Salazar Slytherin Locket could be a Horcux as well as the Helga's Hufflepuff Cup, doesn't that mean that something from the Gryffindor house could be a Horcrux by any chance Harry?"

"Well that's a possibility since the diadem belonged to Ravenclaw, the cup belonged to Hufflepuff, and the locket belonged to Slytherin, it's surely a possibility but why would Tom place something so precious of his onto the hands of a Gryffindor?" He explained himself as his answers just made my theories clearer.

"Well why wouldn't he? It would be smart if you think about it, a Horcrux from each house, the four founders of Hogwarts, that would make it even more possible, so why wouldn't he do it? If I see it this way, You-Know-Who is smart, he would definitely place a Horcrux in Gryffindor if he wanted to, because you wouldn't expect a Horcrux in your house, would you? That's the last place you would look, which makes it better for him."

"That's actually incredibly fucking smart Evelyn, so you think the ruby could be a Gryffindor Horcrux?" He asked as I shook my head quickly. "It would all make sense, well some of it except for the fact why Ron was attacked but besides that, it makes sense. The ruby could possibly be your next Horcrux."

"From Dumbledore's memory, Tom believed in number seven being a powerful number, I believe there are seven, and we have destroyed four of them, the locket, the diadem, the cup, the diary, and the ring. The ruby being possibly the next one, which leaves with one left." He spoke in a relief but stressed tone as I agreed with him. "That still doesn't explain why Tom wouldn't react to all of these Horcruxes being destroyed."

"We've come this far, I'm sure we'll be able to figure it out Harry. Now you've got me on your team, I think we can have so much fun together," I spoke in a sarcastic tone as he laughed a bit, I haven't heard Harry laugh in ages, so it made me happy that I was able to put a smile on his face even though it was temporary.

The Slytherin was always cold, but what made it so intriguing that it felt like warmth, a sense of comfort in a way, well I did spend about six years in this castle. The frames all over the walls snoring as the lights were dim, the gloominess of the common room giving it a dark aesthetic as I walked in step by step, feeling the cold stones around me as I walked onto the carpeted floor and beautiful vases and decoration pieces of the Slytherin houses surrounding the corners of the wall.

I remember leaving my book I left on the table last night as I fell asleep on the couch, being taken up by Amelia later as I woke up in bed early morning. I walked over to the couch as my eyes glistened over to the person sleeping on the couch so soundlessly, no noise just peace and calm. His skin gleaming at night yet so pale as if he hadn't slept or eaten in days, dark rims under his eyes as his platinum blonde messily sided to the left, it has always been left since first year, hilarious.

Still in his school clothes, with his robes thrown onto the other couch as he was sleeping with the cackling sound coming from the fireplace. My eyes blinked slowly as I looked at him, almost memorizing him as he couldn't interfere with my thoughts because he was asleep, my thoughts slow as a beautiful circling carousel, each dancing as ribbons from a kite string that reaches for the sky, just looking at him. I grabbed a duvet from below the table as I opened it up fully, laying it on top of him as I could sense his body shivering from the cold.

I tucked in all sides slowly not letting him know my presence as I bent down, almost near his face as I had a closer look of him, the way his long lashes rested on his face, the color of his pink lips, his smooth pale skin, as his chest rose up and down from his breathing. My hand almost twitched at the fact of wanting to trace the shells of his ear, to his sharp jaw, as my hands stroked his cheek, it was all just curiosity after all or a list growing.

Little did I know he was awake.


	23. TWENTY-THREE

“ **Do** you think Snape will forever stay single?” Bonnie murmured as I looked up from the junk of notes in my hand, staring at her questionably as I tried to figure out her motives. “Like do you think he’ll forever stay broody and like ‘ _ love is shit _ ’ type of person and never move on from his past lovers and then become a weird pedophile then live with a bunch of cats and die alone?”

“Bonnie, should I be concerned?” I asked as my eyes visibly got bigger, as her words went on and on about the wellbeing of Professor Snape and his very  _ lonely  _ love life that I had no interest in. “Do you think Dumbledore and Snape got together? Like ever? They’re like  _ always _ together, like an undercover gay couple with a very straight personality. Know what I mean?”

“No, I’m not even sure if I want to know at this point,” I looked down at my Defense against the Dark Arts notes again from our practice class for the tournament that had just ended five minutes ago. The class was exactly twenty-five minutes, but it felt like it went on for hours and hours as Snape talked about each and every rule, the penalty for breaking them, what could happen if you do break them all, being eliminated and everything blah blah blah, very boring in general. 

“I mean c’mon think about it, have you ever seen Dumbledore anyone but Snape? Even Hagrid had a girlfriend or fling, whatever you want to call it. That very tall lady, that had short brown hair and used very dark lipstick, during our fourth year, remember?”

“Madame Olympe Maxime you mean? She came during the Triwizard Tournament to Hogwarts. She’s the headmistress of the Beauxbâtons,” I completed her sentence as she nodded her head. “I mean Hagrid is well Hagrid though I still don’t understand where you got Snape and Dumbledore from Bonnie,'' I playfully rolled my eyes as I let out a dry laugh at her thoughts. 

“I’m pretty sure I am not the only one who thought of it, you’d surprise how many people agree with me,” she leaned in towards her finishing sentence as she creepily looked at me, nodding her head as she justified her Snape and Dumbledore romance.

“I’d love to continue talking about your very  _ interesting  _ theories on the very forbidden love between Snape and Dumbledore, but we have transfiguration practice for the tournament in thirty minutes so unless you want to starve the rest of the day, I say we get some waffles with strawberries,” I spoke, putting the cluttering mess of notes in my hand away and practically shoving them into my handbag as I decided to leave the mess the clean for later at my dorm room tonight. 

The Great Hall was full of chattering students as always, people going in and out continuously as food was served. There were all types of students in here, the ones doing homework in a playful environment, the one trying and blowing up spells, the ones that were just eating and talking with their friends, and then there were those couples who would be eating each other instead of the delicious waffles in front of them. 

“Suddenly I’m starving and turns out we’re not the only ones here,” Bonnie happily cheered as she quickly walked over to the Slytherin table as Blaise cut into a French toast. “Blaise what a lovely surprise, I haven’t seen you in days,” I spoke as I sat down at the breakfast table, placing my notes next to me as I let out a small sigh of joy—being able to rest. 

“The practices have been weirdly overwhelming, so you can’t blame me for practicing, doing work, and then knocking out, it’s like a routine now—very exhausting,” he spoke as he took a deep breath looking up at me, lazily blinking. “I can agree with that, Snape talked for twenty-five minutes which felt like twenty-five hours and then Bonnie made a whole forbidden romance novel.”

“Hell yeah, Snape and Dumbledore is the forbidden romance we all love, tell me not, am I lying?” She questioned as Blaise raised an eyebrow at me and I kept myself from laughing.

“I am not onto this, this is all Bonnie ever since we left class,” I shook my head as Blaise looked back and forth between Bonnie and I, trying to figure out which one of us is kidding. “I swear, this one isn’t on me.”

“Last time you said Snape and McGonagall were hooking up, may I remind you,” Blaise spoke as my lips parted to speak, but I looked down, rolling my eyes back to putting food on my plate. “That’s what I thought, turned out McGonagall was just gay,” He took a bite out of his sandwich as I gave him a look.

“You were in on it with me Blaise, don’t play the innocent guy here,” I pointed him out as he raised his hands in defense, making Bonnie laugh as she picked up a glass of water. “Can we go back to Snape and Dumbledore though? You can’t tell me there isn’t any  _ chemistry, _ ” She sipped her water as I gave her a side eye, shaking my head. 

“Oh please, Dumbledore is definitely gay, even Hagrid has a girl, and he doesn’t, that says a lot doesn’t it?” I questioned her as she shook her head slightly but still held her ground. “They’ll get together, just watch,” she spoke in a threatening voice as Blaise and I chuckled at her comment. 

“She’s lost it Blaise,” I spoke as Bonnie’s jaw dropped in offense. “She has lost it,” I whispered to him as she gently smacked my arm as I backed away. “I have not, you’re mad because they got their forbidden romance.”

“But I don’t—”

“Yes we are aware with your rivalry with the universe and love Evelyn, but still imagine having a forbidden love, where the touch is supposed to be lethal, yet it feels so good and everything about it is comforting, it’s so forbidden yet so addicting,” Bonnie expressed as I looked at her, everything coming out of her mouth sounded exciting, adventurous,  _ addicting.  _

“Okay just a little, I will agree with that, but those are fantasy fairy tales, those aren’t real Bonnie, I don’t mean to burst your little bubble,” I gave her an apologetic look as she took a deep breath. “You’re not bursting my bubble Evelyn, but sometimes I do worry that your detachment with just love itself will ruin something good in your life, love can be anything, doesn’t have to be with only the depiction of romance.” 

“Such as loving food,” Blaise spoke as I looked his way as he stuffed a strawberry filled biscuit in his mouth, mocking the goodness of it. “It can be your friends too Evelyn,” Bonnie spoke as she looked at me with small little puppy dog eyes muttering how she loves me, making me smile.

“I do love you guys, but when has love not been a pain in the ass?”

“Nothing is without its hardships Eve, hardships test your patience and your stability to see if you can fight through them, trust me I know the pain,” Bonnie sighed as she peeled her oranges, putting a piece in her mouth as she looked down at her plate leaving me to overthink to myself, and every problem I have faced. Did I not have enough patience? Did I not love or care about them enough? Was I not enough for them?

“You just made this lunch very depressing for no reason Bonnie, anyways have you guys seen Lovegood’s meditation crystals, she gave me a few, and it helps me sleep at night with, so I don’t walk around like a ghost at night,” Blaise talked as Bonnie suddenly got up, starling the both of us. “Shit, I was supposed to meet Theo like five minutes ago, I love you guys, I’ll see you Eve,” she spoke as she hurried out of the Great Hall, throwing her cardigan on, and she collected her books. 

“Back to you Blaise,” I spoke as my attention diverted back to the man who continued eating strawberry biscuits. “Lovegood has these really amazing crystals, it’s like magic—that did not add up, but I mean actual magic, I have sleeping issues, so I asked ever since that day you guys told me about it at the Fire Chalice ceremony.” 

“Hmm, do these actually work, I stay up some nights as well but the potions I’ve tried barely work, they were effective the first few hours, but that’s all,” I talked as he went into his pocket calmly, shuffling through it as I heard a glass clinking sound. “Here.”

“Lilac colored crystals, pretty,” my voice sounded amazed as I picked up a crystal from his hand, bringing it up in the sun as it reflected, looking pretty. “You can take that one, I got another for myself and Malfoy, so I have enough for my use,” he spoke as he put the rest back in his pocket, but my mind hasn't processed what he said. Why would Malfoy need these crystals—the nightmares. 

“Malfoy?” I questioned as his lips twitched, his eyes blinking as he moved his plate away from him. “It’s for the nightmares isn’t it?” I asked as he narrowed his eyes looking at me, questioning from the lines and expressions in his face. 

“How did  _ you _ know about his nightmares?” He questioned me as I pushed my plate away as well, crossing my arms as I leaned on the table, looking up. “I may have been at the scene when he had a nightmare and I may have tried to be a nice person and did what a nice person would do and help the person who was having a nightmare on the Slytherin common room couch?” 

“You’re talking the way you talk when you’re nervous and hiding something and most likely did something you weren’t really supposed to do before I figure it out, you better start talking Evelyn,” He talked in a fast tone as I gulped, nervously smiling as I pushed my hair back consciously but pulled it front again as I reminded myself that my face looks weird when my hair is behind my hair, and I am currently talking to myself in my head—great. 

“I’m  _ not _ hiding anything, what? I just happened to be there when he was having one,” I pushed my tongue against my bottom teeth as he looked at me not believing a word I said. “When was this exactly?” 

“It was um—you know—it was on uh—I mean—”

“You’re being a real annoying bitch right now, you know that?” He stared at me as I smiled knowing this was a character, so I decided to have my little fun time. “Fine it was over fall break.” 

“Weren’t you at your mothers house—you stayed didn’t you?” He asked as I but my bottom lip refraining my face from shaking an emotion that would allow him to think anything different. “Malfoy stayed as well.” 

“Yes he did,” I looked down at my plate as I picked up the spoon, pretending to eat the food on my plate as I fiddled with it in my hand. I looked back up as Blaise looked hysterically at me, waiting for me to continue. “Okay fine, I came back from my mothers house the very next day because honestly the whole day was very annoying, and she was a bitch, but that's a story for another time though I returned to Malfoy staying as well and it was all going pretty good, and calmly until his very drunk self kissed me and well—anyways that happened and then there were  _ weird _ and  _ interesting  _ moments and then things that don’t matter happened and then boom nightmare situation.” 

“You lost me after the fact that he kissed you, you’re going to need to re-explain that to me because holy shit,” he exclaimed as he smiled in interest, poking his tongue to the inside of his cheek as he looked at me to continue. I looked back at him, mad at him but mostly myself to provoking this in the first place. “It was just kisses, no big deal Blaise.”

“Kisses? Plural? Multiple times? Aren’t you guys supposed to hate each other, and then I find out that you’re kissing—did you guys sleep together?” He questioned as my face completely dropped looking at him as my jaw stayed dropped, and my eyes blinking out of confusion and just blinking. “No—what—why would you assume that? Have you slept with every girl you’ve kissed?”

“Well if you’re asking me about it then I’ll tell you, yes I have,” he spoke as the corners of my mouth slightly frowned, well shit. “You know I don’t do relationships, not ever since Pansy from fourth year.”

“Yeah that one fucked you up, didn't it? I mean thinking about it, she quite literally moved to another school, I believe she’s in the wizarding school of Braewelth, in New Zealand,” I spoke as I poured myself a glass of water, hearing the glass fill up as Blaise began eating the peeled orange Bonnie left. “Yeah I’m aware, we exchanged letters in the beginning of her move, but it slowly got awkward, and we stopped sending them, well I didn’t send it back, it wasn’t worth it.”

“I’m sorry you went through that Blaise, but it has been two years since that has happened. Don’t you think it’s maybe time to move on from  _ her _ , you deserve better and so does she, maybe you were meant to meet, talk, date but not meant to stay in love forever? I mean nothing lasts forever, there’s an end to everything in the world, things aren’t worth moping over for too long because then you look back at all the time you wasted when you should’ve been living.” 

“But I’m not sure if I want to fall in love with someone just yet or be in a relationship,” he spoke, I looked up at him wanting to hug him as I pulled my hand forward and put it on top of him, slightly caressing the back of his hand with my thumb.

“Blaise, I’m not saying to pick a girl from a sea of fish and fall in love with her or anyone you’re thinking of, I’m saying is to live life by going out, focusing on yourself, this tournament we’re in and just being better for yourself, not just for someone else. Fall in love with yourself.”

“Evelyn Young giving the speech of love, mark this day on the fucking calendar, what’s got you so giddy and therapeutic like,” he asked as I chuckled, looking away from him to hide my smile. “I’m being serious and like you said love isn’t only about romantic relationships, it can be anything, so why not fall in love with yourself?” 

“Why don’t we go ice skating, we can go at the end of the month? A little so-called  _ self-love  _ genre we have going on right now,” he proposed. “That actually sounds like a really fantastic idea, but just so you know I suck at ice skating.”

“Well you can always ask Malfoy for help,” he mocked the voice in his head as I tilted my head a little as I looked at him, observing him as I eyed him. “Blaise—I know what you’re doing, don’t even try to defend yourself—”

“I’m not doing anything—”

“I know what you’re doing, I already told you, there is nothing between Malfoy and I, he can kindly drown, and I hate him, so this stops her,” I was talking as he looked behind me, making me regret any words that just came out of my mouth as I looked up. “Amelia.” 

“I knew it, I was so right, I’ve been saying this since the first time I met you and saw Malfoy and you together, I was so right, I am quite literally a genius,” Amelia talked as I formed my lips into a thin line, inhaling and exhaling quietly as I eyed Blaise because he knew that she was there, and he still let me continue and talk about Malfoy, son of a bitch. “So spill, before I make you Evelyn.”

“There’s nothing to spill—”

“Malfoy and Evelyn kissed  _ multiple _ times, there's that,” Blaise interrupted me as I looked up at him, giving a look that said  _ I’m about to kill you if you say anything else.  _ “Also the fact—”

“Blaise if you continue—”

“No, let him continue,” Amelia shut me down as she faced Blaise again. “Blaise I’d check your surroundings at all times if I were you,” I smiled as he blinked—fearing his life just a little at that moment as I leaned forward.

“I know what you’re doing, you’re trying to scare me, you did that during the first year when you stole Pansy’s doll because she bothered you,” he called me out as I felt offended, my mouth dropping at his words as Amelia let out a laugh. “Oh please this is like sibling rivalry and I just love being the one watching and eating popcorn, though Blaise you’ll have my protection, please do continue, I’m pretty these two dolls have slept together,” she looked at me as I raised a brow. “ _ Fall break, _ ” she whispered to me, winking as she looked back at Blaise, playing with the ends of her long blonde hair.  _ It is always the blonde ones.  _

“Nor will I ever or have slept with a particular blonde man you’re referring so if the tea cup party is over, I shall remind you of the fact that we have transfiguration practice of the tournament that starts next week so the clock is ticking, get up,” I spoke collecting my notes as Blaise gulped down a chug of water, Amelia throwing in some pieces of blueberries in her mouth as we got up. “I hate practices at this very moment,” she huffed, as we all made our way to get out of the Great Hall. 

“We’re starting right away students, there is so much to learn and the twenty-five minutes we have will cover up all of it. Transfiguration is a very interesting and intriguing course and as we all know it isn’t the easiest, it’s particularly very hard turning something into something else, of course it’s very difficult,” McGonagall spoke as all ten students participating in the tournament, had all eyes on her, listening and picking up on everything she was saying, not wanting to miss out on anything at all. 

“What could be so difficult about turning one thing to another, it’s quite simple really,” a raspy voice came from down the table as I turned my face to look at Malfoy, tapping his fingers against the table as he faced the professor. “Mr. Malfoy, very generous of you to share your opinion among us, but it isn’t as easy as you think it is, why don’t you come up and show us how to do a bird conjuring charm?” 

He looked at her, debating, as he rolled his eyes pushing his chair out as he got up. He passed all the students as we made eye contact and I looked away—straight ahead at Professor McGonagall in front of me. I felt a weird feeling in my stomach as I straightened myself and shook away my thoughts. Malfoy pulled out his wand as he with a flick muttered ‘ _ Avis’  _ and a flock of several yellow birds came zooming around the room, twittering and most of us flinched from the sudden sound—it was like a blast of a gun. 

The flock of birds went straight out the window with his command as they disappeared into the watery sunlight. “You have proven yourself Mr. Malfoy, very well then, had a seat,” the professor said as he turned his back on her, walking back to his seat as I looked at him again, his pretty gray eyes and that weird feeling in my stomach again that I couldn’t pin on what it exactly was. “My stomach keeps hurting weirdly,” I whispered to Amelia next to me as she narrowed her eyes at me, examining my face. 

“It was probably the strawberry biscuits Blaise was having earlier at the table,” she whispered back as I nodded my head no. “I didn’t have any of those, I had a couple of blueberries and water, I wasn't starving I guess.”

“That’s weird, do you want me to come with you to Madam Pomfrey later? It’s probably like morning sickness, I hate waking up early, it always makes me feel nauseous and tired.”

“It’s gone.”

“What?”

“The weird stomach feeling, it’s  _ gone _ ,” I whispered as I was sort of disappointed in myself for it, a weird sad feeling. I’m both a morning and night person—it mostly depends on my mood and what I’m looking forward to. 

Amelia tilted her head as she looked at me. “It was probably a weird two-second cramp, the human body is weird, it’s like it’s trying to kill you sometimes, I swear,” she whispered as she took down notes from what the professor was talking about. 

Transfiguration went by quicker than I thought it would, possibly because I was in my head overthinking about everything that goes on, and I mean everything. Overthinking was like part of my daily routine, like a daily exercise that was needed to process or function, like a need to bring peace to myself.

I think most people, or I loved overthinking because of the fact it was the only way you can think of answers to questions that had none or to a question you had made up in your head. It wasn’t peace at all, it was a temporary cure until reality came in and hit you with the real answer, the real emotion.

Astronomy tower was probably one of my favorite places to go and overthink, all you had was the sky and stars to talk to, the moon to relate to and the breezes that kissed your skin, like a hug from the universe, even though it hated me but maybe sometimes it was nice and caring. 

I walked up the round metal stairs slowly as I came into view with the far alluring sky, you know the weird part about darkness? It’s the fact that even the purest hearts are drawn to it, maybe it’s more comforting than light, or maybe because light doesn’t always equal the right thing, maybe darkness is the answer.  _ Hmmm.  _

I pushed my hair back, and I rubbed my arms from the cold wind as I looked up at the bench I always sat at to find a familiar somebody—broad shoulders, the platinum blonde hair, the curve of his ears that were pink from the cold, the black suit and how the way he stood showed so much pride and power, it was like a protection shell. 

“I was expecting myself to be by myself tonight in here,” I talked loud enough for him to hear as I saw his head turn just slightly enough for me to know that he acknowledged my presence. “Silent treatment I see.” 

I walked forward, towards the railings as I leaned against the stone wall, my eyes wandering the view of Hogwarts from the tower as snow fell, I never liked winter anyways. My eyes looked over to him as his hands grabbed the railings, his knuckles pink as his rings looked matte. His hair ruffling from the wind as he had the same cold stare in his eyes since I had met him—never seen it grow soft until that one time during fall break. 

“You think really loudly Young, it’s quite annoying,” he spoke as I looked up at him, the sides of my mouth slightly curving up as I looked away. “Maybe you should get out of my head and I won’t be as annoying as you think of me,” I spoke in a soft tone. 

“Don’t try to be cute, it won’t work,” he breathed as I rolled my tongue around my mouth, leaning forward. “Kind of you to call me  _ cute,  _ I wasn’t trying to be, it’s called ‘ _ talking like normal human beings _ ’ you should try it some time, really effective.” 

“What makes you think your advice is reliable,” he looked over as I rolled my shoulders, grabbing the railings as I faced the scenery of Hogwarts. “Well it worked for me every day, doesn’t it? It’s working right now, this might be the most decent conversation we may have ever had.” 

“We’ve had more than one decent conversation, I am decent, what makes you think I can’t be  _ decent _ ?” He might have sounded offended for a second there. “Well you go more in the arrogant and egoistic pyramid, but you can be  _ decent  _ when you’re drunk, see it in person myself.” 

“Can't say the same for you Young, you’re quite something different when you’re drunk, the mix of interesting and annoying,” he talked as I looked up at him. My hand going to grab the railing as our fingers touched—the pinkies as neither of us felt the thought to move away, it was like a forbidden touch, it was just the way Bonnie had described it,  _ addicting _ . The stomach feeling was back again, it felt like flutters. 

“I’m actually a very fun drunk, you haven’t seen the drunk side of me just ‘ _ properly’  _ yet, the last time I was close to drunk we—'' I paused. 

“You can say it out loud Young, nothing wrong with it, we had  _ sex  _ on the common room couch, it’s quite simple, you act like if you’re scared to say it out loud,” he let out a dry laugh as I looked away, I wasn’t scared to say it out loud, it was more of not being able to accept the fact that it happened. “I’m not scared, that’s not true, but you’re not a saint yourself, you kissed me when you were drunk—you were actually quite nice I might add, you should be drunk more often.”

“So I could kiss you? Is that what you’re trying to say? You know Young if you want me all—” 

“You’re disgusting, did you know that? You’re annoying and disgusting, should’ve stayed in the form of a ferret,” I shook my head as he tapped his fingers against the railing. “Though I don’t know if I thanked you enough for what you did that day, when Elliot—”

“I already told you this before Young, you don’t need to fucking—”

“It was always you,” I broke him off mid-sentence as he looked at me, his eyes glinting from the moonlight as I took in a deep breath. “It was always you when I needed someone and even though I hate to admit it, I don’t really hate you, I actually sort of—appreciate you for it, you’d be the last person I thought that would be there at such a time.” 

“I just happened to be there for it, it could’ve been anyone else, so you don’t need to break it down for me and tell me Young, it’s whatever, no need to talk about it.” 

“Malfoy I’m just trying to be sincere, why can’t you just listen for once, it isn’t that hard being a normal human being and just saying you’re welcome. Why don’t you have to hold your ground at all times?” 

“I’m not holding any sort of ground Young, you need to thank me or talk about it every single time, what do you want me to tell you? Hmm? You’re welcome? Then fine, you’re welcome, Young. Is that good enough for you?” 

“I don’t need anything from you Malfoy, all I wanted to tell you was that you have good in you, so why do you always bring up these walls around you? You could’ve chosen not to care, but you did,” my voice louder than before as I turned to face him, waiting for an answer. 

“I don’t need your fucking help or anyone else’s Young,” he spoke angrily as he faced me with his body almost leaning over me, his tall figure as his facial expressions were completely disgusted. “I know you have nightmares.” 

He was turning around to walk away when he stopped in his tracks to look back at me, confused. “I know you have them, and they aren’t the normal ones because I had them too, if there’s anything—”

“I haven’t asked for your fucking help Young so why are you even trying, just leave it alone and stop thinking about it, it’s really that easy,” his tone got louder as we spoke, and it just made me angrier. “For one second maybe you should use that being brain of yours and think that maybe just maybe I can’t quit about it because I care? Has that ever been a thought in your head that maybe someone cares but oh no Draco Malfoy does not need a savior—”

“Now you’re just being fucking pathetic Young, I never asked for you to care and look into what’s going on with me so this all on  _ you _ .”

“Oh don’t even start with me there, I don’t need your permission to care about someone even if that includes you, I can do whatever the fuck I want.” 

“Then by all means do whatever you want, leave the fuck out of it, yeah?” 

“You know what why do I even try and be generous towards you, it’s like talking to a brick wall because you will never be someone who’s capable of caring, because no one will ever sit around and tell stories about a man who couldn't care because you Malfoy, you’re just pathetic and will  _ never  _ understand me.”

“You don’t know anything about me.” 

“I don’t even want to know anymore quite frankly, just when I thought that maybe you had some good, you always prove me wrong.” It’s like he wants it to be that way. 

“I don’t need to prove anything to you Young so go waste your time on someone else, I’m not your toy that needs fixing,” he spoke as he walked away, down the stairs as I heard his steps fade away. I clutched onto the railings as I looked down at the stone-cold floor, anger and every type of emotion bubbling up my thoughts as it came out in a form of tears, trickling down my face. 

_ Just let it out, so it’ll be gone tomorrow, it’s okay to cry.  _

_ No it’s not okay to cry, you’re weak, you made yourself vulnerable, this is all your fault.  _

_ What'd you expect from Malfoy? He has always been like this, to care for him was you first stupid thinking.  _

_ Emotions make people weak, they ruin you, they aren’t worth feeling, they are the destruction of everything good.  _

_ Emotions make us human, the make us who we are, emotions make us want to love,  _

_ Emotions show vulnerability Evelyn, is that what you what to be? Vulnerable? For people to learn your weakness and then exploit you? _

_ Just shut up please, get out of my head.  _

I took a deep breath as I looked up at the snow falling, covering up the floors of Hogwarts as it looked so beautiful, so unreal as I wiped away the tears from my face, just a moment of weakness, I let my guard down. 

My eyes traveled around to the building next to us, the big window that showered Ron and Lavender making out against each other as my brows furrowed. I then remembered there was a Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Slytherin today.

I pulled my sweater down to my hands as I rubbed my arms through the thick fabric, taking a seat at the bench to let the cold breeze numb my body. 

What was it about him that every time his words hurt like him taking a knife himself and stabbing it into my heart but slowly so it hurt more. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do we like the small angry confessions ?


End file.
